Aibu to think 29 is too old to be in a band...

[Pecanpickles]

... for a living?

My brother’s friend’s job is to be in a local band. They’re quite good, but not hugely successful either, they’re still waiting for their ‘big break’. He does some minimum wage supermarket shifts to supplement his income.

This man has a wife and two small children under 5. He also has a degree. AIBU to think he should grow up and get a proper job, or am I a stuffy killjoy?

Most women work full time and look a bit fecked with young kids.
It’s up to them if they think it’s okay to live how they are living and it sounds like he is working hard anyway.
I would keep your nose out.
Oh and 29 is not old.

He's obviously doing what he loves and who knows they might hit the big time soon. I think it's fine.

Yabu op. You're never too old to rock 🤘🏻 dh tours the world playing for a band and is way over 29. If it makes him happy and he can pay the bills then I don't see a problem

If he's playing free gigs in pubs, waiting to be spotted by somebody, then maybe he should step up and give up. Or at least change tactics.

If he's playing weddings and parties, and earning a decent wage in return for long and antisocial hours doing something he loves, then that's different - and for him and his wife to decide.

I know a couple of men who act like this. Both chosen artistic careers. Both refuse to stifle their creativity being "wage slaves" but are both happy to live off what their wives earn as said slaves.

One of the couples had kids with the agreemen that he would get a proper job during PG and take over the earning responsibility for at least a couple of years. There was always a reason why he couldnt, and there still is 10 years later. When the kids were little they had to go into FT childcare as he couldnt possibly be creative and look after his kids. And no, this is none of my business, but yes I do judge people who use following their dreams as an excuse to let someone else do all the hard work.

Anoher guy we know is also in an artisic field and he did any work he could get to bring money in and pushed his dream career in his spare time. Oddly enough,he is far more successful in his dream career now (you will almost certainly have heard of him) than either of the men who claim they need to focus full time on the dream in order to achieve it. Funny that....... He knew ha geing he dream mean hard work, promoing himself, rying o ge conacs and in wih he righ people. The others (and the band member too by the sound of it) just expect it all to happen if they are talented enough and are too lazy to make any effort.

YABU

whether it's making him money or not everyone is entitled to their own hobbies.

But again the fact the wife is looking tired after returning from mat leave is er nothing to do with you.

Sorry the fact is youve judged someone on something thats not your business and therefore nog your place to judge.

Some families like the fact they can have one breadwinner so the other spouse can do what they like.

If shes not adapting well to being a mum and working full time then its a discussion she needs to have with her husband. Its not really one gor you to be nosy anout. Also as has been said yes she looks tired most new mums do. I can show you puctures of stay at home moms that look tired.

Its their life, the way they are used to and are enjoying the lifestyle of. Maybe its not for you. Cool great. Their not righting posts about your life style are they?

Yabu still

It’s not my business! But still I think it and I want to know if I am unreasonable!

YABU! You're "the people" who tell me I don't earn enough from writing, and isn't it about time I got a proper job?!
Winds me right up. Would knock me right down too if I gave it too much headspace.
"You're doing an article for free? Aw,you should be getting paid for that by now." yes I fkn know
Get paid by one. "How much did you get? That's not much,is it."
Or "why did you bother going self employed in the first place,it hasn't worked out for you, has it."
If everyone took that self defeating attitude that you seem to have,then nobody would go anywhere or do anything!

Are his family supported? Then who cares?

Ok, just noticed he has two jobs. Both paid.So what exactly is your problem? He's obviously bringing money in. Butt out.

OP YANBU. I feel sorry for his wife.

Where do you expect them to be going ?
I know hundreds of musicians who would disagree that 29 was too old.
Don't judge people by your standards OP, it sounds like he is doing ok.
I can't stand this attitude of more money equating to a better lifestyle.Some people consider far less to be better for them.

Bands don't have to "hit the big-time" or "Go anywhere". People just enjoy gigging and playing together.

My dad is in a band and has just turned 60. Has been in a band since he was 16. Tbf they do get offers of local gigs and he also works full time. But I fail to see how age is relevant to following your passion (within reason of course). Op wouldn't life be so boring if we just worked and paid bills then died :) gotta live a little.

29 isn't old

@Cadyheron I’m sorry you’re taking this personally, I appreciate artistic/creative jobs take perseverance and sacrifice and success does not come easily.
I’m just questioning this guy’s priorities, given his circs.

this is not 1910 people are not dying at 30
29 is young people die average around 80-90yrs old

Why do we feel sorry for his wife? She married him. She might love his band and the horse it rode in on.

YABU. There is no problem here. If his wife didn’t like it, she’d say so.

I’m not quite sure what problem you have with people doing what they want?

What exactly is the problem with someone following their dream when it isn’t harming anyone?

Why does wanting to fulfill a passion mean you need to “grow up”?

Does being “grown up” mean you can’t follow your dreams or have fun?

Nope. All “grown up” means is that you’re an adult. Which he is.

Everyone is entitled to live their life the way they want. There is no problem here, stop trying to create one.

Out of curiosity, what do you like to do for fun, OP?

I appreciate artistic/creative jobs take perseverance and sacrifice and success does not come easily.

So why knock him down then? You say yourself he works more than one job (so jobs,plural) as well as trying to do something he loves like his band.

if it works for them..
ummm 73 yr old mike jagger is going on tour soon along with the rest of those too old boys. so age ain't nothin but a thing.
btw debbie harry was 31 when she became famous.
momma said "if you're going to dream,do it in technocolor"
they should start a youtube channel its working for many.

If he was in a band making no money and refusing to get a job I would say YANBU. But that's not his situation. He has a job, and from what you infer the band brings in a bit of money too. Even bands who appear a bit higher profile often still work day jobs. If he's earning and contributing then I say good on him for pursuing his passion. So YABU.

@Cady I totally get that. I am self employed in a creative career and while I do get paid for everything I do, I'm not raking it in. Some people have suggested I should take a job I may hate and move to a cheaper area just to have more money. What's the use in more money if those circumstances would make you miserable?

Tuli Kupfberg - this fixture of the NYC beatnik scene co-founded The Fugs in 1964 when he was 41
Bill Withers - didn't begin his singing career until 1970, when he was 32
Charlie Harper - was a hairdresser who played an occasional pub-rock pickup gig until, inspired by the Sex Pistols, he formed longstanding punk band the UK Subs in 1976, when he was 32
Ed Cassidy was founding member of Spirit when he was 44..I do not remember too well but it seems to me that Ian Hunter was 30 when began his career with Mott The Hoople

Leonard Cohen -released his first Lp when he was 32 or 33
eorge Lynch was at least 30 when Dokken started to get off the ground. I was going to suggest Lemmy, but it seems he's been around since the Pre-Cambrian era.

Dio was in his 30's by the time his career did anything worthwhile. Alan Parsons' and his cohorts made it big in their 30's, as well. Hurricane Smith was around 50 when he had his first hit.:D

Dave Brubeck and Joe Morello were in their 30's when they hit the big time.

Kim Gordon..was she already in her 30's when Sonic Youth released "Confusion Is Sex" ?
Andy Summers..he had a career before, but was 34 or 35 when he joined The Police
Chrissie Hynde doesn't quite make the cut, but she was 29 when the first Pretenders album came out.
Manny Charlton was already 30 when Nazareth's first album was released.
Rick Nielsen was 30 when the first Cheap Trick album came out.
Kate Pierson was 31 when the first B-52's album came out.
Same as Chris Isaak..29 when "Silvertone" was released, and Mark Knopfler..29 when "Dire Straits" came out
many had familys and worked jobs of all sorts to get there

I know a few wedding bands who make plenty. And he’s probably dead happy.

YABU but only because one of my friends learned guitar and joined a band in her late 20s and she is now 32 and they are starting to do quite well. It's surprising but they are pretty good!