Am I being unreasonable re. turning 30?

[lilabet2]

I am turning 30 on Sunday, obviously it's a bit depressing but when I've tried to cheer myself up by googling 'Why turning 30 isn't so bad' or 'Why your 30s is a good decade' etc. the only reasons are:

1. You're at the height of your career.
2. You've got your own home, car.
3. You're likely married with kids.
4. You don't need to worry about staying up after 3am or deadlines.

None of these apply to me! So I've missed the mark in every single way and reading these articles is only making things worse!

My life is literally a train wreck at the moment and I'm lucky that I'm not suicidal, just a bit down!

Becoming less visible to dickheads-pmsl that was good
No we don't dry up.
My friend is 50 and has bagged herself a 30 yr old. Would like to be happy for her but it is viewed highly negatively and has removed her dignity for some. She's loving it tho so good on her!

OP, have you ever heard of the quarter life crisis? I remember reading it years ago and thinking so much resonated.

1. You’re starting to question what your purpose in life is. WHY DID YOU PUT ME ON THIS EARTH, GOD? WHAT IS THE POINT OF MY EXISTENCE? (In a less morbid way than it sounds.)

1. You’re frustrated at not being able to figure out the answers to the above.

1. You’re terrified by the thought that your best years may be behind you and you still feel like you haven’t done anything with your life. Remember being 15 and thinking about how at 25 you’d have your life together and be smashing it? Good joke (cry).

1. Social media makes you feel anxious and you can’t help but feel freaked out every time an engagement or baby announcement pops up, even though you don’t want to get married or have kids yet.

1. Listening to Taylor Swift’s 22 brings on an existential crisis because guess what, you’re not 22 any more and maybe not everything will be alright, Taylor.

1. Going into Forever 21 is equally conflicting (shouldn’t you be shopping at Reiss and Jigsaw by now anyway?).

1. But you keep telling yourself 30 is the new 21. It is. It really is. I’m going to keep writing about it until everyone agrees it is anyway.

1. You're torn between wanting to be a proper grown-up and wanting to be looked after by your parents in a bubble of safety and comfort forever.

1. You feel the need to escape somehow.

10. You’re torn between thinking ‘F it, I’m going to pack in my job and go see the world while I can’ and ‘S, I need to climb the career ladder and work really hard so I can achieve some success in my life’.

11. You’re offended when you’re ID’d but even more offended when you're not.

12. You buy yourself an expensive handbag or gadget because you want it to appear like you’ve got your s* together even though you’re not sure you can pay your rent this month.

13. You don’t know whether you should be dating around and having casual fun or trying to find the one because everyone tells you something different.

14. Your temporary job has somehow lasted three years.

15. Whilst you and your peers were once all impoverished youngsters together, you’ve realised that your friends working in higher-paid industries will likely be richer than you for the rest of your life and the gap between your incomes is probably only going to widen, which kinda sucks.

I'll be 31 in a few weeks. Still renting, probably always will be, own a car but its 7 years old and I've just paid it off. Have an almost 3yo DD, and I'm engaged but not married and in no rush to be. I have a half decent job, but just winging that too.

I'm kind of just winging life everyday, but I'm quite happy and settled.

"30 seems too old for many men in late 40s!"

Who would want to attract a man like that???

I agree it's bollocks.

I'm about to turn 40. I've started a new career so not at the peak of it. I'm in the midst of a difficult divorce. I have lovely kids which is fab but many people I know didn't have their kids until into their 40s and all well healthwise for mother and child.

You have loads of time OP.

People often live longer these days and retire much later so plenty of time to reach the peak of your career!

I met my now husband at 35. I got a good promotion at 36. I don’t own my own home and not sure if we will before I turn 40. I may not be able to have children at all. But I am more confident, I worry less about the opinions of others and focus more on what I want to achieve rather than what others think I should. My 20s were a complete car crash so I was quite glad to get to my 30s as I saw it as a blank page and a chance to start again

I'd have hated to have had any of those things at 30. I was free as a bird. Embrace it!!

Now at 40 life is very different and I often long for my carefree, younger days.

Happy Birthday!

Thanks everyone, it's been really helpful to read all of your replies.

I was married with two kids at 30. Job going quite well. I still felt total doom
About leaving my twenties... since then I've got divorced and my career is buggered. What I meant to say is that there are no guarantees even if you have all that stuff by the time you are 30....ergo, there is no point in worrying about stuff. Life happens, in your twenties and in your thirties-the age doesn't really matter...
I'll be 40 in two years time. Rubbish to think I'm going to be by usual standards worse off than when I was 30! But i oddly feel less impending doom about it...I think I've just worked out now that it doesn't really matter

I had it all at 29. Marriage, house, car’ kids, not ‘height’ of my career but certainly was working a job I loved and had potential to do well in. 30 hit - divorce, penniless, renting, lost/had to give up job due to mental health issues caused by all of the above. Few years on, still not much change in the tick box department of 30s perks but I’m infinitely happier!!!!! The only way is up again now

I think it’s a case of the grass is always greener, I often suffer from this.

At 30 I had a 4yr old, was pregnant and had a measley attempt at a career, I haven’t progressed much in 10yrs due to children.

I’ve often wondered where I would be in my career if I didn’t have children, but then I know that if I didn’t have children I’d always be wondering what it would be like to have them.

I’m now 34 and plan on concentrating on my career for the next 6 years.

How have you not progressed career wise?... Is it the choice of career? Location? Could you focus on that for now?

At 29 I was doing really well at work but other than that none of those things applied to me either.

During my 30th year, I bought my first house (with my OH), got promoted, and fell pregnant with my DD.

At 33 (now) I'm expecting baby number 2, at a SAHM and am happier than I've ever been.

A lot can change in a few short years! And I agree with PP, your 30s are great.

30 is still so young. I messed up in my 20s and I start loving life at 30-ish. Be patient, everybody has a different journey and different timing, and have a lovely birthday!

I've been musing on your OP (which is rare, I never actually muse, I usually just blurt my response) but I'm coming out the other side of my 30's and the last few years have been getting anxious about getting older (which I know is an incredible privilege for most of us).

The day I turned 30, I had a massive party and was in a relationship and had a dog. I'm now 38. At 31 I got married, 32 we bought our first home and I had my first baby, 34 I had my second baby.
I find myself now, at 38 in a great career that continues to strengthen, married for nearly 8 years, with a 6 year old and just about to turn 4 year old and I can't WAIT to turn 40 because I'm coming out of these child focused years and feel like I'm about to get my new lease on life.

When I turn 40, I'll be able to concentrate more on the things I concentrated on in my 20's - myself, my career, new business options, hobbies, my marriage (without our kids being the sole focus) and travel.

Every single thing on your list is more likely to apply to someone nearly 40 than 30 - at 30 I hadn't even begun. Now I'm about begin AGAIN and I can't wait

And happy birthday!!

1. You're at the height of your career

Not necessarily. In any case, not everybody measures their happiness by how much money you earn. Surely you know that money doesn't automatically bring happiness, don't you?

2. You've got your own home, car

Mortgaged/financed to the hilt, no doubt. Who needs that stress?

3. You're likely married with kids

Marriage and children is not the be-all and end-all society makes out that it is. An unhappy marriage is far lonelier than being single so it's crucial to marry for love and not because the clock is ticking

4. You don't need to worry about staying up after 3am or deadlines

Sounds a bit like "Bed at 9pm on Saturday night because you've worked yourself into the ground.".

When I turned 30 I had just split from my husband, was living back at my parents house and had lost my job. I'd not long before been struggling with fertility too.

Now at 32 I have a house, an amazing job, a 9 month baby and a gorgeous guy who I will be marrying this year.

Things can turn around so fast if you're open to it!

You're thirty not ninety! You're of sound body and mind, the world is still very much at your feet. Go forth and enjoy it!

Happy birthday you will only be young once so make the most of it ! . Make your own list of short and long term goals for the future. Some people 'dont make it to 30 ...

A life is not unsuccessful if it is hard. To me, looking back, it was the rough patches, the struggle (as long as I was not overwhelmed) that was the life.

Wow! This really got to me. You're absolutely right. I've never thought of it like this before - thanks.

Thanks so much everyone- I will try to reply with quotes later- some really inspirational responses!

FatBottomedGirl, Happy Birthday for the 4th too!

I'm 35 and have none of those things. Not even a job at the moment! It's disheartening. Try to concentrate on what you do have. Happy birthday

Thanks for the birthday wishes! Sorry you're disheartened vampirethriller- Im also without a job at the moment but things will change. I hope 2018 gets better for you!

You're likely married with kids

What the....?!

This is an unpopular opinion, but I don't think you've done your twenties properly, if you're married with kids by age 30!

I turn 40 in a couple of months and have not met any of your list!

I totally get where you're coming from and think life has passed me by