Am I being unreasonable re. turning 30?

[lilabet2]

I am turning 30 on Sunday, obviously it's a bit depressing but when I've tried to cheer myself up by googling 'Why turning 30 isn't so bad' or 'Why your 30s is a good decade' etc. the only reasons are:

1. You're at the height of your career.
2. You've got your own home, car.
3. You're likely married with kids.
4. You don't need to worry about staying up after 3am or deadlines.

None of these apply to me! So I've missed the mark in every single way and reading these articles is only making things worse!

My life is literally a train wreck at the moment and I'm lucky that I'm not suicidal, just a bit down!

Hi OP, I turn 30 tomorrow and totally get where you're coming from. I've made myself feel better by (perhaps weirdly) writing a letter to myself. I've had a good think back to where I was at age 20, and I've basically written myself a congratulatory letter on how far I've come since then, even though it doesn't feel like it sometimes. Any small successes I've included, such as cutting toxic people out of my life, learning to be a bit better with money etc. It might help a bit?

Life is not the same for everyone obviously but it is for living. Whatever your circumstance live as much as you can and experience as much as you can at every age.

I had a couple of friends who panicked at 30 as single. Do not do this. It made them a little bit mad and actually seemed to repel men. They also became so fixated it made them stop enjoying everything.

I had a proper meltdown at 30. I spent the day drinking pink wine in my pyjamas with my best friends and realised it wasn't all bad.
I decided to shun High heels and men who were too much like hard work. As for your list... Pah!!! It was definitely a turning point for me in confidence and self belief. I basically stopped giving a shit about other people's opinions of me. It was very liberating.

1. You're at the height of your career. Still not there I'm 38
2. You've got your own home, car. Car at 20 but own home at 37!
3. You're likely married with kids. Married at 36 first child 37 2nd child due June.
4. You don't need to worry about staying up after 3am or deadlines. No because I'm a stay at home mum at the moment and my career and social life are in the toilet!

I'm still the most content I've ever been!

Those lists are meaningless ............. it is your attitude not your age that counts.

I am approaching my 60th birthday - I look back with fond memories on my 30s - yes, I did have a great career then ............ but I didn't have a child until I was in my 40s, my 50s were a great time of getting really involved in some meaningful voluntary work and now I have got a job in my late 50s which I love - no not the 'peak' of my career but something I really enjoy and can do part time around the rest of my hobbies and interests.

Embrace your age - whatever it is !

I was so worried about turning 30 as I had none of those things (I did have a boyfriend though). From about 28.5 I was always panicking that I didn't have my own home, wasn't married, no kids etc

On my 30th birthday I woke up and felt so calm. I was the same person as I was the day before and I was happy with myself with what I had achieved. Plus, I no longer cared what everyone else was doing.

Honestly, 30 is no big thing. I hope you have something nice planned!

Women do not have a “sell by” date, and you are not even halfway through your expected life span!
Stop counting birthdays and start enjoying each stage of your life as you reach it. I didn’t really feel properly “grown up” til my 30’s - and barely then! Your generation are all struggling to get on the housing ladder - it doesn’t make you a failure just because the housing market is broken and at record unaffordable levels related to average salary.
You still have many years of fertility, so no need to panic about kids yet either.

Have a wonderful birthday and look forward to the rest of your life!

Women do not have a “sell by” date, and you are not even halfway through your expected life span!
Yes they do, in terms of attractiveness to men, in general.
After a certain age, I'd say late 30s, invisibility starts to creep in. Men look at younger women. 30 seems too old for many men in late 40s!
But the other things, babies, education, career, house. They can wait.

You still have many years of fertility, so no need to panic about kids yet either.

I must take issue with that.

I was told the same. I didnt worry. Didnt prioritise meeting someone or really look, just worked, holidays etc. Met someone at 33 broke down at 35 with him cheating. Met someone else broke down at 37. Next ones havent worked out within a few months.

Now Im 39 and single and fucked.

If you want dc start looking for a partner now.

Free you don't know that, I wasn't even 'trying' to get pregnant and had a child (my first) at 43.

I turn 40 this year so think yourself lucky 😂

In all seriousness my 30 have been great. Life is what you make it, if aspects of your life are not what you would have them be what can you change about them? Plan where you want to be in life and then make a plan on how it is to happen.

Also don't set your goals by others. Career, relationships, family, house are not the be all and end all.

Maybe you set your goals by a club you help run, or a hobby you enjoy and are a success in or a fitness goal.

My philosophy is, not everyone gets to reach 30/40 or whatever age and there are people who would give anything to be celebrating their next birthday so let's enjoy and celebrate every year of our lives.

I turn 40 this year so think yourself lucky 😂

I will turn 56 this year and count myself luckier than the OP.

Because unlike her I am having a ball.

The only thing I had when turning was a car.
About to turn 40. Much happier.
Still have the same car!

Please please please it's just a number.
It's also still very young.
Please make the most of it.
Your life is all ahead of you.
30's are wonderful

I think you get less visible to dickheads, which is a good thing.

Being visible, doesn't mean someone wants to have a relationship and children with you, it means you're higher in the list for fuckability.

If everyone on here is to be believed that they got pregnant naturally and carried to term over 40, then everyone in the UK whose had a baby 40+ is on here. That's going by factual numbers.

If you really want children and can't afford at least two goes of IVF, then get your fertility checked as you turn 30 and take advice specific to you, taking into account the miscarriage and stillborn rate is increasing with age.

I'd had all my children by 30, but was Widowed mid 30's, what I say to anyone, is shag and drink all you can. Your 30's should be fun. Be less tolerant of gobshites and their excuses.

OP, I did a BA in my 30's. I'm 50 this year and taking a new direction. You've got 45 years of working life, if you want it. You've got more time ahead than you have behind you.

When I hit 30 I had none of those things. Lived in a tiny rented flat, unsatisfactory boyfriend and still nowhere near the height of my career. The majority of people my age were in the same boat! Surely that list should apply to being 40 now? It's very out of date!

At 32 I met the man who would become my DH. Bought first house at 34. Married at 35 and had first DC. Second DC at 38 and living in our dream home. Career still not quite where I'd like it to be but I'm doing what I love.

So yeah. Plenty of time! Thirties definitely my best decade and I'm looking forward to being 40!

But also life doesn't operate like a checklist. You do what makes you - and not other people - happy. As an aside, I wish I'd not wasted so much of my late 20s and early 30s on an unhappy relationship. Wish I'd relaxed and travelled more. Lived in the moment! Easier said than done I guess...

Happy birthday for when it comes! Honestly. Whatever you do it's such a good decade.

Oh. And as for becoming invisible to men...i was more attractive in my 30s than ever in my 20s. I found self confidence and got more male attention than ever (not looking so hot now but that's thanks to having two DC who don't like sleep!)

Don't measure your life against online articles! That's just clickbait rubbish. At 29 I was single, depressed, living in a tiny room I could barely afford. At 34 I am married with a daughter and in a much better home and job. You just don't know what's around the corner! Enjoy your 30s, it's a great decade.

There is only one mantra that works and that is: I am living MY life and it is never too late to make the most of that.

I am only just picking up my career now- and I'm 54. It's a job that very much depends on deadlines, but I'm old enough to know what I want. I don't drive, because I've realised I'm not safe on the roads (slight visual impairment)- but I'm also old enough to know I can get on perfectly well without it. I had my kids after 30- and have had to realise that at least one of them will never meet any adult milestones as she has an incurable medical condition. She makes the most of the life she has.

A life is not unsuccessful if it is hard. To me, looking back, it was the rough patches, the struggle (as long as I was not overwhelmed) that was the life.

When I was 30 I got my first tattoo and my first piercing other than earlobes. I became me. 😆

I'm married with children but don't have anything else on the list.

I'm infinitely more confident than I was at 20.

More self aware.

Smarter.

I give zero fucks about other people's bullshit and will let let them know that, I definitely would not have done that in my twenties.

On the downside I can no longer just sit on the floor without having some plan for getting back up again

I complain about my knees and joints to strangers....

Love that @perfectly- I became me

I’m 31, and so far my 30s have been awesome, it then I don’t follow rules of things I ‘should have/be like’ I go with what makes me happy, healthy and safe.

Yes they do, in terms of attractiveness to men, in general.After a certain age, I'd say late 30s, invisibility starts to creep in. Men look at younger women. 30 seems too old for many men in late 40s!

Men pushing 50 can think what they like but most 30 year old women wouldn't be interested in them anyway. Women's don't dry up in to shrivelled husks at 30 anymore than men do.

Thanks Percy

I'm 28 this year and I'm actually looking forward to my 30s :) I am a Mum and I have a car but apart from that I can't tick off all those things on your list either. Happy Birthday!