...to be so upset by DPs actions yesterday?

[MsHippo]

Just wanting some perspective here. Sorry, it's turned out a bit long!

Yesterday morning DP and I had a pathetic argument whilst I was getting ready to for a run. He had left my makeup wipes open overnight (after bringing me one) so they had dried up, I had pointed it out in a slightly irritated way (I know IABU about this part!) and it escalated into a tiff. After a while of cross back-and-forths, he told me just to go for my run, so I did.

I was out for about an hour, and when I got back he wasn't there. I looked in every room several times, and noticed he hadn't taken keys, wallet, shoes, coat etc, and didn't appear to have got dressed. At this point I was really worried about him, he would never go out without those things, and I genuinely couldn't find him, so I rang/texted several times and waited for a few minutes to hear back. When I heard nothing, I grabbed his coat and headed out to look for him and give it to him if he was cold. I checked the garden, walked round the block etc but no sign of him. I was really concerned about him as this seemed very out of character and I had no idea where he might have gone with new shoes, coat, money.

I headed back home to regroup and which point he appeared. It turned out he had been sat behind the spare room door, his phone was silenced and he had sat (and not come out when it was clear I was looking for him) there because he didn't want to talk to me when I got home. I was slightly beside myself and got quite upset with him. I was upset both that he had been hiding from me, and also because I had been so worried about him when he was "missing". We've since kissed and made up, but he doesn't seem to understand why I was so upset.

So (got there in the end!), was hiding from me like that a normal this to do, and WIBU to be so upset?

@Cavoli . No, I read what MsHippo wrote and understood what happened.

Why do you feel the need to be so nasty?

You are both equally dramatic and high maintenance, so sounds like a good match

YANBU. Thats not normal at all and I would be furious that he had made me worry like that, seemingly for fun.

I can sort of understand the worry at him vanishing. It's the middle of winter, literally freezing, and he's apparently gone out without a coat or even shoes going by the OP. He's not answering his phone or responding to texts. So unless he has previous for this kind of thing, which apparently he doesn't, then I would at least be a little concerned.

You both sound like hard work. He makes a mistake while doing you a favour and you make a fuss and expect him to grovel. He then does something to deliberately make you worry. You both sound very childish.

No, I read what MsHippo wrote and understood what happened.
No, you read and then you made up a whole story about it because you want it to have happened a certain way.

that's weird, and completely irrelevant to the actual thread.

@Allergictoironing that's exactly how I was feeling

So (got there in the end!), was hiding from me like that a normal this to do, and WIBU to be so upset?

I don’t mean this in a snarky way but what do you think? 🤷🏻‍♀️ If you are genuinely unsure then I think that’s a bit worrying. However, if you already know how unreasonable it is and are only posting to have a moan about him and to see if anyone has any suggestions as to what you should do next then fair enough!

But if it's out of character for him to have massive, storming out of the home temper tantrums then why on earth would your first thought be that had happened? If I went out and came back and DH was away - even if I could see his coat and shoes - I'd assume he was wearing something else. Surely it's not usual to assume someone has stormed out inappropriately dressed and you need to rescue them?
I mean, if that's your first thought there's something wrong somewhere or one or both of you are massive drama queens.

@Quaza

I don’t mean this in a snarky way but what do you think? 🤷🏻‍♀️ If you are genuinely unsure then I think that’s a bit worrying. However, if you already know how unreasonable it is and are only posting to have a moan about him and to see if anyone has any suggestions as to what you should do next then fair enoug

I'm posting for two reasons. One exactly as you say, for a moan. Secondly, I don't think hiding from your partner is normal behaviour but I wanted to see if people thought my upset reaction was disproportionate (which it appears they mostly do!).

Ahhh quote failure on my last post!

When I asked him what he thought I would think when I couldn't find him, he said he thought I would have just assumed he had gone out for some air.

You thought he had flounced, and he hadn't. He sat there for an hour, or just hid when you got back? He refused to answer the phone? If my OH had reacted with an argument when I pointed out he had done something wrong rather than just said 'whoops sorry' I'd have been a bit annoyed. To hide, not answer phone and to let you run around after him, would be a major red flag for me.

That literally sounds like something a 6 year old would do

I wouldn't have looked for him...

I think the wider context of your relationship matters.
Was he 'hiding' to punish or worry you? Or was he 'hiding' because he thought fgs it's going to be wipe-gate all over again with added 'I've-walked-round-the-block-martyrdrom'?
Although, either way, your relationship doesn't sound particularly healthy. I'd be having a long think about how all of this would have been managed in a healthy, happy, respectful relationship.

Totally odd. Little rows often happen over silly things. Sitting so you didn’t see him is weird, childish and manipulative.
What’s the attraction?!

@GwenStaceyRocks because it's also out of character for him to disappear without a trace, and we had just had an argument.

If only been out for an hour, I knew he had no plans for that morning, he would have worn his coat and shoes if he had just popped to the shop or similar, and if he was going to go anywhere further/for longer he would text or leave me a note if it was something we had not previously discussed. I don't know about your relationships but normally we wouldn't just go out without a trace without telling the other where we were going.

Totally and utterly agree. I leave my make up wipes (well known company) and do not 'dry' completely overnight. What a pathetic posting.

@Areyoureallykidding woah no need to get personal now!

There is something wrong with him.

Honestly, I think you caught him having a cheeky wank and he needed to wait for you to be out of range to pull up his trousers.

@Hotdoggity Haha I like that explanation the best!!

Whats personal about my posting? Grief.....

Putting aside the wipes issue I think it was a pretty shitty and childish thing to do on his part.

And if I couldn't find my husband or a note when I came back from a run, and he didn't answer his phone either I'd also worry!

It's not normal behaviour from him.
I think he's done it deliberately to get you worried. ..and seek attention and to punish you for getting upset about the wipes.

So that next time you might be upset with him...you remember he might 'disappear' and how worried you were and say nothing.

It's quite concerning behavior. Even more concerning that he doesn't see anything wrong with it.