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AIBU?

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Original poster

Stalked online for my house value by new love interest

126 replies

Smile1978 · 25/02/2018 23:31

Met on the face of it a good guy IRL ,shared interest and outlook.Taken aback as this evening had a telephone call usual stuff discussed then randomly they said the houses where you live are worth £xx when I checked on Zoopla.Taken aback I said are they ? and tried to laugh it off by saying hmm cyber stalk ,he kept pushing the point on what the value of my home may be ! .Is it me or this is odd behaviour not to mention the gold digger element ? .For background this follows on from a conversation a few days prior that they randomly said you must earn £xx and the payments on this place must be at least £ xx PCM .I know I have been out of the dating scence for what seems and age but is thIs the new norm for a potential suitor to bring into a conversation?

OP posts:
HollyBayTree · 26/02/2018 09:06

He lives in social housing and drives a top of the range sports car???

He shouldn’t be in social housing if he’s earning well enough for that car..?

What a total wanker with a sports car. Having lived in social housing I would say: Absolute 1st class drug dealer behaviour.

Sounds like the car is on credit and he's faking it until he can make it.

He sounds like one of those 'con man' fantasists

He lives in social housing and has a flashy car? Chances are he’s in debt and the car is on finance

Lovely to see Mumsnet Social Inequality Prejudice Committee is up nice an early. Well done ladies, oh sorry I mean wimmin.

Just as an aside, Benny Hill and Paul O'Grady lived in their deceased parents council properties whilst multi millionaires and didnt purchase their own properties until quite late in life. I don't know whether they drove though.

I'm quite amused that so many posters think social housing is for poor people and poor people shouldn't have nice things.

Im with the nosy poster up the thread who searches out many things - if you're dating you don't know what callibre of lunatic you might meet. I'd want to know their political views (any extremism), I'd certainly want to know if they were my financial equal or whether the onus would be on me to support/subsidise them, or whether they came with any baggage. I woudn't be rude enough to actually bring money how vulgar up in conversation though, so for that reason alone, lack of manners, I'd ditch.

FitBitFanClub · 26/02/2018 09:17

Am I missing something here then, hollybaytree?
If someone can service the payments on a high-end car, a luxury item, then is it unreasonable to suppose that they might have diverted those funds to fully fund their own living accommodation, rather than be supplemented by the state? There are many people in real need of such accommodation, who can only dream of owning a car, let alone a costly one.

FitBitFanClub · 26/02/2018 09:18

And I don't give a fuck what Benny Hill and Paul O'Grady did. Doesn't make it right.

anxious2017 · 26/02/2018 09:24

FitBit

I drive a high end car. I was also abused by my ex husband, made homeless from the property I owned with him, became extremely ill and am now in a wheelchair and my ex husband took out a multitude of debts in my name which I'm now liable for.

I live in social adapted housing. I'm also a professional. There's a massive BMW on my drive. It was paid for before everything happened.

Are you suggesting that I shouldn't live in social housing because I bought a BMW before I was homeless and disabled?

Orlandsundry · 26/02/2018 09:31

Run. A. Mile.

Catinthebath · 26/02/2018 09:35

anxious, not to put words into fitbits mouth but your circumstances are unusual and likely extremely uncommon so I think being wary of a top of the range sports car plus social housing is taking a risk based approach

FitBitFanClub · 26/02/2018 09:38

Exactly, catinthebath.

I haven't "suggested" any such thing, anxious, although I have to say that if I was in a position like yours, I might investigate down-sizing my car and releasing some cash. Those cars are expensive to run, even when they're paid for in full.

Smeaton · 26/02/2018 09:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 26/02/2018 09:48

@HollyBayTree Where did you hear that about Paul O'Grady? He certainly wasn't a multi-millionaire when he was living in his parents' home in Birkenhead - he moved to London way before then. He might have owned it after they died, but he didn't live there.

Withhindsight · 26/02/2018 09:55

Simply put- sounds like he's more interested in what you can share/ offer him materially than having an emotional/compatibility connection with you and whether you can build a life together. Bin. It's not crazy to start thinking he could forge your signature and use your house as collateral and fleece you.

Plipplops · 26/02/2018 10:02

I think these days it's really normal to research people online and if I was single and dating I'd definitely do it because I'm incredibly nosy.

Bu I also definitely agree that the lack of social awareness to bring it up in conversation is a massive red flag and would 100% be cause to not persue this relationship.

Original poster
Smile1978 · 26/02/2018 10:10

I met him in real life he was working near to my home hence knowing where I live.we did not meet from OLD

OP posts:
Oooeeeerrrrrindeed · 26/02/2018 10:13

Someone i met through online dating researched my family history on ancestry.com and told me my aunt was on there. I noped the hell out of there asap and stopped using the site. Fortunately I have even moved since as apparently he was asking my old neighbour about me about a year later ! She said nothing. Thank christ.

mamahanji · 26/02/2018 10:57

Alarm bells.

I once met a guy online and hadn't even met him and from talking over a few weeks and going through my pictures and google maps, he very proudly told me he had narrowed down where I lived to 1 of 5 houses.

He was right as well.

Creepy creepy

EbonyJade · 26/02/2018 11:11

Run like the wind.

Also he's making massive assumptions- I own a home with a low mortgage that I bought 10 years ago when I had a good professional job.

Now I'm a care assistant and earn NMW following illness.

I actually paid £100k less than my house is now worth as my estate is now much more popular than 10 yrs ago.
My mortgage is low but I have to pay it until I'm 75!!

So any man judging me on my home would get a shock haha!

I'm doing OLD and find that men are definitely nosy about if you rent or own.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 26/02/2018 11:37

Someone I met online PAID to register on 192 to find out my exact address as I wouldn't tell him - hadn't met him at that point.

He also sent me an aerial photo of my house.

Needless to say we didn't meet.

ConferencePear · 26/02/2018 11:54

This is definitely weird.
FWIW I just looked at my house on Zoopla and their estimate is spectacularly over the odds.

strikeblue · 26/02/2018 12:07

I look up the house prices of almost everyone I meet, if I find out their address tbh - it's only a few clicks and I'm very nosy Grin. I would never ever tell them though. That would be weird.

Nothing wrong with living in social housing. I lived in a council flat before I met DH, we bought it and rent it out now and I own half of his house. I used to get some weird comments about me being after DH for his money but we've been together 15 years now and are very happy. The assumptions OP's partner has made are daft - we had a 50% deposit for our current home so the repayments are much lower than Zoopla estimates (and Zoopla is very bad at estimating house prices, I usually look at Rightmove sold prices as a better guide).

starlightafar · 26/02/2018 12:10

This is weird as fuck
Run
A comment about house prices round yours wouldn't bother me so much until he started to ask you.
Going on about your salary is weird.
Run.

user1510568216 · 26/02/2018 12:15

This is so offensive. I live in social housing (I own it but most people wouldn't know that). I drive a decent new car. I'm also a single parent. I have no debt or anything on finance. I got it all through hard work & saving for years. So many assumptions on here. Actually now wondering what people say about me. I love looking at property in my area & surrounding mostly with envy. I'm always on right move having a nosy.

tickingthebox · 26/02/2018 12:17

"It is odd to check out someone’s house price on zoopla."

I do this all the time - what's odd is TELLING someone you've done it Confused

TheRebel · 26/02/2018 12:23

I look up people’s house values on Zoopla all the time BUT I’d never tell them I’d done it because I know it’s a bit weird and would not come across well!

MyKingdomForBrie · 26/02/2018 12:44

@user1510568216

a) how is it social housing if you own it - that makes it ex social housing and

b) mine wasn’t an assumption it was a judgment. If he can afford an overly expensive car he should get out of social housing to make way for those more in need.

starlightafar · 26/02/2018 12:47

Kingdom the car may be a motability one or on finance. Doesn't mean he can afford expensive rent though?!
Can't imagine why anyone would give a shit what someone else's house price was though.

StormTreader · 26/02/2018 13:07

Definitely odd - I suspect he's been making excited plans for surveying the grounds with his feet firmly under your lovely expensive oak table while you bring him his pheasant and swan roast dinner.