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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stalked online for my house value by new love interest

126 replies

Smile1978 · 25/02/2018 23:31

Met on the face of it a good guy IRL ,shared interest and outlook.Taken aback as this evening had a telephone call usual stuff discussed then randomly they said the houses where you live are worth £xx when I checked on Zoopla.Taken aback I said are they ? and tried to laugh it off by saying hmm cyber stalk ,he kept pushing the point on what the value of my home may be ! .Is it me or this is odd behaviour not to mention the gold digger element ? .For background this follows on from a conversation a few days prior that they randomly said you must earn £xx and the payments on this place must be at least £ xx PCM .I know I have been out of the dating scence for what seems and age but is thIs the new norm for a potential suitor to bring into a conversation?

OP posts:
Mousewatch · 26/02/2018 07:27

How does he know where you live?

Coyoacan · 26/02/2018 07:29

At the very best he is one of those people who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing

Gardai · 26/02/2018 07:30

I don’t think he sounds, above all, very bright.
Doing some online research is deemed normal nowadays but to actually tell you shows he has poor boundaries.

GeekyWombat · 26/02/2018 07:34

Is he a mortgage broker gearing up to selling you a new deal?

Perfectnight · 26/02/2018 07:42

Some people are obsessed with house prices (exh) and would find it fascinating to discuss your area and wouldn’t be aware you might find it creepy.

Also I find many men doing online dating think women are just after them for their money and look down on single parents who don’t work etc. I have even seen online profiles saying as such. He is probably sussing you out.

Lovemusic33 · 26/02/2018 07:43

He lives in social housing and has a flashy car? Chances are he’s in debt and the car is on finance.

I wouldn’t be put off by dating someone who doesn’t own their property (I don’t own mine) but the fact he keeps mentioning money and how much you house is worth rings alarm bells.

Helsingborg · 26/02/2018 07:51

I'd be careful op that he's not planning on moving in with you, giving up his job and making you his primary earner. Cocklodger warning!

Don't have a relationship with him, do not have sex with him, just run for the hills and don't look back.

Gentle warning for when you meet your next love interest, don't reveal where you live. Atleast not until you're properly seeing each other for your own personal safety.

JoJoSM2 · 26/02/2018 07:55

That's very odd given that you've only just met several days ago. Did you ask why he was probing? I'd be so interestedto know what he said.

But honestly, a combination of this interrogation and the fact that he has a flashy car and lives in social housing sounds offputting.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 26/02/2018 07:59

Looking up the value of your house is a bit weird, but telling you that he's done it, especially so soon, screams lack of social skills, if nothing worse. I've been known to check what friends/neighbours bought and sold their houses for - sheer nosiness - Dh is if anything noisier - but we'd never dream of telling them!

Maybe it's just as well he did tell you - an early warning red light.

Having a flash car doesn't necessarily mean he can afford it - he might well be up to his neck in debt - from experience, people who 'can't be seen' in anything but a flash car very often are.

Lucisky · 26/02/2018 08:12

Many years ago I went out briefly with a man who was divorced, and was living in rather straightened circumstances because of this. This didn't bother me, but his interest in my (owned) flat did. He became quite proprietorial over it, saying if it was his he'd do this and that, and how at home he felt. It was like he was more interested in my property than me! I dumped him because he made me so uncomfortable. OP, if any man makes you feel uncomfortable, they are not the man for you.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 26/02/2018 08:13

This sounds like a wannabe cocklodger to me...

mummmy2017 · 26/02/2018 08:14

That is well weird.
I don't think I would want to be with someone who was flashy, and knows the value of my house and wants to know my wages.
As if this is him, before he has any emotional hold on you, then god knows what he will be like afterwards.

mouseymummy · 26/02/2018 08:17

Some very strange behaviour from your date!! Have to agree with previous posters, run!!

As for the social housing comments, just to put this into perspective for a few people who think it's strange to have a fancy car and social housing, if you were to come over to mine, you'd see a big jag type car parked outside, it's not mine, it's my neighbours, my house is social housing but his is bought and paid off. (I know this due to conversations regarding how he got the HA to agree to a 6ft fence 😂) some people have bought HA housing when it was available in the area.

Wheresthebeach · 26/02/2018 08:20

Run like the wind!

BitOutOfPractice · 26/02/2018 08:27

I know I'm going to sound like some 1930s duchess when I say this but I think talking about money like that is really vulgar. I wouldn't like it

DrinkReprehensibly · 26/02/2018 08:28

Junior estate agent with employee of the month sports car? Grin

Catinthebath · 26/02/2018 08:30

I have done “research” like this in the early days of getting to know someone, I want to know what I’m getting into having been bitten but I’d never raise it with them or ask them about it. The sports car combined with social housing would make me run (the sports car alone would make me run!)

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 26/02/2018 08:30

Another one here who checks out the house prices where potential dates live. . Would never tell them though.

TheCraicDealer · 26/02/2018 08:32

Assburgers I came on here to make that joke! Too slow Grin

It's natural being a bit nosy but it takes big balls or very little sense/tact to confront someone about it! Back away now.

FitBitFanClub · 26/02/2018 08:34

Zoopla is notoriously inaccurate anyway. It tends to give an average value for the area you live in, so if you're in a postcode with mixed housing, that will skew the figures for your own property.

Zaphodsotherhead · 26/02/2018 08:44

I'm with Gettinglike. Not so awful to check out a date online (good idea to make sure they aren't a weirdo) but showing EXTREME lack of social awareness to mention it and keep pushing the point when you tried to change the subject.

Even if he isn't a creepy stalker type, he's the type to shout inappropriate things out in a bar, simply because he 'wants to know'.

Sirrah · 26/02/2018 08:46

from a conversation a few days prior that they randomly said you must earn £xx and the payments on this place must be at least £ xx PC

This place? You have let him come to your home within days of meeting him?

raisedbyguineapigs · 26/02/2018 08:50

You definitely need to block him and don't contact him again. Don't tell anyone where you live again or invite them round after days of meeting them. Neutral places and minimal information until you are totally comfortable and have met them several times face to face. They are basic online dating rules. It's been a long time since I did OLD, but they always said that on the site.

raisedbyguineapigs · 26/02/2018 08:51

Sorry you didn't say online dating, but still, don't invite strangers round to your house!

JoeyMaynardssolidlump · 26/02/2018 08:53

I think you need to distance yourself and going forward set your boundaries higher. I wouldn’t have anyone in my house that early in a relationship.