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AIBU?

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Original poster

To leave him upstairs all night?

103 replies

Sandinplaces · 24/02/2018 20:12

I've had a horrible few days. I've just finished an on call shift, and DH has been horrible all day.

I made meatballs in the slow cooker last night before work and he decided to go and get himself a curry- fine. But he doesn't want them tonight either because he's 'making a point'

He's making a point that we can't buy a house because I'm an agency nurse and have to have 6 months payslips before we're considered for a mortgage. He's angry that due to sickness, the 6 months only starts now.

He's angry Newcastle lost and England played badly, he's angry I've not been home all day because I've been called in a few times.

He's angry that we have no money ( we have 9k in savings but because we're £50 into our overdraft he's upset, he likes a 'buffer' of 1k by payday) so we 'have no money'

So he's gone upstairs to work and has been upstairs for 4 hours. Aibu to eat dinner alone and leave him up there?

OP posts:
MazDazzle · 24/02/2018 23:09

He’s being manipulative and passive aggressive. His behaviour is appalling. My DH has form for the same. I used to pander to him and it only made it worse in the long term.

When we went to counselling for another reason, I brought up his behaviour and the counsellor convinced him he was being a prick. I started calling him out and it stopped completely.

Don’t settle for a lifetime of this shit!

Summercat · 24/02/2018 23:20

How old are you both?

YourWinter · 24/02/2018 23:24

You're not his mummy, why on earth would you worry about leaving him upstairs, cold and hungry? As he seems to have appallingly bad manners and doesn't understand that spouses/partners actually should ALWAYS be treated with at least basic courtesy, why would you commit to buying a house with him? He's behaving like an idiot, and not even a likeable one, just a brat with a nasty streak. It will not get better, nasty people don't grow nice by people pandering to their tantrums, they get progressively nastier.

bastardkitty · 24/02/2018 23:30

Just wondering if the log burner is one of those massive ones you can fit a person in . Honestly, LTB x

YouTheCat · 24/02/2018 23:37

So he's moaning and sulking about you having no money and then getting the huffy head on when you have to work? What a tit!

Take half the savings and leave the sad twat to wallow as Newcastle get relegated.

Butterymuffin · 24/02/2018 23:46

But you had made him food, he'd just chosen not to eat it and ordered something else! He's determined to put you in the wrong here, isn't he?

I hope it gives you something to think about OP that so many of us have said we wouldn't buy a house with someone who acts like this. You don't have to put up with it.

Miranda15110 · 24/02/2018 23:48

I'd have gone out even if it was just to walk around a supermarket and spend of the money I earn. Then again I walked out on my 1st husband after 1 year of marriage when I realised he was a total dick. My second husband is lovely though. Tell him to shape up or ship out x

ferrier · 24/02/2018 23:54

Paasive aggressive is a form of control. Fortunately op is not allowing herself to be controlled Smile

StaplesCorner · 24/02/2018 23:57

I can't believe a couple of posters actually said oh well HE's had a bad day?! WTAF?

Review your life, you have no kids and are not tied to this arsehole yet, but once you have a mortgage it will become very hard to break away. Think on OP.

LovingLola · 25/02/2018 00:02

Do you talk to each other? Properly talk?

GabsAlot · 25/02/2018 00:29

hold on hes annoyed u were off sick then annoyed when you go in

leave youre never going to win with this man

movpov · 25/02/2018 00:31

I married a sulker and it's shit. If I was you I'd be rethinking whether I want a mortgage with this man. He's angry because the 6 months only start now because of sickness and because his football/rugby teams lost?! Get rid, you don't need a manchild

RubberJohnny · 25/02/2018 07:43

You buy a house with him and he'll only get worse. He will be unbearable if mortgage rates go up! You'll have your house, yes, but no decent food, wine, heat. I seriously would consider the six months as a life saver and either he shapes in or ships out.

And I love a takeaway but if inferential worried about finances,my certainly wouldn't get myself a curry instead of eating already cooked food! One rule for him, and a whole set for you!

cindersrella · 25/02/2018 08:05

I'd leave him be. You go out to work, earn a living, have been on call all day and have been called out therefore have gone out to work.

England lost the football... tough shit... it happens! It's a game! You can't get a house at the minute as you need 6 months wage slips.... if you have just re started work after been sick then with most you would probably need to be working a certain amount of time anyway before you could get a mortgage. Sounds like he needs to cuddle a teddy for a few hours to feel a bit beer.

Original poster
Sandinplaces · 25/02/2018 17:01

He came down at around 11pm and apologies for being a twat. But I'm not 100% sure I want to proceed with buying a house this year now. I don't want to buy a house and have him do this to me.

Throwing stupid things out there like 'it's my savings..' well hang on a second! I got a large payment before Christmas and that filled up our savings account so 90% if it had come from my wages.

But also family money is family money- there is no i or we in our finances. Stupid Man!

OP posts:
AutumnalTed · 25/02/2018 17:08

I love that you put the fire on and ate your meatballs with wine Grin
Good for you OP!
If he says anything about it being his money just say, you’re right, you take yours and I’ll take mine out of savings. Then have your 90% back Wink

BewareOfDragons · 25/02/2018 18:28

Wow. He seriously has completely 'forgotten' that the only reason you have the savings is mostly down to you?

Wow.

I'd strongly rethink about trusting this man to treat you fairly and well when things aren't going well.

ItsAllABitStrangeReally · 25/02/2018 18:32

Fucking hell, really could not be arsed with that business. You and your limited time on earth are worth so much more op.

Treacletoots · 25/02/2018 18:56

Your comment about the heating .. and him freezing a bit reminded me of the song Foundations from Kate Nash. Remember that one?

"Well, I'll leave you there 'til the mornin',
And I purposely wont turn the heating on
And dear God, I hope I'm not stuck with this one."

But she had a point! We've all known there's more to life than being with someone who behaves like an ass hat. Get rid, move on and upgrade to a better one. You'll be glad you did.

PyongyangKipperbang · 25/02/2018 19:02

You need to take your portion of the savings (not 50%, the actual amount you contributed) and put it into an acount that only you can access. I wouldnt want someone with that aitttude to have access to my money. If he views it as his then you could well end up with nothing.

YourWinter · 25/02/2018 20:26

You say 'there is no I or we in our finances' and he says 'it's my savings'... you are SO not on the same page. He will not change, however long you wait, however much you hope he will.

notapizzaeater · 25/02/2018 20:28

Hope the atmosphere is better today, I'd just ignore him and be questioning the future

JennyOnAPlate · 25/02/2018 20:54

Don't buy a house with him op; it will make the divorce more complicated.

He's a knob.

Manylights · 25/02/2018 21:26

Get your savings out fast and into a sole account in your name.

Think long and hard about what your life will be like if this continues...

SmiledWithTheRisingSun · 25/02/2018 21:37

Sulking about a football match is SERIOUSLY stupid behaviour.

Enjoy your wine op 🍷

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