To not announce the sex of baby...

[spongebobsquareface]

I just want to keep it between ourselves, last time we told relatives what we were having and I regretted it afterwards because I was enjoying it just being mine and DH's little secret! It can be wrong anyway, so I'm not sure what all the fuss is about?!

SIL and "D"Sis are due a couple of weeks before and have both announced theirs. SIL is fine and just happy our babies are close. My sister not so much and has kicked off because apparently she told me so I should tell her this was never agreed prior to her telling me so I'm not sure why her knickers are in such a twist. She's mentioned several times that the names can't be the same or even slightly similar, so I'm assuming she's worried they'll be the same sex. She is a spoiled brat, always has been and behaves like a 2 year old at the best of times, hence why we aren't close. This has resulted in my mum giving me the cold shoulder, which isn't a shock at all to be honest but still upsets me nonetheless.

Am I really being that unreasonable? Apparently it's causing her stress so they can't understand why I wouldn't! We're not planning any more babies and I just really wanted to keep it quiet this time.

Does anyone apart from the mum and dad actually care?

Drama? Attention seeking? Smug?

I've never read such crap in my life. It's their baby, their business and they can do what they like.

I must be getting old. In my day half the fun was guessing!

I think your sister is being unbelievably rude and unreasonable. It's not up to her what you do with your pregnancy. If you want to know but not reveal them that's your decision. If it's stressing her out so much (ridiculous) then she needs to have 3 potential names just in case. A pregnancy is not an I share now you share situation

You wouldn't be lying if you said that they couldn't be sure of the sex. They don't give a 100% guarantee.

If relatives persist in asking after further scan, you can say that you decided not to find out as the issue was causing too many disagreements so you're waiting until the birth.

I don't get the "nobody cares anyway" argument either. Clearly people do care, because they wouldn't be so annoyed that you're not telling them.

Because its human nature to feel put out by not knowing something and having it rubbed in. For example my friend not announcing the sex did quite irritating and felt a bit attention seeking, everytime someone asked if it was a boy/girl she'd say oh we know but we aren't telling anyone until the birth. Ultimatley her baby being a girl made not one scrap of difference other than "Ahh thats nice, anyway whats for dinner".

But the "I know, but not telling you" thing irritates. In the same way that attention seekings post FB statuses like "got the best news ever today can't wait until x day", people generally aren't bothered but being kept out of the loop on purpose feels childish and winds people up.

Thing is other people wouldn't think it was drama and attention-seeking unless they were actually really nosy about it and liable to create drama and give attention. It's someone else's baby. They'll tell me its sex when they're ready to. Just like they told me they were pg when they were ready. Completely their choice. And I'll pretend to be happy about it either way but not actually care, a child is a child and that's the thing I'm really excited about.

It's not like you're going out trumpetting "I know something secret". People ask if you found out. You shouldn't have to lie just because you don't want to share.

They'll tell me it's sex when they're ready to
That's the way I see it as well. People can ask if they want, but there's no reason why the couple can't just say 'we've decided to keep the baby's sex to ourselves until the birth' without being called smug or attention seeking.

I have never cared or asked about the sex, but last year my niece announced she knew the sex but was not telling, a few people then asked because that is what you do when someone says “I know something you don’t know”. Why she didn’t just say nothing I will never know.

I know something you don't know
Well we are talking about a pregnancy here, so that's kind of pretty normal really.

joleigh but the OP doesn't know herself yet.

She told her sister they would be finding out, not that they already know.

She wasn't rubbing her sisters face in anything.

She has good reasons for keeping the sex of the baby to herself. Her family "went into over-drive" and "tried to take over" her last pregnancy when they were told the sex of the baby. She doesn't want that this time.

She slipped up when she said they were going to find out, because they are already now making demands and behaving badly, but I don't think she told them because she wanted to rub their faces in anything. We've all said things we regret the moment the words have left our mouths.

To be fair to her, if this is how her family are already reacting when she doesn't know herself yet, I can take her point about the way they might behave if she does find out and shares the news.

Her sister wants to know the sex of the OP's baby so she can dictate that the names the babies are called are not remotely similar.

Her mother is already giving her the cold shoulder in favour of her sister, and the OP isn't surprised at that.

To me that sounds like there are issues with her mother already, she's hurt but not surprised by her mother's behaviour.

They sound like they will add considerable stress to a difficult pregnancy, and in that situation I doubt the OP wants to add to the drama by attention seeking or rubbing their faces in anything.

She spoke without thinking when she said they would be finding out, and is clearly regretting it now. But that's a different thing to attention seeking or vague booking, and it's certainly not rubbing their faces in anything.

Just don't tell them you are finding out. Honestly, no-one cares. It isn't a massive surprise now or at birth, there are only 2 options! It is all a bit self important, telling people you know but aren't telling. Like you expect them to be desperately excited.

Personally I think the NHS should stop giving people this option, unless exceptional circumstances, it takes time and money to do extra scanning just for the sake of knowing! I respect that you've decided to find out but afraid you've brought on your family's reaction by being all secretive. I am genuinely perplexed as to what difference it makes as to what genitals your baby has??

I don't think you should have to tell them if you don't want to. But I'd say I didn't know just to stop people going on. People are interested, judging by the number of people who asked me then didn't believe me and would try to catch me out when I truthfully said we hadn't found out!

We didn't find out DD's sex and we also didn't tell anyone our name ideas. My mum and MIL were really put out I wouldn't say about names. I told them, again truthfully, we didn't want anyone else's opinions about it.

We are going to find out sex if possible with this pregnancy (I say we, DH hadn't decided if he wants to know yet but I do. I won't tell him if that's what he wants) but we aren't telling anyone else. I dont want to be inundated with pink or blue clothes and I don't think it's anyone else's business. Again though I'm just saying we don't know - hopefully this time round family will believe us!

OP if you haven't had your scan yet, I would lie (even though I don't normally) and say you changed your mind and didn't ask. Then say 'we're not going to discuss this any further'. That should put an end to any drama. If it doesn't, and your relatives keep asking, then just keep repeating that it's not up for discussion. They should get the message eventually.

Personally I think the NHS should stop giving people this option, unless exceptional circumstances, it takes time and money to do extra scanning just for the sake of knowing!

No it doesn't. The 20 week scan offered by the NHS isn't a "gender scan" as many seem to think, it's an anomaly scan. It's essential screening for a number of potentially serious issues that may affect the health of the baby or Mother. Whilst they're checking for any problems/anomalies, they also happen to be able see what sex the baby is (in most cases) so they ask the parent if they'd like to know. It doesn't cost anything extra.

Yes I'm aware it is an anomaly scan but they do not check the genitals as part of this screening, so it does actually add to the process!

By about 10 seconds.

Why are so many people being horrible to you! This app is so bitchy.
It is completely yours and your partners choice to keep the sex of your baby a secret. No one else is 'entitled' to know and they are literally just being nosey. You shouldn't have to lie and say you aren't finding out, as it's your choice to find out and not tell anyone and any other adult should respect that.
Enjoy it, everyone else will be just as happy finding out when baby is born :)

exactly Lweji

We asked at the end of our anomaly scan a few weeks ago - the sonographer said, of course, we waited about 20 seconds, and she told us. Certainly doesn't cost the NHS any more to let parents know if they are interested.