To not announce the sex of baby...

[spongebobsquareface]

I just want to keep it between ourselves, last time we told relatives what we were having and I regretted it afterwards because I was enjoying it just being mine and DH's little secret! It can be wrong anyway, so I'm not sure what all the fuss is about?!

SIL and "D"Sis are due a couple of weeks before and have both announced theirs. SIL is fine and just happy our babies are close. My sister not so much and has kicked off because apparently she told me so I should tell her this was never agreed prior to her telling me so I'm not sure why her knickers are in such a twist. She's mentioned several times that the names can't be the same or even slightly similar, so I'm assuming she's worried they'll be the same sex. She is a spoiled brat, always has been and behaves like a 2 year old at the best of times, hence why we aren't close. This has resulted in my mum giving me the cold shoulder, which isn't a shock at all to be honest but still upsets me nonetheless.

Am I really being that unreasonable? Apparently it's causing her stress so they can't understand why I wouldn't! We're not planning any more babies and I just really wanted to keep it quiet this time.

I'd tell them that the way the reacted has made you change your mind and you won't be finding out the sex.

Your DS seems worried you will choose a name she wants or one very like it. Have you got form for this sort of thing?

It isn’t anyone else’s business what sex your baby is, and I can see why it might be nice to have that secret with your DH. But it’s enough to just know, without telling anyone else you know. That is a bit dickish.

What do you mean they went into overdrive last time?

Why exactly don't you want them to know? I can't make head nor tail of what you're saying.

We chose not to know and asked at scans not to be told When people asked what we were having we responded with a baby. If you know why not tell? or say it could be a girl or a boy but the cord was in the way.
Whatever happens good luck. Family can be pain but you miss them when they are not there,

YANBU. It’s nobody's business but yours. I bet if this was reversed everybody would tell the OP to mind her own business and she had no right to know......

So, are you both having the same??

Yeah just tell them they couldn't tell & you won't be asking in future.

I don't really get why people want to know anyway though.

Just say you were told at the scan but you've forgotten what they said
Alternatively, say you held a gender reveal party vom and forgot to invite them.

We did this and just told everyone we decided not to ask. The only person who got annoyed was a random bloke at work.

Technically saying you don't know wouldn't be lying. They can never be 100% sure at the scans about the sex so technically you won't know for a fact until baby is born!

Not that it matters if you have a boy or a girl, in fact just tell your family you're raising your child to be gender neutral and will refer to baby as 'they' and "them" until baby is old enough to decide for themself

Mistake was to tell Them you know .... tell them they couldn't tell from the scan and don't discuss anything st all that you don't want to by saying we don't know .... it irritates
People when you say 'we know but we're keeping it a secret' really nobody is that bothered really as long as everything is ok

Havent read the full thread as my eyes are going blurry due to meds - im a touch typer so here are my thoughts

straight up, its absolutely no ones business what sex your baby is, if you want to wait for a "surprise" you can have that on your last big push as that will tell the tale (not actually a tale or something has gone majorly wrong somewhere)

Maybe in the interim some head games coming from you and your DH can provide cheap entertainment, from this day forth baby is refered to as she/he (she slash he) where you can share looks and have a giggle

REASON - Im willing to bet on this, i think you are going to have either a BOY or a GIRL

Tell your sis it's a girl and mum it's a boy.

My sister has found out but not telling anyone and it's just come across as really smug and as if she thinks people are that bothered or interested in her. It's their first thing she tells people - " we know but we aren't telling anyone". If I'm honest at first my parents were a bit hurt not to know but now they've sort of lost interest and haven't asked again. She is very dramatic and loves being centre of attention though so will 100% have done it on purpose.

To be honest we've all enjoyed deliberately showing zero interest in whether boy or girl. Which I can imagine is really winding her up

I'm currently debating whether to find out. If we do and for some reason decided not to share I think I'd just tell family that we aren't finding out.

For what it's worth I do think it's up to you whether you tell people but personally I would have just pretended I don't know! Aren't you scared you might slip up and give it way inadvertently?

Few things are more smug nor boringly self important than the couple who put there head to one side and say 'we do know but were not telling anyone'. Just say you don't know. You are vastly overestimating peoples interest in the contents of your stomach.

This gets said in exactly the same snide 'Who do you think YOU are?' tone of voice every time this topic comes up. It appears to ignore the fact that the couple expecting the baby aren't wandering about orating about this to strangers at bus stops -- someone has presumably expressed the interest in 'the contents of your stomach' the this position appears to find so unlilkely in order to elicit an answer.

Could someone explain to me the logic of why knowing and not telling the sex of your unborn child to other people is considered so objectionable by some posters?

Apparently it's fine to find out and tell everyone. It's fine not to find out till the birth. This poster seems to suggest that it's also ok to find out and not tell anyone, but only if you pretend you haven't found out.

What exactly is so obnoxious about finding out your baby's sex and not telling other people without going to elaborate lengths to pretend you don't know ? And is it more or less obnoxious than having a giant PINK OR BLUE reveal party with a cake with an appropriately coloured explosion of jellybeans in the middle, or a pinata that releases pink or blue M and Ms or something?

i hate that 'i know something you dont know' crap, whats the big deal? you're having a baby, it will be obvious at some stage what sex it is

You sound like an old friend who found out but wouldn’t tell anyone, then kept posting on her FB that she wished people would stop asking. Her friends would comment saying they were sorry then she would PM them with the gender if they were special enough 😂 Same person then gave birth and ‘couldn’t wait to announce the baby’s name’ (still not announcing gender), then waited 6 weeks to announce them 🤪

This is a real MN thing that no one else is interested in your baby/wedding etc. I am very interested in my friends' lives and in people's lives in general. I don't think I'd be on MN if I weren't!

We didn't tell people with DS as I hate gender stereotypes but it kind of backfired so we have this time.

I think your best option is to say you don't know and if your sister is getting angsty about names etc then just say not to worry as she's due before you and you're not likely to choose something similar.

YANBU. They are trying to put you in your place by sulking. I would let them sulk and act like like nothing has happened. Put them at arms length for a bit and have some time off. Don't tell them OP, your decision and a completely reasonable one.

If you haven't already found out then just say you changed your mind.

I'm high risk and have been having scans every 4 weeks - each time they ask me if I know what I'm having! So you could easily get away with constantly saying to family that you don't want to find out.

We never told anyone. People like surprises.

*Oh please.

Few things are more smug nor boringly self important than the couple who put there head to one side and say 'we do know but were not telling anyone'. Just say you don't know. You are vastly overestimating peoples interest in the contents of your stomach.*

^This.

I'm finding it a bit odd that people are so irritated by you not telling. Folks get their knickers in such a twist when it comes to anything preganancy or child related. Suddenly everyone's got an opinion!

We found out but decided we'd like to keep it for us only. It has naff all to do with attention seeking, smugness, or anything else. I imagine most people don't care and for those that do, it'll be a suprise and our family seen to quite like that. If people are irritated, I'd think how weirdly over invested they were in the privates of someone else's baby.

We've had a really long and tough journey to get to this point and frankly it's not anyone else's business. I'm not going to make up lies about not knowing to appease random people. If other people want to share their pregnancy news more widely, tell the sex, tell the name and so on - great! But we don't and that's also great for us :)

I thought this was going to be one of those weird- the baby's born but we are going to give a gender neutral name and not let anyone else change nappy/take to the toilet for next eight years....

If you know sex and don't want to tell will it not be incredibly tough not to use it's pronoun-giving the game away?

I don't understand why the OP is getting grief here. Surely it's ok not to share her news/secret ?

YANBU.

I 'm not sure why people think its so bad if you find out but don't tell anybody.

We said we were waiting until our baby was born to find out, and I made a big point of saying so at every scan and appointment so there were no mistakes. My midwife was really resentful of this, she was desperate to tell me, so I reminded everybody at every appointment that we wanted to find out at the birth.

Which did not stop the woman who did my last scan (I was another high risk person with lots of scans) from promising she wouldn't even look and then zooming straight in on what was clearly a penis.

I kept that to myself for another three weeks, didn't even tell DH I'd seen it, until DS was born.

There's nothing wrong with you saying "we do know but we'd like to wait until the baby is born and do an announcement this time." You don't have to lie or give in to any pressure.

I don't get the "nobody cares anyway" argument either. Clearly people do care, because they wouldn't be so annoyed that you're not telling them.

The thing is, they care for their own sake rather than yours. Your sister wants to lay claim to names, and if you tell her the sex she still won't be happy until you've also told her the name. And your Mum cares because your sister is throwing a strop.

You don't have to prioritise that above the way you and your DH feel.