To not announce the sex of baby...

[spongebobsquareface]

I just want to keep it between ourselves, last time we told relatives what we were having and I regretted it afterwards because I was enjoying it just being mine and DH's little secret! It can be wrong anyway, so I'm not sure what all the fuss is about?!

SIL and "D"Sis are due a couple of weeks before and have both announced theirs. SIL is fine and just happy our babies are close. My sister not so much and has kicked off because apparently she told me so I should tell her this was never agreed prior to her telling me so I'm not sure why her knickers are in such a twist. She's mentioned several times that the names can't be the same or even slightly similar, so I'm assuming she's worried they'll be the same sex. She is a spoiled brat, always has been and behaves like a 2 year old at the best of times, hence why we aren't close. This has resulted in my mum giving me the cold shoulder, which isn't a shock at all to be honest but still upsets me nonetheless.

Am I really being that unreasonable? Apparently it's causing her stress so they can't understand why I wouldn't! We're not planning any more babies and I just really wanted to keep it quiet this time.

I don't think it's weird you want to keep it to your self.

Your baby, your decision. Tell your sister to Bob on, it's none of her business until you decide to share!

I agree the keeping it a secret thing is crappy.

I think I'm just going to have to say we're not finding out, to please everyone.

Saying, ‘we know the sex, but we’re not going to tell anyone’ is just irritating. We had friends who did this-it was just another thing on their list of attention-seeking ploys.

Why don’t you just say, ‘I don’t know’?

Why would you enjoy it being you and your DH's little secret? I really don't see the point

This.

It does seem very self important and a bit mean-spirited.

I couldn’t enjoy a ‘little secret’ knowing other people were upset about it.

I mean, I don't get it. Don't find out the sex and you all find out together. Find out the sex because you want to know and tell people. But finding out the sex and not telling anyone? No, I don't get that.

Just tell them you’re having the opposite of what you think you’re having. Then when they buy Boys things and you have a girl, you say “that’s why we do don’t want to reveal the gender, , it’s not always correct” then be smug.

Yeah, you are being a tit and your sister has had a go at you because you are acting like a tit.

In all honesty, I don't get the angst people get when a couple tells them they know the sex but aren't saying.

If people didn't care like they claimed, it wouldn't wind them up

It winds them up because it keeps the suspense going and they can't stand it

Your sister is upset, your mum’s upset, now you’re now upset. All for a little secret? Is it really worth it?

Couldn’t you just make up another one if you’re so desperate?

Just tell them to back off. We did the same, found out but decided it was nothing to do with anyone else and told them that.
Also it stopped people doing the usual forcing pink or blue on you.

I have to say I didn't enjoy attention from keeping it a secret (Though we just told people we didn't know), but I did enjoy having one thing that was just for me.

It's like you become public property when pregnant, everyone seems to ask you whatever they want, no matter how personal. And feel it's ok to comment on any aspect of your physicality and give you any advice whether you want it or not

Tatiana Or people could stop getting upset and cop onto themselves and stop getting worked up that they don't know if their new addition to the extended family will have a penis or a vagina

Just say they were only about 40% sure of the sex at the scan and because you don't want to stare this time you decided against finding out. Or do what joyofsox suggested :)

I'm torn on this really, a friend of mine did the same with her DD last year.

I think it is a personal choice to share your news but on the other end of it, it felt a bit childish and a bit "I know something you don't know". I don't see why my friend didn't just say she hadn't found out the sex rather than it be a kind of weird secret as largely no one other than the parents are really bothered either way?

We didn't find out beforehand. Just to wind people up, if anyone asked, we were going to call it "Elvis" whether a boy or girl!

My nephew had his legs in front of his bits for five bloody scans, truely. It does happen that you can't see it. Just act sad about the fact that you still don't know.

I'm with you OP - imo it's totally understandable to want to keep it private between you and DP. That's what I would do too. Obviously you made a mistake by telling them you were finding out but they are totally overstepping the mark by pushing it. Tbh I agree that the best course of action is to tell them you changed your mind or they couldn't tell at the scan. It might be an obvious lie, which is a shame, but it's the least worst option, imo.

No-one cares except you. Ditto being coy with names and then calling it Ava or Amelia or any other top 5 name. People just think, what the fuck were they being so coy about?

That's what we told everyone, TheHuff, DC1 was going to be Elvis either way, though that was as a 'no, we're not telling you our names list'.

Your original plan is definitely spoiled now. It won’t be fun to find out & then try to fend them off for the rest of your pregnancy. Having made this all so negative, you shouldn’t give in to them though. Why should your sister get her own way? This is not about her. You could genuinely not find out so it’s actually a surprise for you too or you can just tell them that’s what you’re doing.

Look them dead in the eye and say with a straight face 'We are hoping for a puppy what with us doing it doggy style for months'. I think it will guarantee a subject change

I’d say that you changed your mind at the last minute and decided not to find out.

FWIW, with DC1, we genuinely couldn’t find out at the 20 week scan - they asked if we wanted to know the sex, we said yes please, but DC1’s legs were so firmly crossed that there was no way anyone could make any sort of educated guess as to boy or girl. That kind of scenario won’t work if you’re going to be getting extra scans though.

Tell them you've changed mind and aren't finding out anymore. You will look silly otherwise imo.

YANBU. I don’t get why people make such a fuss about wanting to know the sex, ffs. My friend is 20 weeks and got some bad news at her scan last week. definitely puts it into perspective.

We didn’t find out with DS1 but the in as were convinced we knew and didn’t tell them. MIL even txted DH with “please tell me the sex I won’t tell cadburyegg that I know”. We bought a white bear with tiny blue ears and they were convinced we knew we were having a boy. When we did have a boy one of the first things they said when they came to see us was “oh we KNEW you were having a boy because of that bear!” Well great, cos we didn’t.