To want to move back to the uk

[Huldas]

Have been in New Zealand many years, husband is a kiwi and kids were born here. My DDs are 7 and 10 now and I don't think the education system here compares to the uk. Standards for educational achievement are just not as high. Plus I want DDs to have a sense of their UK heritage. And I am very homesick. Dh has lived in the UK before, we could both get good jobs in the UK assuming we can get dh a visa (not easy when in 40s)
But- logistically is giant hassle to move back, I have no family in the UK at the moment, and right now it is just me who wants this. DH and DDs are quite happy here.
Would it be unreasonable to pursue this? Do my concerns re education/heritage have any actual grounds?
Any advice appreciated (including areas to move to- am originally from Devon, want to avoid London if poss.)

I will give a positive (after my negative). OP house prices are crippling, I recently bought my first house and it took a lot of hard saving, I live about an hour away from London and a lot of my friends my age rent or are gifted money to buy (luckily I didn't have to do either) because people of my generation just can't seem to buy houses! DP and I could never have done it alone without pooling our savings together. Your DC will be the same unless you can support them or teach them how to save from a young age.
Also let's be honest the weather is depressing.

HOWEVER saying that I do believe we live in a beautiful country with so much history and culture. People are so negative about our country and it is disheartening. Yes I agree with other PP to wait until the dust settles from Brexit but at the end of the day England is still England and although it's different to when my parents grew up it's not worse it's just exactly that, different.

Also if you work in education you will not struggle for a job, I am a teacher and schools are crying out. No it doesn't paint a good picture for the role of a teacher that so many want to leave their profession but if you've lived it and you know what it's like and are still happy to do it then surely being able to be picky about where you work is a good thing. This country has good schools and good universities that people from all over the world come to attend so that's got to say something for our 'failing school system'. I work in a school where expectations of both staff and pupils are high and as a result we end up with happy students with good grades, can't be that bad can it?

The only thing you can do right now is talk to DH and visit but I do agree until your DC are grown up you have to put them first.

merryshitmas

I live here in England now, and do not recognise the country as you describe it.

I have just had a frightening and serious problem and was treated with such care and professionalism incredibly quickly. The NHS have been outstanding, I didn't pay a penny to be looked after. This country looks after everyone not just the wealthy.

I see beautiful fields, green hedges and daffodils sprouting through. Windy lanes and blossom budding.

Our schools are doing well, and our universities are the best in the world.
London is a world city and is incredible and getting better each year

I love the old churches, museums and gorgeous villages. The deep history on every street corner, in every town. There is a story that runs for centuries and lives on. We are an old nation, a nation with a wonderful sense of history and who we are.

After living overseas I felt it was christmas when I walked into a supermarket here, the choice is so vast and the food is great quality, organic, gluten free, it serves everyone and is amazing.

There is a reason why so many people come here, from billionaires to those looking for a better life, it is because the UK is a great country, too modest about its abilities and standard, but that is part its charm.

And as I write this the first flurries of snow fall gently in my garden, mixed in with the very early spring flowers. Would I live anywhere else now.....absolutely no way.

Homesickness is really miserable and I feel for you op. I think rocketgirl makes a good point, homesickness is like grief, England is lovely and has lots of advantages over the antipodes - mainly its closeness to other places - NZ is just SO far away from anywhere.
(Australia is bloody isolated and NZ is even further).

How does your dh feel about you testing the waters and taking a trip back? You asked about places to live - it really depends on jobs and budget, are you loaded OP? We lived in Brighton which I adored, but we couldn't afford to buy our old house back there now.

Oh and you want to be world class at professions such as law, medicine and finance this is the place to train and cut your teeth.

We have a booming market and lots of jobs. For all the moaners the economy is actually doing very well :)

I wouldn't do it, I get the homesickness, I really do, and I also get that feeling of wanting the rich history and tradition around for your kids, BUT, if you look at it with a cool head, NZ has a better quality of life, especially for kids (British kids always score very poorly on international comparisons for well-being), and the school system in Oz and NZ is better than the UK by all statistical measures (though none are great I am afraid!!)

But I feel for you, sometimes I panic I'll get stuck here forever and I just want to go home!

@rocketgirl22 I agree with your post wholeheartedly

I think you would be making a mistake, the UK is a hard place to succeed in and life for children is very stressful. If I had the chance to move to New Zealand with my children I would take it. However having lived overseas in the past I know that when homesickness kicks in you start seeing home through rosy colour spectacles.

To buck the trend - I love living in the uk. Love it. I don't know anyone who doesn't.
I'm not sure you're in a position to move back though, sorry.

We moved back to the UK from NZ a couple of years ago, we'd been there about 5 years. My reasons were very similar to yours - education, family, heritage etc. The decision to move back was difficult in the end as I had started to settle.

Anyway the way I feel at this very moment is that I think we should have stayed in NZ. The education system is different, I don't think it is as academic across the board but obviously people do as well in NZ as the UK. However whilst in NZ its very laid back and not very rigorous at a young age it's the opposite here - testing testing testing and more pressure. There are things that the NZ system does very well and it's only since I returned that I appreciate these things more. I found that as my DC were getting older it was improving over there.

My DC miss the outdoor lifestyle, of course there's lots to do outside here but it was so much easier in NZ. My DD said the other day that she does miss being outside so much.

I agree with rocket to an extent there are some great things about the UK but the country has changed a lot in the time we have been away. It's very overcrowded, NHS on its knees, Brexit mess, weather and I can't see it getting better any time soon.

Where are you OP, are you in Auckland? Don't want to appear nosy but what is your financial situation? I know NZ is expensive but we have found coming back here expensive, obvs food and clothes are a lot cheaper and a much better selection. House prices are ridiculous (but I know they are over there too). Getting your DC into a school here will possibly be difficult, we couldn't get our DC into local schools. Make a list of positives and negatives. Look at how you can reduce the negatives. If I had stayed true to my list we wouldn't have returned.

Re: international educational assessments:

Basically, the raw ranking (1st, 2nd, 3rd, "this country ranks higher than that country") is unreliable because it is so hard to compare one country to another and be sure that you are really comparing like with like.

What does tend to be important is trends across time. When a country is on a falling trend, that's when you need to be concerned. Not least because PISA tends 15yos, and TIMSS tests 14yos; if something is going wrong in primary-level education, it will take some time for the effects to feed through and there are significant timelags.

www.stuff.co.nz/national/education/100299410/kids-battling-to-learn-because-of-gaps-in-teaching-fundamentals

www.google.co.jp/search?biw=1096&bih=469&tbm=isch&sa=1&ei=6RuRWvGOAsaejwOcprGYAg&q=%22new+zealand%22+%22pisa%22+trends&oq=%22new+zealand%22+%22pisa%22+trends&gs_l=psy-ab.3...5794.6823.0.6940.7.7.0.0.0.0.116.636.5j2.7.0....0...1c.1.64.psy-ab..0.1.91...0i24k1.0.L6wb6i9FLAg

NZ has been on a declining trend for some time (not a super sharp decline, but a slow gentle decline) in all international assessments, and there is evidence that things aren't going well at primary level. Certainly, phonics does not appear to be well taught, and the anecdotal evidence that I have heard (I live in East Asia and hear of people coming and going to and from both NZ and the UK education systems quite often) is that in NZ and Oz, academic standards appear to be well below those in the UK.

I don't mean that the OP should actually up sticks and move to the UK, mind you. It would be better and simpler to find other ways to supplement her kids' education while staying in NZ.

It's written quite often that the uk system is test, test, test. I haven't seen any sign of this.
When does this start?
My dds are 9 & 7, in an English state primary school, and have been under no pressure at all yet. There was one test in year 2 I think, but school or child didn't even mention it, no fuss was made of it.

I am uk born and bread but have friends from all over the world. Most of their kids attend weekend schools which let them study in their native languages and learn more about their cultural heritage. I don’t know if you have anything similar in NZ but you could always set up something. My ex pat friends would love something like that.

I have a friend in NZ and I look at her life and am so jealous. We’Re crammed into a tiny 3 bed house with 4 kids, my friend on the same income has bought this huge house in a gated community where they have regular community events and everyone knows and helps each other out. I have 2 neighbours who I talk to.

As for education we are just producing drones who can’t think for themselves. If you can remember facts you well but you don’t need to do much other than that. Schools are rammed to such a point you struggle to get a school place, let alone any choice in that. I moved 3 miles and had a real battle with the local authority to get mine into schools and the school they are now in I still don’t feel is right for them but I had no choice. If it wasn’t for my health I’m afraid we’d of emigrated a long time ago.

I do understand how you feel though. That 3 mile move was really tough. My kids were from this small Yorkshire town and were proud of it. All our friends and support mechanisms were there and there are times I see things going on and I do feel depressed, angry and jealous. Fact is though that things are better here. The school, though academically not a great fit, has given my daughter support we could of only dreamed of before. We’re closer to the city centre, closer to the motorway and found a fabulous church.

I guess what I’m saying is you are not being unreasonable but you need to do your research, see if there are ways of reconnecting with the uk where you are and looking at the implications of moving back. The more you let it fester, the worse it’ll make you feel.

Every time we have a thread like yours OP, loads of people (many of whom don't even live in the UK!), piling in saying how Britain has gone to the dogs, how it's a seething mass of xenophobia and hate and how you wouldn't recognise it, bla bla bla. This is utter bollocks!

We moved back here from the US 8 years ago for various reasons, but weather (we lived in the NE, which is boiling/freezing), schooling (US education is nowhere near as good as the UK), and a sense of history and heritage, plus family (I have a large one here), and proximity to Europe (which we both love and knew we wanted to travel around much more than was possible from the US), were all big considerations. And I can tell you that we (myself - a Brit and DH and American and our two DC, one born in the US, one here), have zero regrets.

The education here IS better, the weather is not as extreme (although this winter, I fully admit, has been miserable), we get to be part of a big family here, and we travel in Europe several times a year. Yes, we had a nice apartment in the US, yes we had good friends, yes we had DH's small family, but our quality of life here in the UK is much better.

I will add though that we were financially comfortable there and we're financially comfortable here - and that's important - because there have been cuts here in the UK to benefits, education and services since 2010. If you are on a low income and reliant on benefits then life has got harder, but if you do not fit that profile then IME nothing has changed and while I voted for Remain and am disgusted with all the Brexit bungling of our current government I don't honestly feel that much will change when it all shakes out. We'll still import fruit and veg from Europe, we'll all still go there on holiday, and people will still be able to move and work, albeit without the freedom to do so as easily as now. It doesn't benefit either Europe or the UK for it to be any other way (and many now doubt that Brexit will even go ahead).

We love the UK. We love the history, the landscape, the proximity to Europe, and people here are, IME, as friendly as ever. This is something for you and your DH to discuss and I strongly urge you to come over and visit before you make a decision based on 10-year-old memories, but don't think that the UK has changed irreparably - it hasn't.

We lived in Canada six years and although I loved our time there, there's not a day goes by that I don't regret coming home. The UK is amazing. Great schools, beautiful countryside, NHS, TV, Supermarkets, Close to Europe....all things that I missed when living abroad.

It really isn't that bad. Also ex pats can be very down on the UK...gone to the dogs etc, to justify their life elsewhere imo.

That I do regret...not don't. I've got a hangover.

We moved back to the UK after almost 10 years in Australia, and it's the best thing we ever did. Sure, the UK does have negatives, but the positives far outweigh those, in my opinion. I instigated the move back, because the more time that went by, the more unsettled I felt in Australia. We had a holiday back to the UK, and I pretty much told OH that I didn't want to get back on the plane to go back. He was a bit meh about Australia anyway, but the kids took some convincing, although they soon came round to the idea.

We've been back for a while now. The kids are settled and happy in a small village school, and have made loads of new friends. OH is happy in his new job, and I'm just about to start looking for work now everyone else is sorted. We've just had our first winter, and to be frank I don't think the weather has been that bad. Sure, we had some snow, and it has been cold, but we've also had stretches with glorious sunshine and blue sky. There has only been a couple of days (about the time when we caught the tail end of that hurricane Ophelia I think) where the weather has been too bad to go outside. We are an outdoors family though, and just wrap up warm and go outside whatever the weather.

That said, whilst my opinion of the UK and our move back has been positive, we are in an area of the UK where we are surrounded by hills and farmland, where the schools are good, and where we were able to afford to buy a house. We could have chosen pretty much anywhere in the UK, due to the work OH does, and our story could have been very different had we moved back to somewhere else.

Could you come over for a long holiday? If NZ schools are as easygoing as Australian ones, you could take the kids out of school for a couple of weeks around the school holidays and have an extended break. I know you could wait until the long break, but then you'd be coming over in the winter.

Thanks all for the replies, is helping shape my thoughts. Love the pp who said there is more to life than fresh air and a view. Exactly how I feel about Nz.
Our finances are good and would be good in UK. All the positives people have mentioned are the things I miss, the variety, culture, deep history etc. Plus the fact it is my country of origin, that is hard to beat. We have high good prices and general cost of living here in NZ, low wages and housing is in crisis. And where I live the weather is not great! Can miss entire summers if the weather gods are angered.
I read the British press faint and did a solid bit of research into moving back two years ago. I think all 4 of us would have to really want it for a move to be feasible. Add many people have suggested I think a long holiday poss over winter so the kids could suss it out and dh and I could get a proper feel for how it has changed would be a good start.

I would also agree with juneau about being financially comfortable. We were in Aus, and we are here which of course will cushion us somewhat from the experiences that others might have.

We have lived in North and South America with kids for 10 years. Returned to UK 2 years ago. We did struggle for school places at first and had our dc names on various waiting lists. All in good schools now and I think that, although, the education system is under a lot of pressure, my dc are having a better education than I had in the 1980’s here.
They were the same age as yours when we returned. It took about a year to settle.
My Dh and I get twitcy from time to time and think about moving away again but we realise that actually the UK is a pretty good place to raise a child. Yes the winter is long but you can still get out and play, Brexit is an absolute shambles and house prices are hideous but it’s home.

I e been abroad for about five years now and I totally understand how you feel. Exiled almost.

However..when I go back I can see how things have changed for the worse. And I do worry that I’m living for something that might not exist any more. I agree with others who say an extended holiday would be a great idea.

I spent a lot of time in nz and can entirely see why people live there. I now live in a part of the UK with some definite kiwi characteristics. Less crowded, decent weather, fantastic scenery and walking ( plus castles!) . a can do attitude rather than just shifting money and buying new cars. ( generalisation of course!)

The big shock on return was the overcrowding in the south east. I lived there all my life but it had got impossible. Luckily I could get out. That said, I understand that nz has had a 20% population increase.

Should add I’m a Brit, dh is not and dc born overseas. Good luck, homesickness is awful

I spent a lot of time in nz and can entirely see why people live there.

I have a friend who has travelled extensively and stayed in more countries than I could name. She says that of all the places she has been, NZ is the one she would most like to live in, if she didn't live in the UK.

My thoughts exactly!

Yeah, no one but perhaps the odd (emphasis on odd) Cantabrian gives a flying feijoa about the First Four Ships. It doesn't apply to anyone outside of Canterbury. Also, from my experience I don't think most NZers are any more racist than most people in UK.

OP think YABU but I sympathise with your feelings. I returned to NZ from the UK three years ago and did so with a lot of sadness because I loved living there.

However this is where our families are, and we both felt that our kids would get a better start in life in the NZ education system than in the UK. Your kids are only 7 and 10- at that age what sort of educational achievements do you feel they aren't attaining at school? Other posters have given good ideas about considering tutoring and looking at IB if you feel that NCEA isn't going to cut it. Having said that, IB isn't a walk in the park and definitely isn't for every student.

Have you got a good support system for you- not for your family, but you?