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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel resentful of dh trip away

122 replies

Introvertpants · 23/02/2018 17:55

Dh and his friends decided a few months ago they were going to book three days away abroad.
I wasn't happy about this because we have just moved house and had and still have a lot of work to fork out for.
I made my feelings clear to dh even if I was bu I couldn't hide my feelings.
I am also annoyed because if at the time I had suggeted we go away together he would have said let's do it in future when finances are better. Which would have been reasonable.
Anyway because I moaned dh family gave him the money for the hotel as a gift so off he goes.
I will admit I'm jealous. We very rarely get to go away together or as a family and it feels like without any strings he just gets to do what he likes. Meanwhile I am here having to cook and clean as usual. Nothing changes for me. I'm bored.
All over Facebook dh had been posting pics of the trip and texting to say what he's up to. He's been drinking all day and no doubt will be drinking all night for the next few days.
I guess i am u but I'm jealous, resentful and I am trying to hide my feelings about it but he knows I'm pissed.
He's not done anything wrong. I just can't believe how easy it is for him and how hard it is for me.
If I were to book a trip away for three nights it would eat up the family money and I wouldn't do that because I have the house and us to prioritise.
I'm just feeling a bit sad and like I'm missing out on freedom. Someone kick me up the arse.

OP posts:
MyBrilliantDisguise · 23/02/2018 20:59

Yes, OP, why don't you just go to Dubai? Hmm

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 23/02/2018 21:01

Get highlights or have a spa day
...only kidding
But like the cosseted ridiculousness of saying it

lolaflores · 23/02/2018 21:05

Sod it. Lets all go to Dubai.
IN OUR HEADS!!!!

Crunched · 23/02/2018 21:07

Another one who understands your response.
I resent DH going away but, actually would not be the sort of woman who enjoys a 'girlie' weekend (vom).This is lucky, because I don't have a gang of mates.
Have to say, as the parent of a DS I could imagine offering to pay for him to go away with chums if he couldn't justify the expense, but I hope, if that time comes, I will remember this thread, and will suggest the money is for a romantic night away and includes me doing childcare, rather than him using the funds to put distance between him and his DP.
Have a glass of wine and Cake. He owes you when he gets back!

NeedingSunshine · 23/02/2018 21:08

OP I absolutely get where you are coming from.

I love a premier inn , if you book early enough you get rooms from £28 per night could you look at something like that for yourself?

I will admit I would never forgive my DH for doing something like that if I couldn't so the same or he didn't want to spend the time with me x

NeedingSunshine · 23/02/2018 21:09

Oh and where about in the country are you? I'd love a night away!

lolaflores · 23/02/2018 21:09

Introvertpants if it is any consolation, I am 50 years old and still get the arsehole about this sort of carry on but feel able to let him hear it without being sent on a guilt trip or made to delivered a plate of "shame on you" for stating how I feel. But it took some years to perfect
Stand yer ground girl. I do advise though, don't cry and whinge. Be clear and firm.
Tell him AuntyLola says hes an arsehole. And her DH is one too so she knows what shes talking about.

Bluelady · 23/02/2018 21:13

Another one who doesn't understand either. Book yourself a three night trip with friends and leave him to it. He owes you.

lolaflores · 23/02/2018 21:13

There was a thread a week or so ago about the aggro of having friends and i really feel that if (like me) and might I guess, going by OPs username, OP herself, socialising and all that is not the bag of fun and frolic it might be for others, then just conjuring up a girls weekend away might not be that easy or desirable.
Some of my resentment is that I know I would hate a weekend with friends away, but don't know what else there is for me to do and it makes me wonder if I am just a crumpy old cow that doesn't know how to enjoy herself?

NotAgainYoda · 23/02/2018 21:16

Oh I understand that. Girls' trips give me the heeby jeebies. I have female friends don't I don't travel in a pack

kubex · 23/02/2018 21:16

Tell him AuntyLola says hes an arsehole

Ffs. The OP isn't a child, she's a grown woman that needs to take control of her own life.

Has anyone actually read the full thread? The OP has said that her DH is lovely with her child and would babysit if asked.

The DH going on a trip isn't the problem - it's the resentment that the OP has about it, caused by her lack of social life.

NotAgainYoda · 23/02/2018 21:16

but I don't travel in a pack

NotAgainYoda · 23/02/2018 21:17

kubex

Yes, we've read it. Just don't think ffsaking and name calling is the right tone to take.

kubex · 23/02/2018 21:19

I haven't name called.

Nor have a 'slagged' anyone off.

NotAgainYoda · 23/02/2018 21:21

"You said it yourself...you're a bitter jealous cow

You need to work on your social life so you can go out and do things too, then maybe you won't resent your DH for having a life"

Page 2

lolaflores · 23/02/2018 21:28

Kubex my comment is silly. Is that allowed where you are?
You have been waspish with OP all along. Why not just accept that with grace and try to get along nicely with people.

TheWonderfulCat · 23/02/2018 21:30

I get it and dont think that yabu

Instead of choosing to go away with his wife (sounds like you need a break too) hes gone off with his friends. Im sorry if this question has already come up and you've answered it, but do you feel like hes put you last/taking you for granted?

LittleMissUnreasonable · 23/02/2018 21:37

People are allowed to go away without their partners you know. Sounds like a lot of you would have your partners strung up for having a few days away with some mates. He works hard and his parents gifted him the money. Maybe they couldn't afford to pay for the DP and the OP to go away, so why deny one a break.

Op if you are ever gifted money/get a winning litter ticket or save up make sure you have a break you deserve :) you sound like you work hard too

LittleMissUnreasonable · 23/02/2018 21:38

*lottery not litter

Bluntness100 · 23/02/2018 21:49

I also,read this as it's not the issue he went, the issue is you have little to no friends and limited to no social life so it's made you feel bad about your own position.

By your own admission you're not penniless, as some folks are trying to indicate, you can go out and he would happily look after the kid. The issue is you don't. This shouldn't mean he also can't. That's not fair.

So take control of your life, try to develop a wider social circle. You can't force your husband not to have one because you don't. You're all grown up. He will care for the kid. You can afford nights out. So do something about it.

kubex · 23/02/2018 21:58

NotAgainYoda and your point is?

Gemini69 · 23/02/2018 21:59

move your earnings into your own bank account.. and start treating yourself OP Flowers

NotAgainYoda · 23/02/2018 21:59
Grin

I see.

musicislife · 23/02/2018 22:25

You are definitely NBU, I can completely sympathise with you as this was my situation for years plus my dh was a shift-worker so I spent many many night and weekends on my own (as the adult) with the dc’s. Used to really get me down , I usually took to some diy that hadn’t been done to take my mind off it like painting a room,! He would even have 2 weekends each year going away for his hobby whereas I could never have a regular hobby/time out due to shift pattern and if I’d had a weekend away it would have been with him but no one to have dc’s , the parent who’s not there all the time just doesn’t realise what it’s like for the sahp.
It’s been a long wait but I’m finally starting to have short breaks away as my dd is 18 and goes with me!
I truly hope you don’t have to wait that long and you manage to get something sorted.

lolaflores · 23/02/2018 22:30

I agree with Gemini. If you have your money, monitor it and not have to worry about what he is doing with it, then it does take some of the worry out of things.

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