Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

To feel resentful of dh trip away

122 replies

Introvertpants · 23/02/2018 17:55

Dh and his friends decided a few months ago they were going to book three days away abroad.
I wasn't happy about this because we have just moved house and had and still have a lot of work to fork out for.
I made my feelings clear to dh even if I was bu I couldn't hide my feelings.
I am also annoyed because if at the time I had suggeted we go away together he would have said let's do it in future when finances are better. Which would have been reasonable.
Anyway because I moaned dh family gave him the money for the hotel as a gift so off he goes.
I will admit I'm jealous. We very rarely get to go away together or as a family and it feels like without any strings he just gets to do what he likes. Meanwhile I am here having to cook and clean as usual. Nothing changes for me. I'm bored.
All over Facebook dh had been posting pics of the trip and texting to say what he's up to. He's been drinking all day and no doubt will be drinking all night for the next few days.
I guess i am u but I'm jealous, resentful and I am trying to hide my feelings about it but he knows I'm pissed.
He's not done anything wrong. I just can't believe how easy it is for him and how hard it is for me.
If I were to book a trip away for three nights it would eat up the family money and I wouldn't do that because I have the house and us to prioritise.
I'm just feeling a bit sad and like I'm missing out on freedom. Someone kick me up the arse.

OP posts:

ZenNudist · 23/02/2018 20:22

I think I'm very family orientated and put family before everything else and everything else on the back burner which probably isn't healthy.

^you are right its not healthy. Its making you unhappy.

Its important to rest and recharge. You will be a better person if you get a break. Go over family budget. From now on you and dh get equal personal money and time off to enjoy yourselves. Even better if you could do it together.

Original poster

Introvertpants · 23/02/2018 20:22

Lolaflores couldn't have put it better myself.

Kubex I know. I think my issues are that I don't get out to enjoy myself much, I haven't met many friends that have became close friends. I started going to the gym which I loved but I'm having an as time with ibs just now which has me in agony so haven't been for two weeks.
I struggle to meet people too because I'm shy. I always say stupid things or not enough.

OP posts:

NotAgainYoda · 23/02/2018 20:23

introvert

I would have ignored that particular comment. Was it designed to support you when you clearly feel low? No it wasn't.

NotAgainYoda · 23/02/2018 20:24

Does your DH cook and clean?

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 23/02/2018 20:24

Stop putting yourself down op. No wonder you feel down trodden and low

RadioGaGoo · 23/02/2018 20:28

If I had a choice to either have a personality like kubex or be a bitter jealous cow, then moo.

pinkyredrose · 23/02/2018 20:37

Does he think of your DC as your child so therefore your responsibility, not his?

Original poster

Introvertpants · 23/02/2018 20:37

He's not great at cooking and cleaning but will do it when nagged asked 😁
He doesn't get home till 7pm and I get home at 3.30 so of course the brunt of it falls to me.

OP posts:

OhHolyJesus · 23/02/2018 20:39

YANBU. When you have other costs for the family, personal stuff should come second. Saying that though, you could do something for yourself which is your pay back. DH is going on a three day stag so I agreed as long as I have the equal amount of time and budget for me to go somewhere. I have to book this around his work but it was only fair.
So his stag weekend away basically costs us double what it should but if he wants to go that's the deal.
As your DH's family paid for his hotel it makes it a bit trickier but the time off should be paid back to you somehow IMO x

Original poster

Introvertpants · 23/02/2018 20:40

I think he would be the same with his own child too. He loves the bones of dd so I don't think that's why.

OP posts:

timeisnotaline · 23/02/2018 20:42

Money issue aside op, it does sound like you need to be a little bit more selfish. Plan a few affordable things and tell him rather than ask for childcare (parenting actually). You can do this. If you can’t do this ever because it’s not your child then I wouldn’t think he’s worth keeping?

NotAgainYoda · 23/02/2018 20:42

Why does a grown man need to be asked to look after the house he lives in?

You sound lonely OP. Sorry if I am off-beam here but he does not sound like he shows you as much consideration as you show him

timeisnotaline · 23/02/2018 20:42

*his child!

kubex · 23/02/2018 20:45

The money thing is an excuse.

OP obviously has a little fun money as she said the only reason she isn't going on her night out is the lack of a babysitter.

Meeting friends for a coffee doesn't cost that much, neither does going for a walk and a chat.

The OP needs to take charge of her own life and make an effort to get out and do things to stop herself feeling like she's cooped up at home all the time.

Should her DH have to give up his friendships/hobbies and stay home and be miserable too?

NotAgainYoda · 23/02/2018 20:47

Ah there you go again. The milk of human kindness

Original poster

Introvertpants · 23/02/2018 20:50

He would happily have dd if I were to go out without any problems. They are two peas in a pod.
I go out once in a blue moon and I'm talking play dates and coffee and a catch up kind of out.
I mite make a hair appt as a start and get my ibs under control so i can go back to the gym and meet people.

OP posts:

NotAgainYoda · 23/02/2018 20:50

Sounds like a plan

lolaflores · 23/02/2018 20:52

Kubex I don't know why you are taking such a pointed tone with OP? Dont slag her off for the efforts she has made to be reliable and all those things we are told are essential as good partner, mother etc. For trying hard as we are expected to do. Instead, the piss is taken and she is having difficulty expressing her resentment. The reasons for the resentment are hard to pin down but I do get the sense she is aware she is responsible for her own social life and self care.
So Kubex wind yer neck in.
NotAgainYoda, you sound lovely.

Gemini69 · 23/02/2018 20:54

I'm absolutely baffled... about why Parents in Law.. giving money to a married Son.. to fund a holiday with his mates.. whist his penniless Wife sits at home with their grandchild... do they dislike you OP ? they do not consider you a Family unit.. but instead as Their Son and you others.... ?

his has to be the most bizarre thing I ever read...

TheBigFish · 23/02/2018 20:54

I totally understand OP. DH doesn't go away loads but it is a good few times a year and I usually feel resentful and have no interest in hearing what he is up to. Like you I feel it is so easy for him to make the decision to go away, but not for me. I have had 1 night away on my own in nearly 5 years and couldn't even enjoy it as I came down with the flu...

Don't be hard on yourself, it is not easy being at home with all the responsibility that brings and hearing about all the fun someone else is having.

HotelEuphoria · 23/02/2018 20:56

Why are you staying home moaning? Sort out an equivalent and leave him in charge. DH goes to the Grand Prix every other year...in Mexico or Brazil! This year I am off to Dubai with his friends wife. No anamousity on either part. What's good for the goose..

lolaflores · 23/02/2018 20:56

Introvertpants I hope this doesn't sound condescending but are you a younger woman?
The IBS makes me think you are a worrier by nature and that you do want to do your best but you have neglected yourself in the heel of the hunt. All is not lost. This is the point where you take stock and redraw the boundaries. Don't waste anymore energy on him being away, focus on yourself and DD. Make a nice event for yourselves and don't treat it as a distraction, really enjoy it. Make something, visit friends together, her favourite park (if it isn't minus 20). Thats what Im doing if its any help.

lolaflores · 23/02/2018 20:57

Hotel I think OP has rather a different life style to you and your DH. Scroll back up and take a moment to read the financial situation.

Original poster

Introvertpants · 23/02/2018 20:59

I'm late 20s and yes always been a worrier. The ibs isn't related to the trip but other things have contributed. Worry obviously doesn't help. Will do something nice with dd tomorrow after work.

OP posts:

NotAgainYoda · 23/02/2018 20:59

Quite, lola

Flip

1 2 3 4 5