am i being a spoilt brat?

[Ravenclawmom]

ok here goes, please be gentle with me mumsnetters!

I'm not a materialistic person in the slightest, never have been but it was my birthday yesterday. DP got me some gifts, all lovely no complaints there, but then I had to spend the day alone until evening time when my family came round with gifts and cards. I have been with DP a long time and i know he's not romantic in the slightest, but i am super romantic. for his birthday i arrange trips which he loves, buy personalised gifts, i plan weeks (sometimes months) in advance, i budget tighter so i have a decent amount to spend on him, i shower him with surprises throughout the day and every year i try to outdo myself to make him feel special.
last year i bought myself birthday cards from my own children because he had "forgotten" them until the morning of my birthday, he wasn't ashamed of this and looked relived when i told him i had got them and he wasn't to worry. this year he got me cards and gifts, from both him and the children, which is better than previous years but i feel very unspecial.
am i fighting a losing battle? should i just give up all hope of every feeling important?
with everyone else i feel i am always going the extra mile to make them feel special and appreciated, even when its not their birthday, and usually I'm ok with fading into the background but come on, it was my birthday, shouldn't i atleast feel a teeny bit of something?

tell me if I'm being unreasonable?

Jux sums it up, really.

He’s not wrong just different to you.

If the comparison is making you feel bad, yours is the only behavior you have any control over so scaling back is the right thing to do.

Gone are the days when women wait for partners to do something because they can't do it themselves - take charge and arrange your own lovely day next year.
Yes but it also works the other way.
Do you think all those men, partners, will enjoy be8ng told that they can organise stuff for themselves all the time because, y it’s u know, they’re adults after all.
Taken to the end, that means that no one would ever do anything nice for their partner, think about it etc... because they can do themselves.
I actually doubt that men will appreciate that. And I suspect many rekationships wouod struggle. Because feeling that you matter to the other person IS important. And how else will yu show thatbsaid person is important to you than by doing nice little act of kindness/love in a way that the other person will get (so not YOUR way but THEIR way)??

For the OP, something special on her b’day is HER language of love, HER way to know she is cared for and loved. She might not enjoy jewellery, or flowers or him emptying the bins or working that extra hour at work.
I dontbthink it’s exceptional or surprising to ask your partner to take that into account.

My DH is the sort of man your looking for on your birthday OP....... Makes a massive fuss on both mine and our two sons big day. Same with xmas........ That's the way he is. Most people aren't though, so I feel that you are being overly sensitive......

Do you mind me saying your Op is all I I I I

I am super romantic.
I arrange trips
I plan weeks (sometimes months) in advance,
I budget tighter so I have a decent amount to spend on him,
I shower him with surprises throughout the day and every year
I try to outdo myself
I bought myself birthday cards

You sound really hard work - all this is about your performance. I would feel smothered in a relationship with you. It's almost like you are buying affection. Does your partnere like this sort of attention?

@HollyBayTree......... You're being a bit harsh I think.........

Harsh yet ..... true?

Am I the only one who doesn't understand grown adults making a big thing about birthdays? Significant ones maybe, but otherwise birthdays are for kids.
I've heard grown adults going on about their 'birthday month'

But op's partner got her nice presents and gave them first thing. That she spent the day alone is not his fault - he has to go to work doesn't he, or do you think he should have taken the day off? Was it a special birthday, like 30th, 40th or was it not?

OP, could you not arrange to meet someone for lunch, or to go to see a film, or have a massage or something? You had festivities in the evening, is that really not good enough?

If I actually want to celebrate my birthday - and sometimes I do - then I move it to the nearest weekend where the people I would like to see are free, and I organise it early. If dh and dd give me gifts on the day, that's enough. I don't remember a massive fuss being made after any of us left primary school. Parents gave presents, made special supper, had any fun and games at the weekend. Once I'd left home, birthday only marked on the day by office colleagues, otherwise everything happened at the weekend.

I don't get it. You didn't expect him to take the day off work but expected to be showered with gifts/surprises throughout the day. How was he supposed to do that if he was at work? I'm confused...