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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go to sisters meal tonight?

109 replies

Peachyfizz · 23/02/2018 07:57

Today is my sister's birthday and she's selected a place to go tonight to eat with the family. Instead of asking she's assumed and picked a time of half 6 to meet at hers then walk down to the place.
My D'S hasn't been very well these past few days. He has been running a high fever/irritable/clingy/snotty. We both haven't slept much. AIBU to not want to go tonight if my DS is still under the weather?
7pm is usually his bed time and the poor guy I think will be knackered! Especially eating at that late time too

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 23/02/2018 10:13

Really can't see why this is such an issue. Text her now saying 'DS is not well at all, not sure if we will make it tonight as don't want to make him worse, or pass it on to everyone else.'

If she gets in a huff so what? Your DS should come first.

SandAndSea · 23/02/2018 10:14

Just say that you're sorry, you won't be are to go afterall as DS is still ill and offer a couple of alternatives.

SandAndSea · 23/02/2018 10:14

*able not are

ambereeree · 23/02/2018 10:15

Surely if her nephew is unwell she wouldn't want him out and possibly get worse. If she says family comes first remind her your son is her family too. Can't think of anything worse than taking a sick baby out to a restaurant.

beargrass · 23/02/2018 10:21

Good grief, no! He's not well. Does she want his illness as a gift?! Or for him to get worse so she can have dinner out? Confused

FucksakeCuntingFuckingTwats · 23/02/2018 10:25

No I wouldn't be going if my child was ill just to placate a grown adult on their birthday. Any adult that had an issue with that is selfish and childish.

happymumof4crazykids · 23/02/2018 10:25

I wouldn't go! I wouldn't go with a child of that age who was well at that time of night. Just tell your sister he's not well and it wouldn't be fair to him or anyone else eating out as he would be very miserable.

letsdolunch321 · 23/02/2018 10:26

I wouldn’t go, I wouldn’t offer to take her out either.

I would suggest she comes to you one Saturday & you will do lunch maybe with a glass of wine.

My sister takes things personally, I can peed off trying to pacify her. It is a relentless task of me, me, me and how bad my life is.

Offer lunch then let it be her choice.
Hope the little fella is better soon

AvoidingDM · 23/02/2018 10:34

*GreatDuckCookery

I think that's different Avoiding though, you were just out with your DH ( presumably ) and not at someone's birthday meal. Also was your dc poorly?*

Just me, 1 and 7yos Pizza Hut so not too fancy. DH was away with work or one of us would have held the LO while the other sorted food.

I just couldn't face sorting food while LO squealed every time I sat him down.

Peartree17 · 23/02/2018 10:49

No-one's going to have a good time with a cranky 20 month child in tow. Not him, not you, not your sister and the rest of your family, nor the other customers in the restaurant, some of whom will have moved heaven and earth and paid good money to get AWAY from their own little darlings for an evening and will be cursing the idiot who brought a below-par toddler out.

You can perfectly well handle this. Make your excuses, (over-egg it if it makes life easier - add the runs/vomit into the snotty mix and no-one will want the child near them) and offer to host the family next weekend for cake and fizz to celebrate. Birthdays should be celebrated often, in my view - spreads the joy and takes the pressure off people to be in one place at a specific time, when life is just not like that when you are an adult!

But do it now, by a proper call. Don't cancel by text, it's rude. And don't let the hours tick by and leave it to the last minute, also rude. And if your sister sulks, don't give it any space: "Buck up, Sis! you get a nice relaxed meal AND fizz and cake next week: double bubble, happy birthday!"

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 23/02/2018 10:55

Sounds fair Avoiding. I've done similar many times tbh. I just think when it's a birthday meal and the child is poorly it's very different to piling in the car and going to PizzaHut etc.

Original poster
Peachyfizz · 23/02/2018 13:49

I did mention to her last night and day well it depends if DS is feeling better. She's now changed the restaurant too. So my son would only be able to have 1 thing off the menu as he has allergies. It's got nightmare written all over it

OP posts:
SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 23/02/2018 13:52

I'd do as pp suggested and up his illness to d+v.

RingFence · 23/02/2018 13:54

I don't think it's fair on your toddler or the other guests to bring him when he's ill. He'll be grizzly and snotty and spoil the birthday meal for everyone! And will probably give everyone his bug.

Just explain he's not well enough and cancel.

afrikat · 23/02/2018 14:02

Are your family the type to help out with him? If not I would say he's vomited tbh just to head off any arguments. No one could expect you to take him then..

PuppyMonkey · 23/02/2018 14:08

Yes, definitely add vomiting to the list of symptoms and even the neediest sister couldn’t complain if you backed out.

Willow2017 · 23/02/2018 14:10

She obviously doenst care much whether your son has a good time or not, not to mention you so I would just tell her no now and be done with it.
Last minute arrangement, expects everyone to jump to her summons, then changes them to somewhere that doesnt accomodate your child, nahh tell her to stick it.

Lovelyusername · 23/02/2018 14:17

Send a message saying OMG DS just puked, such a shame we can’t come to the meal.

Come over to ours for lunch instead. Kiss kiss kiss whatevs xxxxxx

TheJoyOfSox · 23/02/2018 14:25

Get your son fed, bathed, dosed up with calpol and settled in his pyjamas into his pushchair, walk to the venue if that possible and he should be asleep before the first drinks order arrives. You can still wish your sister a happy birthday and you get to enjoy dinner with grown ups, no washing up and no clingy, snotty son for a few hours. A win all round I think.

PuppyMonkey · 23/02/2018 14:29

Yeah Joy, she’ll just have a clingy snotty son to deal with in a busy restaurant instead. Win my arse. Confused

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 23/02/2018 14:30

What a ridiculous idea to take an unwell child out because an adult prioritises herself and a meal more than a sick baby

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 23/02/2018 14:32

When I’m unwell and running a fever I don’t want to be wearing pjs and forced to arrive at a restaurant to say hi and show face

Rafflesway · 23/02/2018 14:38

Agree with Puppymonkey!

Peachy give yourself a break! You are a great single mum with a very young, poorly DS. (He will DEFINITELY be crankey at 20 months unless you have the luck of the Gods.) Your self obsessed sister will just have to suck it up! 😡. (I am assuming she doesn't have children 🙄)

It's flaming freezing cold where I am at the moment too so no way would I risk taking out a feverish toddler.

Original poster
Peachyfizz · 23/02/2018 17:05

I've decided not to go and she seems ok. Did make me feel a bit guilty but he's whiney and clingy already so I don't think it's wise taking him out

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 23/02/2018 17:31

She'll get over it. Hope DS feels better soon.

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