Snide comment from MIL,AIBU?

[Jellybubbamama0987]

My MIL is a lovely woman and has been really helpful since I met her DS however there are times where I feel there’s been a few snide comments and this last one has really wound me up so guys help me AIBU?
My DD is 5 and I’ll admit I love a bargain so majority of her clothes are charity shop finds or hand me downs from our wonderful NDN so she has a shed load of beautiful, hardly worn, well looked after clothes both her size and next size up. We’re looking round a well known supermarket and I note the lovely clothes they have to offer and she slips in “ why don’t you spend some of her family allowance on some new clothes?” And “that it would be nice for DD to have some brand new clothes you know” Just how many clothes does she need?! I’ve got a 5 drawer chest filled with clothes, a wardrobe plus a few boxes because I have no where to store them otherwise so where exactly does she expect me to put these “brand new clothes”? I do buy her the occasional new item but I limit the amount as the above problem is there. I’m a SAHM as I care for my disabled partner so can’t work,money is tight and she’s pretty well off , so AIBU to pretty much not give into the pressure I’m feeling to buy clothes she most likely will never get round to wearing as she has more clothes that she could possibly wear before she outgrows them? Or is my anxiety issues making a mountain out of a mole hill and I should just ignore the mad fool and carry on?

Or is my anxiety issues making a mountain out of a mole hill and I should just ignore the mad fool and carry on

you have diagnosed mh issues and go around calling people "mad fools" for no good reason?

Most of my children’s clothes are second hand. They don’t know that though. I buy bundles online and they are all washed and just put in their wardrobes like a suprise. They pick the odd thing when we are in Tesco or if I see something perticular (Pokémon/minecraft) and their shoes/socks/pants/coats are always brand new. Obviously when older they might want to buy more brand new out themselves at which point i will give them cash and they can decide one £50 top or a few £10 tops etc I will still fill their wardrobe size with general clothes though.

I also get most of mine second hand means I try things I wouldn’t always buy myself as I’m unsure and it can turn out great.

Some people just have a real hang-up about second-hand clothes, especially on children. I've come across it before (not from MIL, she would re-use toilet paper if she could get away with it) and I just explain that not only is it cheaper and better value, but it is also a socially and ecologically responsible choice. Clothes should be worn until they are unwearable imo, not binned.

If she's otherwise lovely and helpful, I would probably ignore it. Everybody's personality has a few lumps and bumps, and you've found one of hers

Ok, I’ve been trying to read as many comments as I can and there seems to be a theme here. Let me add to this. I’m not saying that I don’t buy new clothes for her because I do, this day at the supermarket I saw a lovely fleece lined lightweight jacket and unfortunately it was too small so I couldn’t buy even though I was going to. MIL is a charity shop fiend like me and often buys DGD clothes from there when she sees them so I felt a bit like she was having a go at me even though she’s a culprit too. She grew up one of five and was pretty poor so I thought she would get it, that I just don’t have the same spare money that her own DD has (big job,doesn’t want for anything). while my DD is still growing like a weed I feel I’m doing the best thing, however when she is older I’m hoping that I can buy her more new clothes that she might actually get longer than a few months out of. DD and I go to the charity shops together and she knows the whole concept of how it work and she gets to choose her clothes that way,for now. From some of your comments I’m starting to feel like she’s going to grow up damaged or something because she didn’t have new clothes. Oh and as for me and clothes, yes I do get the odd new item but it’s mainly from my partner for my birthday/Christmas and I still have some clothes from nearly 10 years ago that I still wear so I’m not treating myself better than her. I don’t smoke,do drugs or gamble (I don’t have the money for that) I have the odd drink but mostly not as I’m the only driver and we live in the country so that would be irresponsible. I hope this clarifies some questions

I think she was thinking back to when kids didn't have loads of clothes so hand me downs were well worn . I never had any as I was the eldest . My sister used to have a mixture of my hand me downs and new.

Today some charity shops clothes look hardly worn, I will buy stuff like that but nothing tacky

My MIL is a lovely woman and has been really helpful since I met her DS

OP this is the point above! Forget about the clothes. MIL just has a different opinion! So what? Even my best friend has different opinions to me.

With the greatest respect I just don't think the comments were snide . That would be something snippy or snarky or something that put you down. This is just a suggestion you don't agree with...... And why should we all agree on everything?

You're over thinking this. Let her have her say . Agree to differ. Forget about it. You're dressing your daughter beautifully and she's happy. You're happy with it. Focus on the fact that your MiL is a lovely, helpful women which if you read MN you'll know you can not take for granted.

I haven’t read all comments. For my own children I do buy new clothes but they are limited, eg I’ll buy 3 pairs of trousers, 2 shorts, 4 tops 2 jumpers. Then for that season they are worn non stop until 3 months later and I move into next season. Regardless of being secondhand I don’t see the point in having 5 draws full of clothes for a 5 year old.

Mentioning the family allowance I think was just a way of suggesting you spend money supposedly already " allocated " to your DD. Rather than suggesting you go spending willy nilly. My mum would say something like that. It's quite old fashioned I suppose. The more I think about it the more I think she was trying to suggest something tactfully. She meant well.

Don't look for bad.

I'd suspect she's hit a nerve. Maybe you feel not so good about it deep down so her comment has rankled more than it would have otherwise, your comments are quite defensive,

Let it go. She's great otherwise, so don't let this get you down.

It sounds like you have loads of clothes,why not Ebay some of them and get your dd something new.

Christ send her to my MIL she used to buy awful crap from the charity shops till I said no more thank you! If I see something I or the kids like we will pick it up. You buying all the 20p tshirts and tops is a waste of your money as they go straight back as they are awful!

I think the "her family allowance" part of her comment would have pissed me off more!

Some charity shops are overpriced - several pounds for a t-shirt with “George” on the label, could be just as cheap new.

Unless your MIL is in your face weekly with such comments, you could just let it slide with a non-committal nod and "mmm'. There is no requirement to react (and I so wish I had taken this advice on many, many points in my life). If she is constantly on about it, just say something like, 'well, she actually has more nice clothes than she can actually wear, and at this point in her life she isn't expressing a desire or preference for particular brands. So I spend the CB on extra activities/save it for university/future plans/whatever".

Unless you are down the boozer or the bookies all the time, OP!

The charity shops where I am aren't that much less for decent, quality items. I don't get that part of it

That's a shame. Ours are great.

I got myself a lovely pair of Jenny Packham Periwinkle sandals brand new by the looks of them for just £2.99 last week.

Also got a Ariella London dress a few weeks back for just £4.99 retails at over £120

I don't think she said anything wrong, it is nice for children to have new things rather than second hand all the time. Many share the opinion that child benefit is for extras for the child, not for the parents to spend on essentials that they should be providing.

My sister hated hand me downs and friends feel the same. It's awful growing up with barely anything new and not being on a par with peers.

Well we don't know her to know if she was being snide - having a go at you for buying second hand or spending the family allowance unwisely. But you did say she was nice so maybe give her the benefit of the doubt that she was just making conversation because you were saying you liked the clothes?
I would have just said that it would be a waste because she's already got loads of stuff and you'd rather spend the money on toys/swimming lessons/whatever.
My kids have a mixture of new and second hand stuff and they couldn't care less either way.

I buy all my DCs clothes from a consignment shop. You get more clothes for your money that way (so you can get away with putting off doing laundry for longer). The DCs are 5.5 and 2.5- at those ages kids outgrow clothes pretty fast, so the secondhand clothes are usually in good shape. And this way I don't have to restrict their activities for fear of ruining their clothes- if they do ruin something, it didn't cost much, so it's no big deal. I remember being told not to eat or do things because I would ruin my clothes when I was a kid. I didn't like it, and especially with my daughter it plays into gender roles that I don't like. I want both of them, but especially DD, to think more about stuff they want to do than about their clothes. I will keep buying their clothes secondhand until my kids say they don't want it.

Ive been lucky to have plenty of handmedowns from my sister. But at age 10 and 8 my boys are developing their own style which is very different to my nephews. So i am starting now to buy items they like. But hand me downs were fantastic in their early years when mo ey was very very tight. I would shrug off your mil comment

I grew up with very few new clothes. Maybe two new outfits per year. One pair of shoes worn until outgrown or ruined. Coats were to last two years. My gm would bring a bag of jumble clothes sovi had enough. I was often mocked or just embarrassed.

My dc were never in hand me downs. I couldn't bring myself to do it. I shop bargain bins, closeout sales, coupons, etc. I paid less than most charity shops for new clothes. But they were not made fun of for dressing in the same old clothes.

Your dd is young now. Wait until she has an opinion. I loved taking dc to shops and letting them choose things. They knew to shop sales, but they were happy with clothes that they felt equal to their peers wearing....unlike their mother.

Hand me downs and charity shop clothes are brilliant for kids (& adults). Kids do not care & it’s the best thing for the environment, sweat shop workers & the pocket. I’d say to the MIL “we’re not in a position to buy new clothes, the family allowance doesn’t cover it”. She can buy new if she likes.

Ps I always pass on hand me downs & charity shop clothes too - would be horrendous if they all went to landfill etc

You may not BU to be upset about the comment - it's hard for posters to understand the tone of voice at the time (though I suspect the comment was intended to be helpful)

YABVU to call her a 'mad fool'