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Original poster

Another hen do one!

116 replies

Henhenhen · 22/02/2018 22:09

What are people's thoughts on inviting people to a hen do that will cost circa £200 for 1 night before travel etc?

A bit of background. I'm one of 3 bridesmaids; the other 2 plus the bride think this is fine.

It's an event you could attend for about £50 but the additional cost is to doing it in hospitality (no free drink!)

No one is especially well off but not on the breadline either.

Is it too much to ask or will people be ok if we ask?

I'm concerned if the bridesmaids try to arrange this and it's deemed unreasonable we'll be stuck between a rock and a hard place.

TBH, I don't understand why we can't do the cheap and cheerful non-hospitality version.

OP posts:
Original poster
Henhenhen · 23/02/2018 08:19

I know what you mean lonicera, but there has been an argument that £200 isn’t that much because we’ve all spent that on other hen dos.

This is true but they’ve been nights away with activities so people were happy that what they did was value for money.

TBH I find it ridiculous that weddings can end up costing guests the best part of £1,000 once you factor in hen dos, accommodation, gifts, travel etc.

OP posts:
Sarsparella · 23/02/2018 08:23

It doesn’t sound like the other hens understand they’re not comparing the same things Confused

Of course £200 for say travel, accomodation for a couple of nights, drinks/food and an activity is more acceptable than £200 for one activity & nothing else

Springtrolls · 23/02/2018 08:24

Wouldn’t pay £200. That gets you a cheap break somewhere.
And £150 for some food? Not a chance.

BriocheBriocheBrioche · 23/02/2018 08:27

I’d suggest you get the £50 tickets and organise a dinner beforehand in a restaurant.
If it’s a big concert it will be in/near a city and may even have restaurants on site.
The food will be better than mass catered stuff, everyone gets to choose their own meal and have their dietary needs catererd too.
You can decorate the table, take a cake etc.
No way would I pay 4x the ticket price for a crappy meal in a corporate box.

Shadow666 · 23/02/2018 08:38

Definitely meet up for a meal and pre-concert drinks elsewhere and head to the concert together.

BustersBloodVessel · 23/02/2018 08:48

I think it's a lot to ask as it kinda puts people on the spot... they may not have the money to do it but will say yes so as not to spoil the hen night...
My cousin is having her hen do abroad..,
3 nights in Barcelona... so the hens have to pay for transport to non local airport, their flights, hotel, not forgetting the three days of celebrating. The hotel that has been booked is roughly €250 a night, so even sharing isn't exactly cheap. Going by the places that she wants to go to over those days, it's going to easily cost about €1000 all in for this weekend. Its her fourth marriage this year. I managed to get out of her previous hens due to work commitments, but now as I don't work, I have no choice but to go and she has categorically said that if I don't, she will never talk to me again and she means it.
I really don't want to go... I have nothing in common with any of the other girls, I've never hung around with them and it's such a lot of money to be spending on something I just don't want to do... and to add to it, the wedding is going to be in another part of Europe in September so that's another huge cost as then it will be myself and DH. We've priced that up and that's also going to be at least €1000.
It pisses me off because although I love her dearly, I can't believe she expects people to fork out so much money for her wedding plans. Her friends are kinda rich though so it's no biggie to them.
Sigh

thinkfast · 23/02/2018 08:50

I think it's a decision for the bride.

She should choose between the cheaper option, or the more expensive one taking into account that if she opts for the more expensive one some people won't want to go, or will go but will feel disgruntled.

Shadow666 · 23/02/2018 08:53

Seriously, Busters, just say no to the hen do. If she never speaks to you again, that is on her not you.

Karigan1 · 23/02/2018 08:53

Currently having to pay £200 odd for a hen do here. It’s painful as I have a tight budget but it’s been arranged to pay £50 a month over 4 months to break it down. Personally I wouldn’t have gone if the person getting married wasn’t such a good friend. Be prepared for people to decline at that price

LoniceraJaponica · 23/02/2018 08:56

Busters would it really be such a bad thing if your cousin doesn't speak to you again? She doesn't sound very nice. I hate it that people guilt trip others to do things they don't want to or can't afford.

SIL sometimes tries to do that with us, but our stock answer is "don't try and guilt trip us, you know it won't work". She does it less often now because we have our big pants on and can stand up to her. And the world hasn't ended, and she hasn't stopped talking to us.

People behave like this because others enable it. Stop enabling her.

WeeM · 23/02/2018 09:03

I paid £200 for a hen weekend that was 2 nights, 2 activities, all our food and drink for one of the nights. It was a great weekend and thought I got great value for money. £200 for a £50 gig before travel/drink is not good value and I would be put off going for that reason.
Maybe you could have a look and find somewhere really nice for dinner and suggest that by sending them a link...maybe if you show them what they can get elsewhere they might warm to the idea.

SleepingStandingUp · 23/02/2018 09:07

I'm happy to pay £200, for accomodation, couple of activities / meals. What I would refuse to do is pay £200 for bragging rights (oh yeah, we had the hospitality package don't you know!! Are the seats up in hospitality too?) another £200+ on accommodation, travel and alcohol.

teaiseverything · 23/02/2018 10:38

OP, you sound sane. Show this to the others (or beat them over the head with a printed version) and hopefully it'll talk some sense into them.

fifig87 · 23/02/2018 11:03

Op,
Is it a private box or just a big general hospo area? Personally I wouldnt for a gig. Half the craic is being mixed in with the crowd. Is there a choice of a better seating area and paying a little extra for that?
Once accom and drinks at a gig are added in it really does add up, drinks tend to be expensive at stadiums.
Book somewhere for an early bird dinner.

And as someone who has and still does the odd bit of hospo it isnt always worth the price!

DancesWithOtters · 23/02/2018 11:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cmagic7 · 23/02/2018 12:05

Rather than coming across negatively, you could always just send them an email saying, 'as an alternative, we could...'. Then make some solid restaurant/ cocktail place suggestions and how much you would save. Check out some of the voucher sites or opentable where you can get some really good deals.

FakePlantsOnly · 23/02/2018 12:35

You've made a valid point of thinking "what else could I do with £150" and I imagine that's what everyone else will be thinking-I know I would.

Also, most people aren't forthcoming in regards to how close to the breadline they may be, just because it doesn't outwardly appear that they are, doesn't make that the case

Motoko · 23/02/2018 13:26

Hell no! No way would I pay that for what it is. I wouldn't even pay that for any other hen do either, even if it included accommodation. This trend for weekend stag and hen dos, often in places where you have to fly to, is ridiculous and puts a lot of pressure on the guests.

I managed to get out of her previous hens due to work commitments, but now as I don't work, I have no choice but to go and she has categorically said that if I don't, she will never talk to me again and she means it.

And this^ I'd call her bluff and not go. If she thinks it's ok to blackmail someone like that, to get her own way, she's not worth your love Busters. And it's her FOURTH wedding, ffs! Just tell her you can't afford it. I wouldn't go to her wedding either.

Doobigetta · 23/02/2018 13:43

Too much. Just do the concert and have dinner somewhere else. If you allow £50 per head for dinner you'll probably get better food than the "hospitality" for £100 less. Unless you're talking something like Glyndebourne where it's really part of the experience, that's different.

Jaynesworld · 23/02/2018 13:58

Im in a similar situation. Hen wants to spend £200 on a night out in a city with hotel and activities. Add on travel £50 to get there, add on travel around city to get to the activities. Plus drinks and spending money. Will need over £400 for one night.
Not to mention shes also having a bridal shower and the expense of the wedding. I was a bridesmaid and wanted money towards dress and dress alterations, husband was a groomsman and wanted £150+ to hire the suit and a specific type of shoe, that again we have to pay for.
Were very, very offended when we declined.
They have a very active social life, going on plenty of holidays, nights out, concerts etc.
Cheeky fuckery

alleypalley · 23/02/2018 14:31

I'm guessing Ed Sheeran too at Wembley. I think you should push for the £50 ticket.

It won't be Ed Sheeran, those tickets were sold out straight away, and even then I doubt you'd have got one for £50.

To answer the OP though, no way would I spend £200 on a hen night, for one evening especially before traveling, accommodation and drinks. I have spent more than that but only for a very good friend and it was a whole weekend, food, drink and a few activities, including the races on the last day where I won most of my money back for the weekend.

LoniceraJaponica · 23/02/2018 15:12

Well done for standing up the bridezilla Jaynesworld
What on earth is a bridal shower?

BrazzleDazzleDay · 23/02/2018 15:17

Id grudge spending 50 quid on just the event, 200 would have me howling with laughter and thinking you were nuts

Blondeshavemorefun · 23/02/2018 15:37

happy to pay £200 for a hen weekend if get meal,accomdation and activity

but wouldnt pay 200 if could get samething for 50plus £20/30 meal at zizi etc

why so coy about what it is

unfortunateevents · 23/02/2018 15:49

A mark-up of £150 on a gig that costs £50 sounds ridiculous, if you are really just getting a better seat and a dinner. Is that absolutely all that you are getting?? I am guessing that it must be sold more aggressively than that so presumably there are souvenir programmes, some kind of gift, priority entry etc. (i.e. loads of stuff that nobody cares about anyway). It is something that I might consider for a really, really popular event if there was no other way of attending but if you have the luxury of discussing what type of ticket to buy this makes me think it can't even be one of those gone-in-a-flash concerts which makes it all the more incredible that the VIP packages have a mark-up of 300%! It's also something that might be nice for a couple of people but not for a big group where part of the fun is mixing with the crowd, queuing for the toilets, eating overpriced fast food etc. I would be less than amused to get this kind of invite and wouldn't go.