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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dh ex wife trying to make me jealous!

43 replies

Meadowflowers · 22/02/2018 20:47

Am I over reacting here?
Tonight dh and I saw his ex wife at dc sporting event and and she spent the evening reminiscing about all the holidays they'd been on together when they were married. I tried to be involved in the conversation but it was difficult as they were personal memories shared only between the two of them. She then moved the conversation around to other things they did together as a married couple whilst laughing and touching his arm repeatedly throughout the conversation. I felt so awkward and stupid being there like I was intruding on the two of them! Dh like a knob joined in with the conversation therefore also completely excluding me! Is this just my jealousy making me over react? She left and divorced him for someone else.

OP posts:

NSEA · 22/02/2018 20:48

I see it more as her insecurities. Ignore.

ghostyslovesheets · 22/02/2018 20:48

no - but he's a dick for ignoring you all night

Peekaboo3 · 22/02/2018 20:49

WOW. Sounds like she didn't want him but doesn't want anyone else to have him.

What a cowbag.

IGNORE! She is jealous of you, and regrets dumping him, that is obvious (to me anyway!)

ScipioAfricanus · 22/02/2018 20:49

It sounds very rude of them both to dwell on things that you couldn’t voice an opinion on etc. But I’d be crosser with your DH than with his ex - he should have been more thoughtful of your feelings.

Lookatyourwatchnow · 22/02/2018 20:50

She's a knob but I would be beyond furious with him

Peekaboo3 · 22/02/2018 20:51

And yeah, he is out of order for spending time chatting to her!

Justoneme · 22/02/2018 20:53

Childish .... I would be pissed ...

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 22/02/2018 20:54

She's a twat but your 'D'H is a bigger one.

Bluntness100 · 22/02/2018 20:55

I'm not sure she's the issue here. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. He did that all on his own. Why did he engage in that sort of talk and cut you out? I'd assume he still has a thing for her.

And why is your focus only on her? It takes two to have a conversation.

Notonthestairs · 22/02/2018 20:58

She's a twat but your 'D'H is a bigger one.

This.

Bluntness100 · 22/02/2018 21:03

I just don't understand your mindset, you need to explain more.

You've posted your husband stood reminiscing with his ex in front of you and cut you out, she was flirting, so prob he was too or he was enjoying it. Yet you downplay his actions and blame her.

What's your logic in being ok with him doing this to you? I'd be fucking fuming, but not with her.

PhelanThePain · 22/02/2018 21:07

Am I over reacting here?

Well you havent said how you reacted so I have no idea.

I will say that you can’t control how she behaves, you can only control how you react. Ask yourself this, if she is trying to make you jealous and you react by getting jealous, who wins? Or if you react by getting pissed off or possessive? Who benefits from that? Certainly not you or your relationship, right? So what’s the best reaction to someone trying to get a reaction out of you? No reaction at all. So don’t react, don’t get jealous or angry or possessive. It doesn’t benefit you to do that. Her behaviour doesn’t need a reaction. Your not in a competition with her. Don’t acknowledge her silly behaviour by giving it a reaction.

Leeds2 · 22/02/2018 21:17

I would be more cross with "D"H for indulging her.

Gemini69 · 22/02/2018 21:25

it was so wonderful.. He's MARRIED to someone else

Original poster

Meadowflowers · 22/02/2018 21:27

Oh I haven't talked to him since! I am fuming with him and he knows it. If i make a deal out of it he says I'm over reacting and defends her, so that winds me up even more. It's always me who's over reacting and they're doing nothing wrong. It does piss me off. I smiled politely at their conversation but didn't say anything about it. Thank you for your views.

OP posts:

CurlyRover · 22/02/2018 21:32

YADNBU!

I would be beyond pissed if DP did this. Although he has more common sense and tbh he would not want to engage in that level of conversation with her.

You should definitely more pissed off with him though. Yes she's a year but she doesn't have a responsibility towards you whereeas your DH does.

PhelanThePain · 22/02/2018 21:35

If i make a deal out of it he says I'm over reacting and defends her

Don’t mention her. Your issue is entirely with him flirting with another woman, and worse, right in your presence. Make sure you keep it all about him and his behaviour then he can’t defend her because it isn’t about her. Challenge his behaviour.

Aquamarine1029 · 22/02/2018 21:37

Just ask him how HE would feel if the situation was reversed. An ex fawning all over you, giggling and gabbing about past experiences, while you eat it up and he sits there being humiliated and ignored. He would be FURIOUS and he knows it.

Zaphodsotherhead · 22/02/2018 21:38

Next time he tells you you are overreacting, ask him if he 'overreacted' when she left him for someone else...

The woman cheated on him, then divorced him. Does he have no self respect?

KarmaStar · 22/02/2018 21:42

He was rude and inconsiderate of you but I wouldn't say he still found her attractive.
She was just being a birch and saying "I am the alpha female here"
She just comes across as an insecure woman.
Rise above them OP.
But he should apologize

KC225 · 22/02/2018 21:53

Some people see ex's as forever territories. Even if they have moved elsewhere they still need to know and others to see where they have been and what they think they could get it back if they snapper their fingers. My DH's ex was the same. I say 'was' after numerous episodes like this, I refused to meet up and be part of her scent spraying/leg cocking. However, it was easier to disengage as they had no kids.

I agree with the others, it shows up her insecurities. But it's not nice to sit through. You are right to give your DH a hard time. Pandering to her games showed a lack of respect to you.

If it happens again, I would pat her on the arm and 'Awww you obviously need this time to feel good about yourself, so I will leave you to it.'. Then go and get yourself a coffee or a good drink.

Withhindsight · 22/02/2018 21:55

Hmm sounds like may regret leaving him and he sounds like he is her lap dog and she knows it. If she clicked her fingers would he run to her? He is either a bit weak and still under her spell and cant see what she is really like or still in love with her. Which ever it is I think sadly you have a hard task in front of you. he needs to show you privately and publicly( in front of her) that you come first. Give him a complete bollocking and demand that next time he puts a stop to this. She does it because HE lets her and she's loving it.

gillybeanz · 22/02/2018 21:55

I think she was trying to tell you that you weren't welcome at the sporting event, unless you've been attending school stuff for years.
I'm not sure I'd like another person other than family at my dc events, certainly not a step parent.
Apologies, if it is normal and she's ok with it.

Bluntness100 · 22/02/2018 21:57

Op are you saying he has done this to you before with her? And that if you do mention it, you blame her, not him and he defends her? Why are you not blaming him?

Is he not there for you to speak to about his behavuour?

YellowMakesMeSmile · 22/02/2018 21:58

Are they your DC or theirs?

If theirs, she is likely wondering what you are doing there and purposely made you feel uncomfortable as she was feeling the same with you turning up to an event for their children.

However your DH joined in so that says a lot.

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