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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh ex wife trying to make me jealous!

43 replies

Meadowflowers · 22/02/2018 20:47

Am I over reacting here?
Tonight dh and I saw his ex wife at dc sporting event and and she spent the evening reminiscing about all the holidays they'd been on together when they were married. I tried to be involved in the conversation but it was difficult as they were personal memories shared only between the two of them. She then moved the conversation around to other things they did together as a married couple whilst laughing and touching his arm repeatedly throughout the conversation. I felt so awkward and stupid being there like I was intruding on the two of them! Dh like a knob joined in with the conversation therefore also completely excluding me! Is this just my jealousy making me over react? She left and divorced him for someone else.

OP posts:
Tistheseason17 · 22/02/2018 22:03

She was unpleasant.
He joined in - this is worse.
YANBU

Original poster
Meadowflowers · 22/02/2018 22:08

KC225 I love that come back actually!
Ok so the back story is that me and dh have been together for 8 years married for 3. They divorced 9yrs ago. Even when they were together she never did school or sports events. The only time she did is when they went through court for custody and in the end she said he could have the dc and she'd see them at weekends. Since then I've done all the school/sports and appointments. The only reason she was there tonight was because dc were with her for a few days during the hols. We went cos I had to sort out the monthly payment and pick up his kit for the next game.
As far as dh is concerned I can 100% say he down not have any feelings for her whatsoever but he just jump every time she clicks her fingers to ask him to do something for her. She is now single and definitely regrets leaving him.

OP posts:
gillybeanz · 22/02/2018 22:15

Meadow
Context is everything, I'm sorry I suggested you might not have been welcome.
On the contrary under the circumstances you had more right to be there than the child's mother.

I'd talk to him about how he treated you and how it makes you feel.
He should have brushed her off straight away YANBU

Original poster
Meadowflowers · 22/02/2018 22:16

Does not have feelings for her!

OP posts:
Gabilan · 22/02/2018 22:17

I can 100% say he down not have any feelings for her whatsoever but he just jump every time she clicks her fingers to ask him to do something for her.

Those two things don't go together.

Original poster
Meadowflowers · 22/02/2018 22:18

I guess all she has got is memories. I've got every day and year to make memories with him. That must kind of piss her off when her own affair failed. I'm still angry with him though.

OP posts:
Notonthestairs · 22/02/2018 22:19

Ok, well then she was definitely feeling out of her comfort zone and looked to old memories to make herself feel better, more part of it all.

But - and I know this is hard to read and you feel it is all her fault - your Dh should have turned the conversation around. Youve been together a long time and from what you have said you've been very involved. He should be making that clear, not allowing her to cut you out of a conversation.

Original poster
Meadowflowers · 22/02/2018 23:19

So I've had it out with him and he said he changed the subject twice cos he could see I was uncomfortable (pissed off) and When she touched his arm he moved to stand on the other side of me which when I think back, he actually did. I think I was so pissed off I didn't notice at the time. I'm still annoyed that I've let it get to me though!

OP posts:
Idontdowindows · 22/02/2018 23:24

If he changes the subject and she brings it back he should simply go "yeah well, that's in the past, this is now" and not engage with her.

Original poster
Meadowflowers · 22/02/2018 23:38

I wish I had the balls to do that! I really do. X

OP posts:
FlippingFoal · 23/02/2018 00:06

I agree with Idontdowindows - a good response would be "Can we leave the past in the past please?".

I'd probably bring up about her affair and ask if they would like to reminisce about that too but I'm a bitch like that

Bluntness100 · 23/02/2018 16:43

As far as dh is concerned I can 100% say he down not have any feelings for her whatsoever but he just jump every time she clicks her fingers to ask him to do something for her

Sorry op. You can see the contradiction right? It could be he enjoys the attention or the fact she left him he wants her to want him, or he needs to feel she's attracted to him because of her previous rejection. Whatever, there are feelings there. On your side, you need to feel it's all her, accepting otherwise Is too hard maybe.

NoHunsHereHun · 23/02/2018 17:10

I'm not sure I'd like another person other than family at my dc events, certainly not a step parent.

Wow gillybeans, really? Why? I would never resent ExH's wife attending DS events, not would he resent DH being there. I value that they care enough about him to want to attend.

OP this would boil my piss too. Second the response of "that was then, this is now" if you can do it next time - better if your DH is the one to say it though! Re him doing as he's told for her, this used to annoy me with my DH and his exW. I think it was always out of wanting to do absolutely anything for his DD though. I do not think it means your DH has feelings for his ex.

Idontdowindows · 24/02/2018 12:02

I'm not sure I'd like another person other than family at my dc events, certainly not a step parent.

So your child's father would never be allowed to take his partner to an event his children were in?

Wow.

JacquesHammer · 24/02/2018 12:06

You know, ex-H and I split very amicably. We still see each other a lot (with his new wife) and we have shared experiences we sometimes mention. I certainly don't have feelings for him anymore.

It would be naive to think you can erase the relationship they had.

Your issue is with the fact that they excluded you which is rude in any conversation.

I'm not sure I'd like another person other than family at my dc events, certainly not a step parent

DD's step-mum has every right to be at DD's events. In fact if ex-H is away, me and step-mum usually go together.

swingofthings · 24/02/2018 12:13

She was flexing her muscles, thinking that because she finally decided to act as a parent and attend a school event, you should have allowed her that pedestal and step down.

She is probably a very self-centered woman who expect the world to revolve around her. I would have totally ignored her, refusing to indulge her trying to upset me.

Original poster
Meadowflowers · 24/02/2018 14:18

So today all things resumed to normal. There was an early morning game which required parents to bring food for afterwards and even though dss is with his mum it fell upon me and dh to take him and provide the food as it was too early and cold for exw to attend! I guess in the longevity of things I don't have much to worry about then! Grin

OP posts:
Lifeisabeach09 · 24/02/2018 14:20

Stating her claim that he was once 'hers.'
And sounds like she's still a bit into him even though they didn't work out.
They both sound like complete dicks for excluding you from the conversation, especially your not-so DH. I'd be pissed off.

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