Are first borns the favoured child?

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Just that really. Has anyone found this to be the case? I'm expecting a child with my partner who has a child already. I love them both to bits, but I'm having some anxiety as to whether my partners first born will be the favoured child. I know I'm being stupid, but just looking for some opinions!

I have 2 brothers and I am the middle child. Older brother is only my half brother which does make a difference but in our case it is definitely the youngest child that is the favourite and that is the case pretty much across our extended family as well. Being the only girl I do have a better bond with my mum than the others do but definitely the youngest is favoured.

to add, I think the youngest can have it easier, because by the time they arrive, you have learnt to pick your battles and have given up on some expectations, for lack of a better word. Oldest is also expected to be a bit more sensible, being.. older!
Still no favourite though

Not in my family when I was growing up. (I'm the eldest of four, and would describe myself as the one most overlooked.) Both my parents from pretty deprived and dysfunctional backgrounds are both also the first-born, and that for them automatically coded as 'This one's job is to be like us, to be reliable and uncomplaining, to do well at school without us having to have any input, and to make sacrifices and put up with things for the sake of the younger ones, who aren't as reliable or easy.'

But you're asking another question entirely, OP. It's not just a matter of older child vs younger child in your scenario, it's that your partner has a child from a previous relationship and now you're having one together.

You'd be better off asking people who've had children with more than one person if those variables have made a difference to their feelings about their children.

It's not an easy question to answer honestly, I imagine -- I know a good friend of mine who had a child with a neglectful and abusive waster (who walked out when his son was a baby) worries about what she fears are inherited traits from his father, though they've never met that the son can remember, and the father lives on the other side of the world. His strong physical resemblance to his father as he hits his late teens she also sometimes finds difficult.

Parents always say they have no favourites. Children usually tell a different story.

Totally agree with this. But I don't think it depends on birth order, it's to do with personality types. I truly believe I love my DDs equally but I find the relationship with DD1 much harder work so I suspect when she grows up she will feel like I favoured DD2.

BUT - I do think that grandparents usually strongly favour their first DGC. My DM is blatant about doing so, and my DGMs were the same. Same on DHs side.

No, you don’t love Just one child like you don’t love just one person, you grow more love. Children are all different and are loved differently. I’m sure you partner will love his first child because it’s his first and he will love this child because it’s his first with you and and youngest. I love all my children the same amount, I’m sure he will love both his children the same amount too!

I think the oldest was my dads favourite and the youngest was my moms (poor me and my middle brother) I think though when it comes to "favouring" the youngest, it's not as much favouring as "babying"

i love all mine equally, I find some of them easier to get along with than others (some of the time) basically, they play tag team 'absolute sod'.

Totally true when i was growing up - my parents thought (and still do) think the sun shines out of my brothers arse. Me and my sister are used to it though and we've sort of adjusted to it somehow - we're all adults now so perhaps that why. I always thought my younger sister later on in life became a daddy's girl just by virtue of being the youngest too. I was sort of the middle-child outcast

I have two children of my own now and there is no such thing as favoured - i love both the same and when i buy things - both have the same. If my daughter has a new dress, my son has a new shirt. Daughter will start tennis lessons soon, and when my son is old enough, so will he. I would rather die than have my son think i favoured his sister or vice cersa - only because i remember exactly how i felt when i started to realise it.

Hmmm for the parents I would say no but I have definitely noticed the first grandchild is the favoured one.

I feel like it is possible to like them differently though for sure. You may love them all the same but surly as they grow you can have more in common with one more then the other/others?

Love is the equalizer, however I know that there will always be a little extra connection on a friendship level with my first as it was just me and her for 8 years until the next one

@Clearlynotmyname I agree, and 'loving' 'liking' and 'being favored' often has little connection to each other. Some people are favored because they are less liked and visa versa

I am the oldest of 4 and definitely NOT the favourite, actually I think my mom barely tolerates me as it is. Her favourite and that's well-known to my entire family is her oldest son so DB1.

I am definitely the favourite of my grandparents though not sure if it's for being the first grandchild, the only granddaughter or because I am the only one bothering to actually go and visit them regularly since I am little (even though I currently live abroad) but yes, it's clear they prefer me even though they are ALWAYS fair when it comes to presents and stuff like that (wish I could say the same thing about my mother).

Well your OH may not favour his first but you may favour this child you are about to give birth to- your first and only child.

Agree with Alexkate above. Depends on which young adult is behaving better at the time. Both have sent me to tears of rage and tears of laughter. Extremely grateful for both.

My parents favour my youngest sibling (to the extant that they bought her two horses and made me work for them for no pay because they were short of cash).
With my own children I've been very careful not to favour one over the others. They joke about wanting me to pick a favourite but they are glad that I won't. I love them the same amount but differently and they are happy with that. And nobody is getting a fecking horse!

In my family that depends on who you ask. My younger sister and I (DC1 and 3) argue which of us is the favourite Our brothers just roll their eyes at us and don't seem to care.

My mum says her favourite child is the one who tolerates her hugs for the longest!

Yes.

The evidence of this thread alone shows that first borne aren’t always the favours child, @GrannyGrissle. I’m the eldest and definitely was NOT the favoured child.

My apologies - I can usually post without making so many stupid mistakes!

I think I agree about grandparents sometimes favouring the first grandchild, but I think for parents it's more complicated, and the one who gets a disproportionate amount of time/ attention/ money is usually the one that makes them feel the most guilty, which can be for all sorts of reasons from family circumstances to manipulation to health to educational and personal "success" and a million and one other things.

Well I am the oldest grandchild on one side and the oldest female on the other side and I feel like I am definitely a favourite. We always joke that I am the premium grandchild because I actually bother to write letters and call them.
Growing up, my younger sister used to be my parents favourite, always getting away with everything, getting expensive gifts for her birthday while I had to "save them up" (Example: I had to wait for my first communion for a Nintendo DS, she got one for her birthday), but as she got older and much much more difficult I think I sort of became my parents' favourite for being "nicer" and also because I am not around that much anymore

Not in my family. I was the first born and I'm the least favoured - in the extreme.

I have one child, she's my absolute favourite person in the world.

I must say that in my experience most parents tend to see the oldest as capable and self sufficient and therefore largely ignore them unless they screw up or are needed to be capable and handle something.

This starts very early - a first born 8 year old is treated as years and years older than a sibling will be when they reach 8. An 8 year old first born will be expected to make allowances for a 5 year old sibling - and when the sibling is 8 they will still be having allowances made and the now 11 year old sibling will be told that the younger one is too young to be expected to return the favour...

Braking out of the pattern of treating an oldest as older than they are and expecting them to be emotionally more mature than younger siblings will be expected to be by the same she's had to be done consciously - most parents treat children unequally emotionally without ever noticing or acknowledging it.

My lil sis always asks my mum who’s her faves and she always says the dogs 😊 I think it’s funny but my sis don’t lol 😂

In my mother’s words ‘I don’t have a favourite, you all equally annoy me’ 😁 I love both my kids the same. I pysically couldn’t pick one over the other but they’re different and have different needs.

At the moment, the youngest is my favourite as the oldest is being a right madam. But tonight, when she’s sound asleep and he’s screaming the house down- she’ll go back to being my favourite.