Are first borns the favoured child?

[hellohellohellohellohello]

Just that really. Has anyone found this to be the case? I'm expecting a child with my partner who has a child already. I love them both to bits, but I'm having some anxiety as to whether my partners first born will be the favoured child. I know I'm being stupid, but just looking for some opinions!

[downthestrada]

Opposite in my family. Younger brother is the favourite.

[MrsNjie]

I think eldest is usually grandparents favourite as they tend to be more looked after by them but parents tend to love them all the same in my experience. I've just had a baby with my new-ish husband and was a lone parent for 8 years before that... I'll always have a special bond with my eldest because we did so much together but the new baby is with the man I love. They are both favourites for different reasons

[BakedBeans47]

I love them both the same BUT very often like my eldest more as he is way easier to parent. The youngest has behavioural problems and whilst he’s a lovely boy he’s harder work and a lot more difficult to parent. It’s an individual child thing and not an eldest thing.

[MakeItStopNeville]

Nope! I love my first born with every fibre of my being but he was always the hardest to bring up. I don't know if that was because of nature or nurture.

[Onlynever]

My father was excited by dd1 (as the first child) and spoilt her. By the time dd3 was born he was bored and resentful. This continued lifelong.

[SuperBeagle]

My favourite is whichever one gives me the least grief on the day.

In honesty though, I don't think favouritism is uncommon, though most parents won't admit it. I can see it in most of the families I know.

I am an only child, so am the favourite by default. However, among my cousins, I am very clearly my grandmother's favourite. I'm her third and youngest grandchild. I do think there are reasons why I'm favoured over the others, which has nothing to do with me and more to do with my circumstances/the fact that I'm the only child of her deceased son.

I don't think it's intentional, much less malicious, but I think it stems from either birth order, the sex of the child, whether or not you can relate to the child, whether or not they are objectively or subjectively "easy" or "difficult" etc. There are aspects of all of my children which I favour over the others. I will readily admit that.

[holasoydora]

I expect it varies in families with the majority of parents not having a favourite and the majority of kids thinking they do, because it is really hard to treat siblings exactly the same.

[Twocatsonebaby]

I'm currently due number 2 really soon and for the life of me I don't know how my heart can love someone more than my first. My dd. I'm sure when I see him it'll double. But at the moment I'm not as attached this pregnancy due to running after dd. I don't think the first is favorited. I love my ds but I think there's always a special thing with your first.
Your first baby. So the excitement etc it's all so special whereas with number 2 you know what to expect.
I love both my dc and when he's born, I won't love either anymore than eachother. They'll be equal. My babies. Both so wonderful and special but I think it's the sentiment with the first that gives you that special thing.

[Ikanon]

The only son was the favourite in my family. Eldest and me (youngest) vied for most hated

I love my eldest DD to bits but my goodness my youngest is so much easier to cope with!

[MyRelationshipIsWeird]

My DCs say that kids are like pancakes: the first one is a bit rubbish and you should put it in the bin, then the second one is a bit better and the third is perfect. When I say "my DCs say..." I mean DC3 obviously The others have their own take on it, but none of them believe that ds1 is favoured. If anything I am harder on him because he sets the tone for the others. With step sibs it can be harder, as there's often guilt at not being around 24/7 for one of them, and the different parenting expectations at their other home. There may also be differences in how the wider family perceives them which can cause issues. Your H needs to be aware of these things and open to discussing them to prevent problems.

[Tomselleckhaskindeyes]

I have 3 children one extra than planned (twins) I can only cope with 2 at a time so one is neglected per day. I like to keep it fair!

[trac2007]

I’m the eldest of four girls and I am certainly NOT the favoured child! My sisters get spoilt and get away with everything whereas I’m expected to keep my mouth shut and be a “good girl”. There have been more than one occasions recently where my sisters have really upset me, nothing gets said to them, excuses get made for their behaviour, it all gets swept under the rug....😡 as you can see, sore point for me at the mo 🤣

I have one daughter and one on the way. So I can’t say yet about my own preferences. My daughter is through and through a daddy’s girl. I love her so much and she’ll never know how much I’ve needed her over the past year, going through two baby losses. She’s given me strength and light on the darkest of days, so she’ll always be special. But then this baby too is a much much longed for rainbow baby and I’m sure will be very special considering what we have been through to have them. We shall see how the future pans out for my own favourites (or not!)

[PavlovianLunge]

We’ve got a number of friends with two DC, where the parents seem more laid back with the younger one - and in a couple of cases, seem to favour the younger child. I wonder whether some parents are more relaxed with second (and subsequent) children, as they’ve got some parenting experience and confidence by the time they have come along.

That said, DP is the youngest of three, and his DF definitely had a pecking order - the oldest was very much the golden child, not that he wanted to be.

[boomboom1234]

Having a second child doesn't take away love from your first. You love each child for who they are and in their own right. There is not a limit on the love that then gets distributed between your kids. Don't even worry about it. He will love his second child from the bottom of his heart.

[Eltonjohnssyrup]

I read there was some research that elders tend to be favoured...but only by the mothers.

[LML83]

At this point my happy toddler is better company than my stroppy 8 year old. But i know at various stages one will be easier than the other but I love them both equally and don't know how anyone couldn't.

[Momoftwoscallywags]

My parents both suffered from favouritism all their lives, my DF found it suffocating and moved away from his hometown as soon as he could and only dealt with his parents on his own terms thereafter. He was the 2nd of 8 BUT firstborn son.

My DM was pfb as far as my DGM was concerned but my DGM was old school and let my DGF openly favour their son, who was the youngest. This caused no end of problems all my DM's life, as my DGF's favouritism was just so obvious.

My parents were scrupulous about not having favourites, my brother and I were treated completely the same, nearly 90% of the time, the only times we were not was because of gender related issues and it was always fully explained why they couldn't treat us the same.

My DH's family is pretty rife with favouritism, my DMIL favourite is the middle child (2nd of 3) who is the girl. Their relationship as adults is now pretty insidious with my SIL telling everyone that her DM preferred "her boys" over her even though my DMIL has spent practically every penny she has ever had and ALL her time on my SIL. "The boys" just accept this favouritism as fact and stay out the way.

I have noticed that my DH tends to favour our oldest DS so we have had a few discussions regarding DH perceived favouritism towards our oldest DS. DH is getting so much better now at recognising it himself because he really does love them the same, it is just he has never been shown how to NOT favour one child over the other as this was his parents family dynamic whilst growing up.

[TheRagingGirl]

but I definitely prefer the company of my youngest (because she's funny and kind and empathetic)

And by thinking that way you are hardly allowing your other children to develop as “nice.” I feel a bit sorry for your other DC, to be honest. Your post is quite sad.

[Notonthestairs]

My mum preferred my younger brother - to the point that a quite a few of her friends commented on it to her (when she was alive) and, later, to me. But I might not have been the favourite but I knew I was loved and later respected for my independence so it wasnt all bad. It did make my relationship with my brother difficult during our childhood, I was always aware of it - but we are now very close and I'd trust his advice whenever I might need it.

Because I am so aware of it I do try to ensure that I am very fair with my two. But one has special needs so gets more hands on attention, the other one is similar to me and we can rub each up the wrong way - I hope he never feels second best because I love the bones of both of them.

[BakewellTart01]

My DSis is the favoured child by my parents. I have felt that my entire life. As has one of my brothers.
Because of that i was worried i would have a favourite. I dont. My eldest is the most loving DC. Sensitive, caring and such an amazing dry humour. My youngest is a total whirlwind. Funny, head strong and provides the best hugs.
I just hope i do them both justice.

[chocolateiamydrug]

I love my DC equally (they wind me up in different ways though).

From the examples of family and friends where I have clearly observe favorism (not many though were it is obvious), I find the favorite child is either the oldest or the youngest who. Never the/one of the middle children. They seem to be picking the short straw when it comes to favorism.

[lookingforaline18]

Most common one is the dad favouring a boy

That's rubbish imo. I normally hear it being the other way around- Dads favouring their princesses and being harsh on their sons.

[arethereanyleftatall]

Surely it's just whom ever the nicest child is?
Of course, we love them all the same, and would step in front of a bullet for any of them, but I definitely prefer the company of my youngest (because she's funny and kind and empathetic)

[Iminthetiredmumsclub]

I really like the middle one. However My husband is stepdad to the eldest two and the baby is his bio, and if he EVER and I honestly mean ever favoured her over the other two he's a dead man walking #doublestandards

[arethereanyleftatall]

Not at all. My dd2 is the best person I have ever met. I have to try very very hard to make sure I treat pfb equally.