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AIBU?

Are first borns the favoured child?

123 replies

hellohellohellohellohello · 22/02/2018 13:25

Just that really. Has anyone found this to be the case? I'm expecting a child with my partner who has a child already. I love them both to bits, but I'm having some anxiety as to whether my partners first born will be the favoured child. I know I'm being stupid, but just looking for some opinions!

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Onlyoldontheoutside · 22/02/2018 13:53

My younger sister is my the one my mum's closest to but that doesn't mean she doesn't love us all.
I was closer to my dad than my younger sibllngs .

Trinity66 · 22/02/2018 13:53

I think a male first born is usually the favoured child

Do you think that's just with the father or with both parents?

Katedotness1963 · 22/02/2018 13:54

From what I've seen I'd say the youngest is the favoured one, if there's going to be a favoured child.

PassTheAfterEights · 22/02/2018 13:55

Came across this just this week in discussion with DH (viz our own experiences rather than DC, who are still a work in progress) - all points resonated with us!

www.telegraph.co.uk/women/mother-tongue/8889472/Parents-favour-their-youngest-child.html

UpSideDownBrain · 22/02/2018 13:55

Growing up, it was the youngest of us 3 DC that was the favoured child.

GetsPostByOwl · 22/02/2018 13:56

Not in our home. I get on with my firstborn graft less than the other two. They're all treated and loved the same of course but DC1 and I clash more. Always have done.

Strokethefurrywall · 22/02/2018 13:56

I adore mine both equally, there is no favorite.

At the moment though, I find myself trying to spend more time with DS2 (nearly 4) precisely because DS1 (6 1/2) naturally monopolises a lot more of our time in relation to school work, we practise reading together, his toys dominate (he and DH play with drones), he chooses the TV shows after school etc.

It's not in an awful way and DS2 absolutely adores his brother - however I find myself wanting to spend time alone with DS2 so I can just focus on his wants and random conversations.

I also find that I recall far more of DS1's infancy because I only had him to focus on. I can barely recall DS2's infancy because I was still concentrating on DS1! So I'm potentially overcompensating and I find I treat my nearly 4 year old far younger than he is because I feel like I've blinked and he's turned from a 2 year old into a 4 year old, and I mentally haven't had time to catch up. In the same breath, I expect DS1 to behave far older than he is.

So from my point of view, I have unrealistic expectations of each of them. But I can see that (and I'm working on it!)

But definitely no favorites.

BlooBagoo · 22/02/2018 13:56

In the case of my parents and grandparents it definitely seems to be the youngest favoured more. And I'm unfortunately not the youngest.

whinetime89 · 22/02/2018 13:57

only when she is sleeping 😂😂

whoputthecatout · 22/02/2018 13:57

Economical with the truth? Really? Please don't project your feelings onto others.

My children are equally beloved. I couldn't choose.

Ask yourself: if there was a fire and you could save only one, which would you save? If you can't answer that then it is unlikely that you favour one over another.

Strokethefurrywall · 22/02/2018 13:59

whoputthecatout - yep, I absolutely hand on my heart couldn't choose and the thought is too horrific to think about.

I would give my life to save both of theirs.

HotCrossBunFight · 22/02/2018 13:59

Good parents dont have favourites. DH comes from a culture where first born sons are everything, unfortunately he's the second born and the favouritism is clear.
We love all of our children equally.

Jojoanna · 22/02/2018 14:03

My second is and always has been easier. My first has caused me no end of terrible problems . So although i love them both equally I prefer the company of my second

Ivymaud · 22/02/2018 14:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sophisticatedsarcasm · 22/02/2018 14:05

Love both mine equally. My DS is more laid back and my DD is a bit crazy. They both drive me up the wall at different times. But wouldn’t change them. They both have very different personalities and have a great sense of humour.
I’m the first born and I am super close with my mum, we are like best friends, but I know she loves us all equally. My brother and lil sister will tell you I’m the favourite but it’s not true it’s just now I’m a mum I understand a lot more things where as they just take advantage and she lets them.

amusedbush · 22/02/2018 14:05

No, I'm the eldest and I was always made an example of while DB got away with murder.

RoseWhiteTips · 22/02/2018 14:05

First born children are apparently the brightest and the most successful.

DextroDependant · 22/02/2018 14:05

When I was pregnant with DC2 I genuinely worried I wouldn't love it as much as DC1 but it was never an issue.

My ex had a child already and I always felt that his older child was prioritised owe our child because when she was around our child got ignored but it wasn't a case of him loving her more, just that he didn't have such time with her so when she was around she was his priority.

If you ask my three they would probably say the youngest as he is still very cuddly and clingy. He gets away with more than the older two as he is my last baby.

I personally feel like I have a lot in soon with my eldest and we are quite close but as my middle one gets older we are growing closer too.

HairyToity · 22/02/2018 14:06

No

CocoLoco87 · 22/02/2018 14:07

I definitely don't have a favourite with mine. But I'm 2/4 in my family and I'm pretty certain I'm the fave

Thistlebelle · 22/02/2018 14:07

I think some parents definitely do have favourites but from what I’ve seen most people love their D.C. equally. We certainly do.

I think that what Since was talking about is actually quite common, parents develop narratives about their children and use those narratives to judge any situation.

It’s quite insidious and can lead to huge resentments.

In our family the narrative was that my sister was always right. If she argued strongly for something the assumption was that she was right.

But she wasn’t always of course but this narrative continues to this day.

I have worked very, very hard not to put my own children in these kind of boxes.

RoyalBelum · 22/02/2018 14:08

Whichever is currently behaving the best is the favoured child
exactly.

Seriously, one is more cuddly, one is funnier, one is more boisterous, one more imaginative. No favourite, different personalities, different relationship, they are all as important as each other, all loved equally. they can all equally be a massive pain in the ass too Any of them missing would make the same big hole.

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Fliptopdustbinlid · 22/02/2018 14:08

I am the first born and again am defiantly not the favorite

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/02/2018 14:08

Normal and loving parents love their children all the same but differently. My cousin was the first born grand child and definitely the favourite of my maternal grandmother, who never really took any notice of me. By the time my brother and I came along, we weren’t really required I suppose. My brother is the first born and as a boy, he’s the golden child. I’m the scapegoat.

bizmum1 · 22/02/2018 14:09

No way - I love love love both my children exactly the same. I adore them equally.

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