To ask if only my DC does this and what to do

[ginplease8383]

DD is 3yo and ‘strong willed’ (I know what this really means). Today I took her to Tesco’s to buy a cupcake to attempt to bribe her with throughout the rest of the day and she picked up various items as we walked around and I asked her to put them back and she did. Cue the kinder egg stand and because I wouldn’t let her have one (a cupcake was enough) she lay down in the aisle to the aisle and body popped around in protest and then lay there rigid shouting ‘you’re not my best friend’ and kicking me as I tried to get her to stand up. This was hard as I had 18 mo in a buggy starting to stress out. I can’t carry DD as she’s massive and when I put her down she just bolts back.

AIbU to say it’s only my kid that does this? I genuinely never see other children do this

At home I dealt with it by distracting her or sometimes just leaving her to work through it whilst I get something else done or sort out her sister. But if I do this is public it’s not practical aibu to ask how I deal with this???

Hi op, I know it's hard. I started a thread on here because my 3 yo was being really naughty, hitting, kicking, screaming, she tried to push me down some steps. She was awful when out and I just refused to take her out anywhere. It has gotten better, she has stopped being violent but still has tantrums. It feels like everyone is judging you and you feel like a failure. However, you're not alone, it will pass just like every other phase and you will look back and laugh one day.

My dd is getting better and yours will too. Walking away and ignoring is usually the best way for me but every day is different and sometimes that won't work but just try different things. And always remember, you are not alone and this too shall pass. It's only a phase, it won't be forever. 💐

Often when let loose in public she would start stripping naked when I ignored tantrums as she realised this WOULD get attention in a public place - she was fond of pulling down her pants and sticking her bum in the air or lying legs akimbo kicking and screaming while I desperately wrestled to get the pants back on. Fun times

Well there's a fun story for the 18th birthday party :)

OP - you have my total sympathy. I have a ‘strong-willed’ DD, too (although mine is now 6-going-on-14) and for several years we entertained and enraged shoppers throughout the county with our shopping antics. I was regularly to be seen exiting supermarkets, stony-faced and empty-handed, except for a rigid, howling three year old tucked under one arm.

We nearly got locked in the grounds of a National Trust place once because she ‘planked’ in the buggy and wouldn’t let me strap her in. Every time I pushed the buggy she would deliberately slide down the seat and fall out. It was nearly dark, there were deer and sheep nearby so I couldn’t let go of my dog’s lead (she was also behaving badly, spinning and barking hysterically at the deer). The gate locks electronically at a certain time and we were minutes away from it locking and a good distance from the gate.

My palms are sweating now, just thinking about it.

I really don't understand people who judge the parents of tantruming children. Children who are actually abused don't throw tantrums. They daren't.

DC1 took the cake (no pun intended) when it came to three year old tantrums. My nerves were fried by the time he was 5. He's 16 years old this weekend and you would never, ever guess that he nearly buried me alive between the ages of 0-5. He is THE loveliest person in the world, sooo calm and mellow, hilarious, easy-going. I couldn't have predicted this! He also does the best Alfie Solomons impersonation. What's not to love, eh?

You have every ounce of my sympathy. I remember DC1 having a Biblical meltdown (one of too many) in a sandpit (a dreadful place to have a meltdown because EVERY kid in that sandpit is a moving target and WILL end up with sand in their eyes and mouths courtesy of my out-of-his-mind brat) and the parents gathered around me applauding my patience... no, seriously, they stood there clapping, saying, "Well done, mum. Well done! You handled that brilliantly." I wanted to brain every one of them. I didn't know where my humiliation started and finished. It all sounds so naaaice, parents applauding while your rabid child gnaws away at the slide like a coyote tearing off a human limb. But it was soul destroying.

It passes... unbelievably it all passes AND the shocking part is when you realise your kid is actually normal and lovely! It's amazing what a toy or cake aisle in the supermarket does to a kid. DC3 has never seen a shopping trolley. Because he is a carbon copy of DC1 and he's just knocking on 4, I haven't found the strength in me to take him to a supermarket. It's ALL Tesco deliveries for us! You live it, you learn it!

DS (3) tantrum last night because DH would not let him stay up and eat another piece of cake. Wailed, shouted,stomped around, stamped feet, sobbed, lay on sofa face down sobbing, threw himself on floor face down and writhed around shouting about how awful it all was etc. Total drama llama.

We ignored him and went into the dining room and sat down. He stopped making any noise once he noticed and went into the kitchen, then into the dining room - looking very calm- and found us and said 'Please Daddy'. DH said no and he immediately started crying again because saying please means you should get what you want

He stood infront of us wailing and sniffing and said 'I don't love you anymore Daddy'.
DH said 'Don't you? Well that's a pity because I still love you and Mummy and DD lots.'
Long pause while DS sniffled and gulped and considered his tactics and we waited for the next over the top display.
DS 'I want to go to bed'
DH 'Ok. You go up and I won't be a minute. Would you like to choose a story?'
DS 'Yes' and off he went.

I used to leave mine in the toy aisle, looping back and forth. They got a go on the see saw thingy at the end if they'd been good.

I could find a corner to stick them in, if necessary, anywhere even toy shops. I think this is one of those issues where you need to come down hard at the first sign.

Had v few tantrums but lots of bolting at the tills. Bloody terrifying watching my eldest scarper through the double glass doors, across the car to the main road. Meanwhile I'm stuck in the till line 9 months pregnant.

No way are you the only one. It just definitely feels like it at the time! My son does that and the back bend banana when he won't let me pick him
Up.

Make it really clear what she is allowed before going into the shop e.g. when we have done the shopping you can have a cupcake. You are not getting anything else. If you tantrum, we will leave the shop and you get nothing/no cupcake (or something along these lines). I have only ever abandoned a shop once. Make sure you follow through with your threat the first time and repeat the expectations every time. Shopping with kids is awful!

DD (4 at the time) did this to me a couple of times last summer when we were on holiday in a family hotel. She'd been behaving badly in the dining room (poking me with the cutlery was the part where I finally lost patience) and even though I have pathetic upper body strength I was possessed by rage, picked her up in a fireman's lift and carried her out for a quiet sit on a bench outside, to talk to her about not making a commotion when everyone was trying to eat.

She shouted 'I hate you Mummy you're not my Mummy' all the way. Fortunately as it was all other families I got a lot of sympathetic eye rolls.

And she did behave acceptably in the dining room for the rest of the week.

Believe me, I have seen children older than yours have a tantrum like this. You are not alone. Children have tantrums all the time over the most ridiculous things: ice cream being cold for example (because obviously that's something I can change!)
Yeah, I wouldn't threaten things that you won't do -children are far too clever and totally call your bluff!

Mine does this, though not terribly often, as I can usually sense them brewing and head them off. But when he does get one going it is EPIC. And then when he’s had enough he stands up, dusts himself off, and tries to make me say sorry for making him sad .

My eldest daughter still has tantrums and she’s nearly 10!

She’s been a nightmare since the day she was born. Next daughter is the most laid back, quiet, well-behaved child imaginable (though she has other traits which drive me round the bend).

Every kid is different. Supernanny has helped get me through the worst.

I remember when she was 4, speech impediment and all... ‘I neva want you to pick me up flom nusuly eva AGAIN!’ with a footstamp for every syllable.

It’s not you, it’s just her nature. She might get better, she might not, but hopefully she will have enough endearing qualities which outweigh the tantrums.

You are not alone!

Maz, don’t say thaaaat! 😭 DS has stopped proper tantrums (I hope) from about 4.5. DT2 is an intense trouble maker who throws the biggest tantrums over almost nothing (DT1 is a dream). She’s only 18 months so I’m not giving up yet, but I had hoped/imagined it would all be over in a few years.

I remember those days!My DD was fine in the shops,she saved her displays for the carpark.I remember leaving bags full of shopping whilst carrying dreaming struggling toddler to the car then the wrestling them ridged and star shaped into the car seat all the while hoping your shopping hasn't been stolen.
I use the sympathetic,rueful smile to other mums now

My 3 year old didn't ever do this in the supermarket (thank goodness) but she did it at the park and at the kid's gym quite often. There was no reasoning with her or distracting her until she'd worn herself out. She didn't do it that often at home except for sometimes in the middle of the night she would cry out for one of us and when we got to her room she would tantrum.

I still don't really know what the trigger was for tantrumming, but thankfully she grew out of it relatively quickly (felt like forever at the time though).

I have another who is now 9 who didn't use to tantrum but sulks instead, unfortunately, he hasn't grown out of it yet. Tantrumming is more awkward and embarrassing, but the sulking is misery.

Mine, as well as the "you're not my friend anymore" line likes to say "and you're NOT allowed to look after me anymore. You'll have to look after somebody ELSE" and even, once "you're not allowed to cook dinner for me anymore" gutted. he also, when I was trying to remove him from a cafe due to misbehavior was having a massive tantrum and wouldn't go into his pushchair (which I only really still used for situations like this). An older lady very kindly came to help and he kicked her in the face :(

Oh, and the classc, after an hour of tantrumnng "why am I cross mummy? "

Although for shopping and kinder egg issues I do find telling them that "those sweets are only for display/looking at. They're not for buying" surprisingly effective (unless he's determined to tantrum no matter what but then nothing helps then)

Iwasjustabouttosaythat I’ve resigned myself to the fact that she’ll be forever difficult.

Maybe you’ll be one of the lucky ones and yours grows out of it.

I never had this until my 5th child and I feel your pain.

He wouldn’t tantrum as such but would sit down and refuse to move if we didn’t carry him everywhere.

When I was attempting to encourage him to walk he refused and laid down in the supermarket one day. I pretended to walk away from him saying “oh well I will have to leave you here then” I expected to hear him running behind to catch up but when I didn’t, I turned round to see him Licking the floor and looking up at me. He knew full well that I would immediately pick him up.

He challenges me like this everyday and always seems one step ahead. I have actually tried sitting on the floor with him and saying let’s stay here then. It would have mortified my other four but he just laughs.

I think most of us have been there and you would've had nothing but sympathy from me!

I used to speed food shop and supply various good bribery all the way round strapped in the trolley.

They do grow out of that phase, and then it'll be onto the next one ha ha

All 3yr olds are strong willed, my DC did this.

I found it much easier to have a blanket no-treats in the supermarket rule.

Kids get simple rules, and negotiating with a 3yr old about what treat and when.is hard, they want everything.

Seriously, they got used to me never buying kinder eggs or cupcakes.

I found the more you give kids, the more they want (with sugary stuff)

When/if they had tantrums I just waited it out, maybe asking "have you finished"? Or "come on now, let's go"

They soon stopped when it did not lead to results

Not just you..wait till you get to the”you’re not invited to my party!” phase!!

Mine tried this a few times and I just walked away (ata aafedodtance of course). He doesn't do it any more.