To ask if only my DC does this and what to do

[ginplease8383]

DD is 3yo and ‘strong willed’ (I know what this really means). Today I took her to Tesco’s to buy a cupcake to attempt to bribe her with throughout the rest of the day and she picked up various items as we walked around and I asked her to put them back and she did. Cue the kinder egg stand and because I wouldn’t let her have one (a cupcake was enough) she lay down in the aisle to the aisle and body popped around in protest and then lay there rigid shouting ‘you’re not my best friend’ and kicking me as I tried to get her to stand up. This was hard as I had 18 mo in a buggy starting to stress out. I can’t carry DD as she’s massive and when I put her down she just bolts back.

AIbU to say it’s only my kid that does this? I genuinely never see other children do this

At home I dealt with it by distracting her or sometimes just leaving her to work through it whilst I get something else done or sort out her sister. But if I do this is public it’s not practical aibu to ask how I deal with this???

My mum (now 94) tells the story of my eldest brother (now 64) lying on the floor in the centre of town, having a massive tantrum because he had to go home earlier than the cousins they had met up with that day. Whilst my mum was frantically trying to calm & control him, a very smart businessman, complete with bowler hat (well, it was the 1950s!), walked up to my mum & said "Don't worry; I used to do that too." At that moment, it was just what she needed. He had clearly grown out of it, & so has my brother, thankfully. 😁

You’re not alone and I dealt with it by avoiding any triggering situations.
So I would never have taken dc to a shop to get a treat for example as it was clear they would have kicked of wanting something else.

Also feeling very strong in yourself that you are doing the right thing made a big difference. If you are worried/afraid she is going to say some swear words in the middle of the tantrum, she will feel it and is more likely to really kick off. If she can see it’s not phasing you out at all and you actually dont care about her screams, she will soon getbthe message it’s the best way to get what she wants.

They all grew out of it.

I like the story of the man with the bowler hat :)

I agree that my kids needed programming before we went somewhere - if I forgot to do the programming I knew it was too late.

As for smiling at the mum/dad - usually the parent's eyes are diverted, looking into the middle distance/at the floor.

At the weekend I met a mum whose toddler was stood on a picnic table seat stock still with his hand clenched to the side of his face. Apparently he'd been told off in the restaurant and this was his response - she knew to wait it out. He was in a kind of trance, a rage funk. By the very bored look on her face she'd been waiting quite a long time. It made me laugh and I said something along the lines of 'well done mum'.

Because I really do think these years are hard. It gets easier as they get older ime just wait for their 20s if you want horror

Yes, going stiff during a temper tantrum is quite normal I think. My daughter did it once, she's strong willed (well I'd describe her more as a pain in the ass, she's 12 now). She did that on the floor whilst we were shopping once, I totally ignored her and walked off (well not walked off but walked out of her line of sight but I was very near and as soon as she shouted mum!!! which was within seconds, I was back with her). It was a quiet supermarket though and no one was in the ailse, I wouldn't of considered it if it had been different.

She'll grow out of it :)

I used to shop in Tesco every day after work and became quite used to seeing small children completely on their own on the floor having tantrums.

Not alone. My DD does this. If I keep her in the buggy she screams blue murder and will happily go on for 45mins. I avoid shopping with kids if possible because I can't deal with the stress!
If I absolutely have to, I give her a packet of Organix mini gingerbread men, strategically broken into smaller pieces so they take longer to eat, and know that I need to be at the till by the time she finishes.

I've tried the whole "help mummy" thing but she wants to help with everything including eggs and things that are too heavy, and throws a tantrum if she can't. She also throws a tantrum at the till because she has to give her item to the cashier to scan.

I have been there OP (minus the cupcake) last year around the same time when all of the easter chocolate was displayed near the entrance/exit and completely unavoidable! She was a a bit younger though. Wouldn't surprise me if she did it again now though. We've hit "threenager" I think.

All of my children went through the tantrum toddler stage. It's totally normal. I used to give them their own shopping list. Keep them busy! Keep things chirpy "Jolly them along" my Grandmother used to say! One of mine always had a tantrum walking his brother back from the school run I used to have him counting/spotting the drains!

It's not just yours. Both mine are older now but the memories of supermarket tantrums still burn. Although the worst was probably the time dd had her tantrum in the car in the car park at the supermarket and in the struggle to get her our I banged my head and said 'shit'. She then happily sang in her loudest voice 'my mummy says shit' all the way around the supermarket I have never done the shopping so fast it was like an episode of supermarket sweep!

I found that giving them their own shopping list helped. Before we left I would get them to draw a picture of 5 or 6 items and then they would be responsible for finding and putting the items in the basket. It didn't work every time but mostly they enjoyed it.

I used to get so fed up we resorted to online shopping.

In the days before broadband... it... was... that... bad...

Dd was a champion tantrum thrower, especially in supermarkets. I once had to slide her round one by her b reins, cos she refused to walk. I also used to walk about and feign indifference (even though I wanted to slap her silly at that point), until she hobbled hysterically after me. It was exhausting. She still has her moments (6) and will always be my highly strung one, but is generally lovely. And loves me with a frightening intensity.

It's embarrassing for you when a child has a tantrum in public and you're certainlly not the only parent to go through this.

When we were children and any of us played up badly Mum would walk away saying, 'All right, I'll leave you here if you can't behave nicely' in a very firm tone of voice. Said child usually stood up and followed meekly, knowing that she wouldn't stand any more nonsense.

Oh dear this takes me back. DD used to run off, I have no idea where she thought she was running to. And dreadful tantrums, from the age of one. I resorted to online shopping, you can do click and collect for as little as 50p.

Parenting tips - never ever ever give in to a tantrum, and try not to shout back. Both of these are not easy! I also used to use the 3 B’s - bribery, bargaining and blackmail! Don’t worry OP, this phase will pass. Before you know it she’ll be a stroppy teenager!

Oh and never make threats that you won’t carry out. They’ll suss you on that one.

I agree with don't make empty threats. If you won't follow through, don't say it!

When my DC did this (not often thank god) I would stand next to them with an impassive expression and wait for them to scream themselves out. Luckily supermarkets are big so people could avoid us. If they had ever started up in a smaller space I would have carried them outside and let them scream it out there. I have also walked out of a restaurant with a screamer and taken them home for a boring tea instead of our nice meal out.

They are all grown up now and very rarely tantrum nowadays.

It's a phase most go through at this age. Mine are teens now but I vividly remember them at 3, at the check out in Tesco both standing on the seats of the trolley, refusing to sit down and doing that stiff legged thing so you couldn't make them sit.

The check out lady continued to scan everything and it was all piling up at the end whilst I struggled with my DDs and tried to stop them from throwing themselves out the trolley. An elderly man appeared and bagged up all my shopping for me 'don't worry love, I've got 5 kids and I remember this stage'. I could have kissed him

You need to see this guy's sterling work -
www.buzzfeed.com/amphtml/mikespohr/the-reasons-my-kid-is-crying-book-is-freaking-hilarious

They all do it. Even if it's only once or twice. With my older 3 i remember each one did a 'thrash about on the floor in the shop' type tantrum once. Here's how it went down:

DC: THRASH THRASH THRASH - I WANT THIS I WANT THAT.
Me: I'd tut and shake my head and just walk away. (Then hide behind the nearest shelf and watch).
DC : Notice i'd gone, stop abruptly, look around, get up.
Me: Wander calmly back and ask if they'd stopped. Breezily say Good! That was very silly. Lets get on the shopping and do x, y, z ....

Luckily it's meant they only tried it once.

With DD4 (just4) (a bit more feisty) i've had to do that twice. She's realising it doesn't get her far anyway.

Mine didn’t tend to have screaming, roll on the floor tantrums aged 2/3 when we were out. They reserved them for home. Consequently most of my family couldn’t understand what I was talking about when I said they’d been difficult some days.

However, I would totally agree with PPs advice that you must always follow through on any promised sanctions and also being inventive re the way you respond.

One time my 2DDs (aged 1.5 and 3.5) were constantly fighting and I just knelt on the floor in the middle of the kitchen and just sobbed. They were both surprised to see they had upset me they came over and gave me a big cuddle and were good as good for the rest of the day. They even admitted they’d upset me when their DF came home later and said they were v sorry. Obvs you can’t use that tactic very often 😂

Tantrums are a normal thing in pre-schoolers. They usually grow out of them as long as you don’t give into them when they’re young or they’ll still be using that tactic to get what they want when they’re adults.

There was one time a few months ago in Sains when DD4 was playing up so i said right, back in the trolly (she'd rather walk).

She went rigid to stop us and me and DD1 (25) were both trying to prise her into the trolly seat and it was such a struggle and there was so much commotion we both actually started to laugh. It was just suddenly bloody hilarious. People were looking. Must have thought we were mad!

Welcome to the world of a three year old! Mine is just like this!! I just stood there whilst she did it then she came around. My friend however when her son did this around 20 years ago (yes it happened then too) got on the floor and body popped with him. He got up and walked off. Hence to say he never did it again!

Cinderella love your friend bodypopping

Sorry to say I snorted coffee out of my nose through laughing at the "you're not my friend" line. I thought my 3 year old DD was the only one who did this. Clearly not.

She's nearly four and getting much better thankfully.

You are most certainly not alone OP.