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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if only my DC does this and what to do

113 replies

ginplease8383 · 22/02/2018 00:42

DD is 3yo and ‘strong willed’ (I know what this really means). Today I took her to Tesco’s to buy a cupcake to attempt to bribe her with throughout the rest of the day and she picked up various items as we walked around and I asked her to put them back and she did. Cue the kinder egg stand and because I wouldn’t let her have one (a cupcake was enough) she lay down in the aisle to the aisle and body popped around in protest and then lay there rigid shouting ‘you’re not my best friend’ and kicking me as I tried to get her to stand up. This was hard as I had 18 mo in a buggy starting to stress out. I can’t carry DD as she’s massive and when I put her down she just bolts back.

AIbU to say it’s only my kid that does this? I genuinely never see other children do this

At home I dealt with it by distracting her or sometimes just leaving her to work through it whilst I get something else done or sort out her sister. But if I do this is public it’s not practical aibu to ask how I deal with this???

OP posts:

sallyandherarmy · 22/02/2018 06:57

Absolutely 100% normal behaviour. Jeeezz.

By 'strong willed' I assume you just mean naughty.

Most 3 year olds are, by the way.

GoatMilker · 22/02/2018 07:02

I was in a supermarket and walked past a Mum with a baby in a pram and her toddler lay flat out on the floor wailing. I was with my two sons who are 15 and 12. The Mum looked totally mortified and I accidentally caught her eye.

I said, don't worry we have all been there and they do grow out of it pointing to my two sons. She managed to smile.

I have helped a Mum with a kicking toddler feed her child's legs into the trolley seat so she didn't get kicked in the face.

I never judge. I wouldn't have wanted to be judged so I don't judge any parent. You never know their circumstances.

And no OP your child is not alone. I used to do a oh dear (name of 2nd child) and totally focus my attention on them, chatting away about all sorts and ignore my eldest having melt down on floor next to me. Turning my back helped. I knew my child was still there because I could hear him

springydaff · 22/02/2018 07:09

The looks, from me anyway, are sympathy. I'd love to say something encouraging but I'm worried about interfering. I sometimes say 'well done mum' but even that sounds a bit patronising. I've sometimes thought about distracting the child but that seems way over boundaries somehow. Maybe I'll have to wait until I'm 70 before I have the courage to do that.

mummyretired · 22/02/2018 07:10

My younger dc used to do this when small. If in a shop with a shiny floor, I have dragged him along by his reins on occasion. If he was just overwrought though, I used to crouch down and say "you're tired and fed up aren't you?" "And you want a cuddle?" "So why are you lying on the floor?" It usually worked. They both knew I had no option but to take them shopping with me, and no car so they were going to have to snap out of it at some point.

Qvar · 22/02/2018 07:16

Ds2 used to scream that he was "So hungry" until he vomited and I was sure people around me thought I was a child abuser... especially as I used to tell him oer his wails "IF yoou are sick in here, I will make YOU clean it up with babywipes!"

But actually it's pretty normal, and the sign of an uncrushed will

You can never ever give in to it though. I used to deal with it by turning my back on him and reading ingredients lists while humming as he screamed, writhes and retched on the floor with his fingers down his throat.

Bluedoglead · 22/02/2018 07:22

I remember losing my shit with a tutting lady in a shop as DD threw the most epic tantrum. I told her if she thought she could do it any better than me she was welcome to her for a week and give it a try.

Some kids do it. They grow out of it. I never found what worked to head them off, DD was just an explosive tantrummer.

You’re not the only one I promise.

hidinginthenightgarden · 22/02/2018 07:22

My two yr old does this. I make sure she isn’t in the way and then ignore her and walk off. Often she stays there on the floor for a while so I just stay nearby so I can see her but try to carry on. Often she just lays on the floor for no reason. She isn’t even having a tantrum half the time

Sarahh2014 · 22/02/2018 07:25

I haven't had ds 4 do the laying down tantrum but I've had my fair share of others.He wouldn't have got the cupcake if hed have done that though

hidinginthenightgarden · 22/02/2018 07:25

Springydaff- I usually just smile at Mum or Dad. I don’t think you need to say anything, just show you aren’t judging.

treeofhearts · 22/02/2018 07:27

This is where I thank supermarkets for keeping their floors waxed. I just grab one thrashing limb, arm or leg, doesn't matter which and carry on shopping while sliding her along the floor behind me and completely ignoring the tantrum. If they carry on beyond a minute, I'd be impressed. Just takes the power away from them because you're not standing there waiting on them or trying to negotiate, you're just carrying on.

Bluedoglead · 22/02/2018 07:30

Dd once tantrummed all day til her dad came home (and met him at the front door wailing) because I’d put the wrong sock on first when getting her dressed to take her brother to school.

Tantrums of hours and hours were common.

A minute would have bliss. I’d hardly have taken it under my notice.

Wilhamenawonka · 22/02/2018 07:32

So totally normal. Teenagers are the worst (apart from fournados) but they do grow out of it.
It will be someone else's turn next time you're in the shop.

Abetes · 22/02/2018 07:34

My DM still tells the tale of me attaching myself to a tricycle in Debenhams, screaming at full pelt and refusing to let go. Apparently it took her and two members of staff to detach me and get me out of the shop. I have grown up to be a pretty stable person and can even sign passport forms as I fit and proper person! It’s just a normal phase of development. But v tough for the parent.

TenGinBottles · 22/02/2018 07:34

Oh god, mine used to do this! She last did a laying down tantrum in the supermarket when she was 3. I just got out my phone, told her I was going to finish reading my book and to let me know when she was finished. Then stared intently at my phone. Fortunately the shop wasn't busy and the people who were there were killing themselves laughing and just stepped over her.

When eldest tried it out, I just told him to let me know when he was finished and started pointing out stuff to DD who was in the buggy. He really hated that and soon stopped.

zzzzz · 22/02/2018 07:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HereBeFuckery · 22/02/2018 07:40

Mine does tantrums, but she does more whining & running off.
I can ignore/deal with the first two, but the third is a bitch.

When I see a tantrummy kid, I try to smile sympathetically or, if e.g. in a queue, say something to the parent like 'kids, eh, they're a delight' with a huge smile.
If it looks like a good time I might dare to say something to the screamer like 'that's a very funny noise you're making, are you a train whistle?' which sometimes stops them in their tracks.

I only EVER feel sympathy for the parent, never judgement. I hope I've never upset anyone/made it worse!

WorldWideWanderer · 22/02/2018 07:44

It does happen to other people, and I feel for you. I had a daughter like this. She would lie on the floor in public having a tantrum and it escalated into her starting to hold her breath....I was frightened I would have a child who could voluntarily hold her breath and pass out every time she couldn't get her own way.
I dealt with it by ignoring it. I would literally turn my back on her and deal with my other child instead. One day she has a massive fit like this in the middle of a toddler group just as everyone was packing up to leave. I stepped over her and got my son ready in the buggy and eventually started to leave myself (and ignored the looks from all the other parents). Realising she would be left alone, my daughter got up and toddled over to me, quiet as a mouse. And that was the end of the tantrums and breath-holding fits....she never did it again.
I'd say don't give in to these tantrums and hold your nerve.....

Pfftkids · 22/02/2018 07:51

My oldest used to tantrum like that, I would walk away from her and ignore it so she would crawl along behind me and throw herself down again if I stopped. Only once I gave in and pulled her up because she decided to have one as we were crossing a busy road at the green man 😩 the tantrums didn't last long though once she realised they didn't work. I tell her about them and have a laugh with her about it now, she's 15 but at the time it feels like all eyes are on you but you've got to stay strong. And don't reason with crazy 😂

Sophisticatedsarcasm · 22/02/2018 07:54

My DD is 5 and she has more tantrums now than when she was 3. It’s a lot of foot stamping she exhibits. She generally misbehaves more at home but the odd time she does whilst we are out. I simply say fine and proceed to walk away, I maybe take about 5 steps and she starts to run to me. She usually says to me I’m an evil mummy when she can’t have the 50th biscuit she’s requested. I just laugh and she gets the hump.
I used to take my sister on our family trips to butlins as my mum can’t travel but when she couldn’t get what she wanted she used to say I want my mummy. And obviously everyone looks at you. I stopped taking her 2 years ago because she was very hard work and I was not relaxing at all on holiday and dreaded it. My mum said to me it wasn’t fair on me or my kids because she’s acting up all the time. It’s not like she got treated any different, we treat them all the same. She’s 13 but cannot rationalise anything, now I can enjoy holidays with out any unnecessary drama.

TheRebel · 22/02/2018 07:54

My own child isn’t old enough yet but when I’ve been with my friend’s quite ‘excitable’ twins I kneel down to their level and explain what we’re going in the shop to buy and ask them what they think they’re behaviour should be like when we’re in the shop and what could happen if they’re not sensible. (Usually they tell me they could break some glass and accidentally chop their leg off and the blood would be really messy! Haha)

Then I give them jobs to do as we walk around like choose 3 apples or pick up a loaf of bread. I find that the talk makes them feel involved in the trip and choosing items keeps them interested so there’s no time for tantrums.

Elocutioner · 22/02/2018 08:02

Can you take a sling in the buggy basket for the 18 mo and threaten to put your 3 year old in the buggy "like a baby" if she tantrums? Then manhandle her in if needs be.

FWIW threatening to take treats away never worked with mine. She just used to scream even louder and get hysterical at the thought of not having the treat.

Taking toys away once we got home usually worked, leaving immediately with nothing also worked.

It doesn't last forever OP

CigarsofthePharoahs · 22/02/2018 08:05

My then two year old had a massive tantrum in the Lakeland shop. All because I wouldn't let him pull every single item off the shelves. He then tried to run out the door onto a busy road.
He ended up flat on the floor having a screaming fit. I did drag him along by his reins, just far enough so he wasn't in the way of the door.
A ver' ver' middle class lady had a massive go at me. She acted like I'd just dragged him over a bed of nails, not Lakeland's very shiny floor.
He's nearly 4, huge and still tantrums. I have adopted "That's nice dear" as a disinterested thing to say as he howls insults at me.

LittleLionMansMummy · 22/02/2018 08:05

Ds was never a roll-around-on-the-floor tamtrummer but he was certainly a very challenging Threenager. I couldn't get around a shop for all his fiddling unless I strapped him in a buggy or trolley. I also used to give him some kind of fruit to keep him busy on shopping trips. I've withheld treats when he's behaved badly, after giving him a warning.

I've seen plenty of young children tantrum in shops and I can honestly say that the majority of looks from other people are sympathetic ones. You're not alone op.

Elocutioner · 22/02/2018 08:07

I once stepped around a tantrumming toddler in Tescos and said to mum "I've got one of those at home!". She looked about ready to snap, poor woman.

I only EVER think "thank God that's not mine who's lying on the floor right now" and sympathy for the parent. I would never judge. Anyone who does is a twat who doesn't understand basic child behaviour.

TenGinBottles · 22/02/2018 08:07

Can you take a sling in the buggy basket for the 18 mo and threaten to put your 3 year old in the buggy "like a baby" if she tantrums? Then manhandle her in if needs be.

Have you ever tried manhandling a non-compliant 3 year old the size of a 5 year old into a probably too small buggy whilst carrying an 18 month old in a sling?

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