A man just shouted at me in the street

[Dallia]

“Why are you wearing a curtain?”

I kind of smiled awkwardly and carried on crossing the road to him shouting “oi, you, I’m talking to you!”

I was absolutely mortified, lots of people were watching but no one said anything.

Why do people do this? He seemed like a “normal person” and it was really intimidating. He turned back to look and I thought he was going to start following me. Has anyone ever had weird random things shouted at them in the street, or is it just me

For the record I was wearing a stripy maxi dress as I was on my way to get a spray tan. Really wish I’d had a witty comeback.

He also claims that because I might sarcastically say “you’re welcome” to someone who doesn’t say thank you, it’s exactly the same as making a lewd comment to a random woman on the street.

Sometimes I wonder why the fuck I stay with him.

On one memorable occasion I was merely walking along when a "man" (ie: Total Loser Twat!) coming in the opposite direction made a very unwarranted and disgusting suggestion as he passed me.

Well, it was just his luck that he got the wrong woman, on the wrong day and in the wrong mood - I followed him at once and roared "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY? SAY IT AGAIN, MISTER PATHETIC!"

He actually set off running - Gosh, I never knew I could shout that loud.

I.Felt.Great.

Sadie ask your dh if he has to genuinely fear that a woman on the street could assault him/rape him/overpower him..?

ThatsWotSheSaid I read the start of your post and was about to go "uh oh...here we go!" Brilliant.

You only have to spend five minutes reading UK punting to realise that LOTS of these disgusting bastards have convinced themselves that approaching/touching young women is what we want and we're all filthy slags that are up for it.

They egg each other on, it's utterly vile.

I can understand why some men don't want to acknowledge this. It's far easier to be dismissive and disingenuous then actually deal with it. And for them maybe they really think one or two comments by a woman equals the years of abuse and weight of historical oppression that women have experienced.

What a lot of people like to do is see each event taken in isolation. But this doesn't acknowledge the cumulative effect it has on women from a very young age. It's basically the patriarchy clicker training us to never feel quite comfortable, to always be on our guard, to question ourselves and our judgement.

This can also have the pavlovian response to also make us crave positive judgement. Needing the reassurance from the comments. I admit in my youth I used to hold my breath and walk past groups of males and think 'please say something nice, please say something nice'. Because to me the only option was something 'horrible' i.e. dog/slag or something nice like 'morning sexy/beautiful'. The option of them not saying anything didn't even cross my mind, because it virtually never happened. So i wanted the lesser of the evils. Rather than thinking actually i want everyone to mind their damn business about what i look like.

Excellent post MrsKoala

Simply put hand up to ear and say’excuse me I couldn’t hear that for all the crap pouring out of your twisted face’🤣

The perfect reply!

Hear, hear MrsKoala

I also think they fail to understand, as LunchBoxPolice said, the very real threat of physical assault and/or rape. I don't think men take this into account when they try to imagine the effect men callcalling has on women. They just imagine being catcalled by women and think that wouldn't be so bad. Because they know they could take it or leave it. If they imagined being catcalled by a man 6" taller and about 30% stronger than them, obviously attracted to them and possibly surrounded by similarly-sized friends, they'd get a much better idea how threatening this unwanted attention is.

That's so true. That student pursuing me was very tall and intimidating, and he was frequently very pushy. And then aggressive when I said no. It was very unnerving.

Yes i think that's true. When i was about 15 i was walking to a friends house. Some young men who looked about 18-20 were walking behind me and they started shouting at me 'hey what's your name?' "hey come and talk to us?' 'I think i know you' etc and started getting closer. I was speed walking away as quick as i could and my heart was pounding. It was only about 7pm but it was dark and i was on a quiet street with houses on one side and a school ground on the other, so felt really vulnerable. Then they started running to me shouting 'wait'. I didn't. I ran and ran. My heart was pounding, i can still feel the adrenaline. When i got to my friends she let me in and i was out of breath and in tears. I told her these men were chasing me.

Then there was a knock at the door and it was them. They were friends of her older sister and had seen me before at my friends. (i hadn't recognised them) and just wanted to say hello. I felt really foolish, but actually they felt really guilty too and said they hadn't wanted to frighten me and just didn't realise that a group of 4 big men shouting and chasing me would scare the shit out of me.

Bollox they didn't know Mrs. They were just being pricks.
My worst? At 17, friend and I walking home after youth club disco. Panel van started following us, flicking their lights at us. Speeding past, shouting out "we're coming back for you". We knew two of them from school. We were so scared. We banged on doors-no one answered. We hid behind cars, we ran. We got in to my house just as they slowed down and turned off their headlights.
The worst thing? My father (who wanted to go and beat the shit out of them) dragged us to the police the next day, their response-well girls out that time of night are just asking for it. The boys told everyone we got in and let them take turns. Some people believed them.

When I was cabin crew I was in Amman for a couple of days. I went out for coffee with another girl and we found ourselves surrounded by group of men in their late teens / early twenties speaking in Arabic and trying to grope us! We had to push past them and shout to get away. The had some English and said we were sexy ladies and did we want to sleep with them all. It was horrible.

We were wearing long loose trousers and had our shoulders covered in accordance with local custom.

Fab post Mrs K. But nope. He still won’t have it. Re the fearing assault comment, that’s apparently a different matter and the odd woman may get comments but not enough to tar all men with the same brush. Women are just as bad.

I should point out that we have 10 and 6yo daughters, the eldest of whom wants to walk to school on her own next year. I’ve told him I’m not worried about her crossing roads or being kidnapped, but dealing with males who may choose to target a young girl walking alone. He doesn’t get it.

He is the most polite, gentlest man you could ever hope to meet. This is not something he would ever do in a million years and would be horrified by the suggestion that he would. However, he just doesn’t understand that his attitude is just as bad.

The odd woman may get comments? What so we're all lying? For what purpose? I can honestly say, hand on heart, that from the age of 14-30 i got comments virtually every single day of my life. As i said upthread some days over 20 times. Now i'm 41 i get occasional comments, possibly 1-2 a month. Not lewd or as sexual as they used to be, but still they are made.

Word reassuring Sadie that he thiks that - obviously doesn’t know what most men are like. But he should probably stop claiming women are crying wolf in matters of sexual harassment. Kind of boring, men centring themselves as the only voice of truth in issues that don’t affect them.

Excellent posts, MrsKoala. Nail on the head.

kevinkeeganlovesme: Yes I have to say I've never experienced anything even approaching the anger, disgust, ridicule and sexual harassment in the US that I did in the UK

This has been my observation too. I tend to get very enthusiastic comments about my hair in the US.
Even the NYC catcall video that went viral a while back does not have the same level of anger, disgust and ridicule that you find in the UK.

I've never been cat called in the States. Nowhere. Not once.

I've never been groped in a bar.

Whenever I've had anyone try to chat me up it's usually done in a really apologetic way.

Obviously hear things do happen, but hey haven't to me yet where in the UK it would happen a few times a week in one form or another. Since the age of 14 too.

Unfortunately I think that's because of the laddish boozing culture in the UK. It's the reason why British tourists have such a bad reputation abroad.

Sadie - get him to read this thread in its entirety. He needs his eyes opening.