A man just shouted at me in the street

[Dallia]

“Why are you wearing a curtain?”

I kind of smiled awkwardly and carried on crossing the road to him shouting “oi, you, I’m talking to you!”

I was absolutely mortified, lots of people were watching but no one said anything.

Why do people do this? He seemed like a “normal person” and it was really intimidating. He turned back to look and I thought he was going to start following me. Has anyone ever had weird random things shouted at them in the street, or is it just me

For the record I was wearing a stripy maxi dress as I was on my way to get a spray tan. Really wish I’d had a witty comeback.

That's sick Bloop. An 8-year-old is obviously a child. I feel sick. I'm going to let DD 10 walk to school and back next year, that's given me second thoughts.

A man recently told me to ‘smile’. I replied ‘sorry, do I know you?’ To which he took great offence and started screaming at me ‘do I want to fucking know you, you dirty slag...fucking bitch’ etc. Needless to say, I still didn’t smile.

A grown man with his son in the passenger seat (I'd guess around 12?) shouted "you're ugly!" as he passed me and they both roared with laughter.

I'm sorry, I didn't realise a Sunday dog walk was a black tie event. I'll be sure to employ a make up artist next time I want to leave the house.

Best response I've ever seen to that is just to go 'omg what's wrong with your FACE?' with a look of total horror. They'll normally touch their face and wonder if something has happened to them. It doesn't rile them up but once you've gone they realise you insulted them.

I generally ignore though, unless I feel totally safe.

It's a shame that the worse insult we seem to have is cunt. So a slang word for women's sexual parts is thrown back as them as the worse thing you could ever be, a sort of self perpetuating insult. I can see why you would say it - short and to the point, but it does not feel right in these circumstances.

@Timefortea99 I know what you mean. I'd substitute it for 'prick' I think.

The 'smile' and 'cheer up it might never happen' comments are very thoughtless - the person saying it has no idea what might have just happened to the person.

In fairness, I've had 'cheer up' a few times from strangers (in common with most people, my relaxed expression is not a big beaming grin) and I don't feel it came from a place of malice, it's just thoughtless - so irritating rather than humiliating in my personal experience, but I'm measuring it against much worse.

thetemptationofchocolate - brilliant. I think I’ve seen that or something like that before - we all hope our sons wouldn’t do that - my boys would get it big time from me if they did I’d be appalled!
I do worry about my DD. She is only KS1 but soon at age 10 or so she will be walking by herself. I’m definitely going to speak to her about this - no one told me and as a young 12 year old or whatever you have no idea what to say or if you can say anything even. I just thought you had to put up and shut up. I also had no confidence anyway . Some comments really affected me long term.

My DD will be starting a self defence type class soon, as soon as I sort logistics etc but definitely before she starts walking to school herself.

A man road his bicycle into me whilst I was walking along the pavement the other day.

It hurt. He came up behind me so I didn't see him coming just felt the collision and turned round. He just stated st me.

(Posted too soon sorry)

He just stared at me.
Because I was angry & shocked I shouted at him "what the fuck are you doing? You should be on the road!"

He carried on staring. Then cycled off.

A woman next to me who had seen the whole thing said " I can't believe he didn't say anything to you!"

I walked further down the road where I saw him get his bike into the main road and cycle off in the direction of the oncoming traffic. No helmet.

Prick

Had it loads when I lived in London from men things from 'Smile, might never happen.' And the like the scariest I ever had though was from a woman with a group of men, she was in her mid twenties and there were about 4/5 blokes, I was in my early 20 and she was terrifying!

Too many to remember them all but one sticks in my memory. I was walking along a pretty busy way into a well known city on a lovely sunny afternoon with an ex boyfriend. A van drove past and one of the occupants shouted "show us your girlfriends tits!" My ex spun me and lifted my top to shiw the street. I was mortified. A bloke on the other side of the street shouted that he should have pulled it down so "noone had to see her fat belly".
I went ballistic, his response was
"Its OK i know them. Theyre only having a laugh. Id have punched them if you werent my girlfriend"

So being humiliated in the street was OK because he deemed it so.

That's just horrendous TheFrench. What a shame you had to encounter so many abusive fucking arseholes working together like that. Pieces of shit. Their parents must be so ashamed of them.

Men behave like animals and think they are superior to women??? Do they never look at themselves and see the reality?

And I don't mean to insult animals by comparing them to men!! I much prefer animals.

I realise some men have little impulse control, but they always seem to be able capable of self-preservation. They never pick on someone who might flatten them.
It's sad that so many of us have been affected for so long by these mindless comments, that we modify our behaviour - not going out walking/running, not reacting how we'd like to for fear of reprisals. But it for people asking why they do it - it's exactly this. They destroy our confidence and self-esteem when we're young and unsure and vulnerable, then we're easier to control until we become invisible and worthless in middle age.

We are the victims, why should we change what we do, or what we wear. There will always be something else for them to pick on. Perhaps we should not go out. Perhaps that is what they want.

I think area, period of growing up and social class probably make differences to these experiences. For me, I grew up in London in the 80/90s. My sister was 70s/80s (she's 11 years older than me). We both grew up going to pubs a lot with our dad. There were regularly strippers and drag acts on. The locals tended to be WC white males - it was basically The Sweeney if any of you are old enough to remember that!

The routes you walked also made a difference. I had to walk along the Great West Road to go to school, so a lot of traffic passed me. A lot of trucks and men in vans etc. So i got lots more comments than friends who walked a different way.

The culture was very geared towards this attitude that these males ruled the world and this was just the way it was. My dad would have friends over to watch the football (sometimes 20 of them) and me and my mum would cook/serve them all a curry and beer and then we would go out so they could watch a 'bluey' and then they would all go down the pub and we would return to clear up the mess they'd left.

It was regular to go into a wholesalers or builders merchants, or even pubs and see pictures of women topless.

If you think about culture, even just music, from Led Zeppelin to Blackstreet a lot of the lyrics are by men about what they want to do to women. Page 3 too. Everything says to men that making comments and 'looking' at us is what is expected. Why should they hide it? To them they are doing nothing wrong. Why should the fact they have a mother, wife and daughter make any difference to them. They fully expect them to get it as well. That's fine. Because they are women too.

Groups of men in their 60/70s standing in pubs discussing the fuckability of the 18 year old bar maids. Loudly. Why shouldn't they? They are there purely for them.

ThisLittleKitty I don't necessarily think we should expect any individual to say something but it would be nice if us women start to stand together and tell shitty men like this that "actually, no you don't shout at women in the street. Who told you that's appropriate?"

MrsK, not that different from a posh Presidents Club dinner I suspect....

the biggest issue on the street is it can sometimes be unsafe to say things back to these men. So the old man in the post office queue when I am surrounded by other people I could talk back to. On my own in the dark at night with a man bigger than I or alone on a tube carriage and given how many men out and about have mental health issues the best advice is often to ignore them as it's a lot safer.

Sorry but I don't think its location specific. I grew up in a naice village in Somerset and got loads of abuse.

My 60 something mother was walking to the shop in the village a year or two ago and some men in a van shouted "slag" at her - we all laughed as so ridiculous but its awful really.

I was flashed and wanked at by a man in a van outside my own house as a teen!

The perviest place I have ever been was St Malo. Went there on a French exchange to stay with my exchange's grandparents as a geeky 14 year old. On the first day we were flashed at and followed home by the flasher, on the second a man started wanking while we waited at a bus stop. We were only there 3 days

I think more men are starting to cringe at other men who do this. Not nearly enough, but it's happening. Some are starting to call out the behaviour too.
It seems to happen when groups of men gather and is more about asserting themselves amongst peers, thinking they are hilariously witty. It's pitiful, but still commonplace.
These are the same men who will express utter contempt at the likes of Savile or Harris, and yet cant see their own behaviour as abusive.
I agree with an earlier poster who suggested some of it is just better hidden now... men will make their comments more privately, but they are still making them.
For all the slow progress being made though, there seems to be an avalanche or porn undoing everything.

My Dad grew up in a very macho WC world, similar to the one you describe MrsKoala. He was a quiet thoughtful boy who liked to read and write stories, and had a very difficult relationship with my grandfather as a result. Incidentally, his father was a builder and would have almost certainly seen catcalling as harmless banter.

My Dad left home at 16, met my Mum shortly after and went on to become the most fantastic husband and father. He taught me to repair my own car/do my own DIY etc but, more importantly still, he spoke openly about his emotions, cried unashamedly at sad films and showed DB a man that takes joy and pride in caring for his own children (and grandchildren), and who takes equal responsibility for remembering birthdays/buying gifts/planning meals/sending condolence cards/caring for elderly relatives etc. 'Wifework', basically.

He's a great role model for my own DC and a reminder that there is more than one way to be a man.

Weirdly enough, his father was a great grandfather to all us grandchildren, very hands on, gentle and jovial. Nothing like the man who routinely intimidated his own children (and women, we assume). He had retired from the building trade by then and had a part time job, which he loved, as a sort of janitor in a mostly-female factory environment. It was like he'd finally been allowed to remove the mask he'd been forced to wear for all those years. My Dad said it was weird to think that kind, gentle man had possibly been there all along, buried deep under the nasty, angry bully he had known. He never did manage to fully forgive him though.

Sorry, that was a bit long and totally off topic

I don't mean it doesn't happen. My response was to Treacle upthread who said certain locations seem to have it more. i.e. 20+ times a day if you walk along a main road. London is so much more densely populated so you encounter more bellends.

A man called my mum a 'fat faced slag' at the bus stop and we had to laugh too, in a wtf is wrong with people way, because as you say, it really is ridiculous.

I think being harassed abroad is a combination of misogyny and contempt for British people. The sleaziest place i've ever been in the shortest period of time was a 3 day trip ot Paris. I was flashed at twice, cat called repeatedly, someone climbed onto my balcony to watch me dressing. Rome was most shocking tho as i was spat at in the street, groped, clicked at and followed into the loos by a man who tried to get into my locked cubicle. I was shouting to go away and my friend was telling him to leave. When i came out he called me a slag and spat in my hair. We were then asked to leave the restaurant by the manager for causing a disturbance and we were followed home by another group of men shouting at us.

When i travelled in Turkey i went for a nap the hot afternoon. I laid on top of the bed with the fan on me and woke to find one of the waiters in my room watching me. He claimed to be 'fixing the door'. The manager called me a slag. Numerous incidences of groping. Egypt was similar. In Morocco i was assaulted by a group of boys who couldn't have been older than 10. They grabbed me when i was leaning forward and were all stroking my hair, pulling at my clothes and trying to put their tongues in my mouth.