My Daughter took a bully down with a mumsnet classic today...

[WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup]

My Daughter is at an age where some of the girls at school have started being horrible witches nasty to one another in the playground. My Daughter has always been wonderfully quirky, with a heart for justice and the kindest, most empathetic person I've ever known. Old beyond her years (in a beautifully old lady way-she's recently taken to wearing her reading glasses on a chain round her neck )
The new hormonal nastiness has her outraged (LOVES a rule!) but not upset. Some of the things (particularly comments about her adoption) that she's told me have made me far more upset than they have made her.
I told her what I thought might be a good way to quieten the bullies and today my 9 year old loudly replied to one 'I'm sorry, did you MEAN to be so rude?!' Apparently other children burst out laughing and said bully stropped off. I like to think with a cats bum face.

This has been so timely. DS1 is being bullied on an ongoing basis. It hadn’t occurred to me to suggest some snappy comebacks. I don’t think it will solve much but might help and might also help his self esteem. Thank you.

Not all of these non-sweary put-downs are appropriate for kids to use in school, but some of them have potential
www.buzzfeed.com/christopherpena/33-of-the-most-brutal?

OP, I like the cut of her jib. I predict she'll go far, she seems to have resilience nailed

Thanks everyone for your hilarious and lovely replies! So sorry to hear some of your children are experiencing bullying
It's lucky she is on another planet really-she has honestly never got upset (outraged, yes ) about nastiness directed at her. If she sees it directed at others though it gets her right in the heart.

My DS does a classic headtilt "really" in a deadpan monotone like Jack Dee followed with an equally deadpan "yeah lets go with that" and walks away. He is (now) completely unphased by bullies

Amara he sounds brilliant!

Awesome!
I used to use big words that confused them , knock on effect is I'm an adult with v large vocabulary from mining the dictionary for really arsey words ;)

She's a star! Wish I could think of comebacks like that at the drop of a hat.

Excellent! Best way to shut the bullies up sometimes is to give them their answer and show them up for the ignorant idiots they are! High five to your daughter! What a little ledge! You must be very proud of having such a unique and wonderful young lady.

I remember a lad at school who thought he was the top dog. Would often try and bully people. (I think he was trying to make up for his short man syndrome).
He once decided to start on me because I was one of the kids who got good grades etc. (He picked the wrong girl unfortunately for him ) I always remember him standing there trying to call me names, telling me I was a “f*ckin boffin” and the like. My response was “Yes I know, you’re right I am! In fact, tell me....what’s it like being thick?”. He had absolutely no comeback to that and stomped off like a petulant child

Waitrose Hope you got my second PM.

Loving all the comebacks!

Wow I love your DD too. The glasses on a chain are a brilliant idea

That is absolutely brilliant! I hope I can give my girls bough confidence to answer back bullies in such a mature way❤️

I was in a classroom the other day (I'm a cover supervisor) with a class of Y6's. One of the girls is such a lovely wee lass and unfortunately, one of the more 'confident' (read - precocious loud mouth) girls really seems to have it in for her. School are aware and very much on it. On the way out of the classroom, not very nice child said something particularly horrid to lovely girl. I was just about the jump in when, as clear as day, lovely girl said 'Aw, I'm so sorry. It's such a shame that you have to be so unpleasant to other people to make yourself feel better', complete with head tilt.

The other girl was as no one ever seems to talk back to her. I could have cheered. It has been noticed that she's been giving the other girl a wide berth since.

OP, your DD sounds awesome.

Amara

I wouldn't mess with Jack Dee... or your DS, come to think of it.

Op your daughter is a goddess among women.

Oh op she sounds ace.

My DD is her kindred spirit I suspect. Wonderfully quirky, following her own path and endlessly kind and patient. She's struggling a little with hormonal young ladies mocking her individuality and their barbs sting but more when they're directed at other people and she jumps right in. She has employed an air of bafflement thus far. "It seems you're being rude but I'm surprised as I thought you were better than that" or "KS1 have better manners and more imagination" worked well recently. The teacher says she called a boy "spectacularly crass" last week because he wrote "PENIS" on his whiteboard. He didn't understand so she silently slid over a dictionary. The teacher says she's handling it all just perfectly and making friends through her cheery resilience.

My older son struggled with bullies while my younger son was really good at the comebacks , a favourite one was to listen to whatever the insult was then simply say “and ?” And walk off .

Best image EVER...glasses on a chain.
I am so proud of your DD, and I don’t even know her.

You GO girl!

Here's one at least I was chosen and not made

OP

Love the suggestions - your DD rocks and came up with one of the best.

The other is to say "sorry, I don't think I heard what you said?" and repeat again. Often bullies in every walk of life at any age will think twice about repeating a challenge.

Our family just train our eyebrows. Raising one says more than anything but can be as aggressive as anything, so it needs to be monitored! My DS practices it regularly at uni.

I was very shy and got bullied alot. By about 15 i started sticking up for myself better. This girl just would not leave me alone I used to pull sickies on Thursdays as she was practically in every lesson.

One day she started with some poisonous crap and I said shut up k.

She said and she did the jiggly shoulders thing puffed up in her own importance "Don't you talk to me like that"

So i said "Why not you talk to everyone else like it".

Someone started clapping and then everyone did. The teacher was trying not to laugh. She never bothered me after that.

I have always thought that there is something wrong with people that have to put other people down to make themselves feel good. They must have a rubbish home life or something.

How absolutely brilliant of her ! She sounds fantastic and I love @Hesterton ‘s idea - perfect 👌 ! You must be very proud of her maturity.

And Bravo to @showofhands ‘ daughter, too - very well handled - dignified, intelligent and quick witted !

After her next comeback, she could try the mumsnet classic:

"Now bugger off and good day to you, sir!"

I can just picture her pulling that one off with aplomb.

Your DD sounds fantastic! Really good for her.

Just to be a bit boring, she or you ought to mention to the teachers what is going on as well. Most schools have a zero tolerance policy on bullying now but they can't stop it if they don't know specifics ... and the bullies need to know it's not clever and will not be tolerated.

My DD had a massive problem at one point with being bullied and she was doing her best to fight it, but it only actually stopped when I told the school, who were then marvellous.

Gosh. I am hopelessly naive but kids bullying her for being adopted FFS. I thought there were some things you just didn’t tease about - clearly not. I’d flay my children alive if they even dared to think about being mean to someone for that.