To think I live in a fucking parallel universe?

[hungryhippo90]

I moved to a new build estate. I’ve never seen ANYTHING like it.

There’s a neighbourhood watch who put letters out on people’s cars if they’re parked in the estate. In fact a few cars got covered in tomato ketchup for being left here... not even specifically outside peoples houses. Some of the neighbours go out and moan at people parked anywhere near their house.

You get letters through the door if your bins aren’t in the back garden by 3pm the day they’re emptied (I don’t know what happens when you both work till 5pm!) there are a lot of moaning posts if it’s windy and bin day. One of the residents goes out and picks up litter, which is normal I guess but I’ve never seen it before.

There’s lots of moaning that there will be council accommodation on the estate and shock horror, the house prices!!

They currently have 3 different lawsuits ongoing with the housebuilder, the maintenance company who deals with the estates grass etc and I don’t even know who else.

One of the home owners asked the other day if the estate had security because they saw someone in a security outfit (there’s still buildingwork ongoing- there is security on that site nothing to do with the residents and FWIW it’s clear. This is answered by loads of ....maybe answers, and I start to think I don’t even live in this world. It’s clear we don’t have security! Who on earth would be paying for it? .....and one person pipes up with, ask to see their ID and their credentials (he wasn’t joking!)

Oh and there are pictures on the Facebook group - which you have to send your address to join by the way!) of every person they’ve ever seen walking through the estate.

Today someone posts a picture, someone posts a picture of two people, and one of them is out patrolling the estate for those not belonging here.

Please, please tell me I just live in a weird place and everywhere is not like this.

I find it beyond odc, a few of the other residents think it is beyond hilarious, and I used to laugh but it’s starting to bewilder me how grown ups who own houses, honestly believe our bog standard estate have security provided in the evenings.

Hmm sounds like it is run by an ex friend of mine ... she lived on a new build ( which clearly was NOT good enough for her). She pointed at some houses and said 'I cannot BELIEVE how many (ethnic minority) people live in that block, they are all related' . I mean, HOW did they organise THAT?' Shakes her head knowingly. I suggested they had all saved up together and wanted to keep their families together.
She photographed every little thing that was wrong with her new build flat and tried to get compensation for things like

1. some builders wee left in the toilet and on the seat( she didn't clean it for weeks so management could see)
2. A small crack I couldn't see
3. She claimed the doors were only undercoated when they were clearly matt.
4. Her partner and her had screaming rows and when I said what about the neighbours she said she did not care...

clearly she was mad as are these wanky people. I got so fucked off with her and especially racist remarks I dumped her.

So I suggest ignore the bloody lot of them.

Knock up a spoof planning notice for a new mosque nearby.
Watch them implode.

TheQueef 😂😂😂

Saska- I thought I would too. In truth, it’s not very nice.

They can't ticket you for parking in your own bay????

New estates do tend to be a bit like this but not usually quite so extreme. It should settle, hopefully.

I would be soooo tempted to wind them up into a frenzy.

Go on the estate site and mention: the whistling man late at night .... anyone else hear it? A strange folded note left under a stone ... look?! What can these symbols mean? Anyone seen your garden ornament?

This?

Curious it's not thinking you can't be seen it's the publishing of the photographs and the question of what is the purpose of posting those photos? Surely they are sailing close to the wind if the implication is that the people in the photographs are criminals?

The QUEEF! we have one not v far away..... a homeless shelter or drink/drug rehab seems far more likely and would cause about 15 heads to explode!

I lasted just over a year in a newbuild estate.

It was like the Twilight Zone, but with clipboards and pelmets. What a bunch of dickheads.

I had to leave our areas Facebook page as the person who set it up spelled residents as residence and I couldn't bare to look at it every time someone posted.

Oh the irony of this post!

Wish my estate was like this. It might have deterred the bastard who let their dog shit all over my driveway this morning.

Laiste!!! my GOD. that would be so funny! but honestly the amount of cctv in the estate would catch me out

Rascall- that would legit happen. king of NH watch was patrolling earlier when a "strange man" was seen in the estate.

I'd never buy a new build again as long as I live.

After a depressing local tour of newbuilds recently, we decided they are universally shit, pokey, badly laid out, and garageless. My DB (who lives in the US) came with us once for lolz, and kept on winding up the agents by praising the British for coming up with unheated outdoor storage for furniture.

We occasionally watch an old "QI" and in "House and Home" it was mentioned that the UK has the smallest house size in Europe by quite a margin.

scattycharly- hunt them down and shit on their doorstep. sorry. when it happened to me a few years ago I was wild with rage and wanted to find out who let their dog climb my drive to take a poo and didnt pick it up.

Omg my house would be pictured all the time with the amount of people that come and go! It’s not normal Op!

My kids are probably on some of these lists... last summer they often cycled round the estates near us with their friends and apparently this did not go down well with the residents...

00100001

CuriousaboutSamphire
Surely you can tell them that you did not join the parking scheme and therefore your bay is excluded - or something!

I'm sure you could say you own it and no parking restrictions apply on your land - or counter fine them for trespassing on your land.

How bizarre.

I'm amazed people live and behave like this.

Remove yourself from any of the "groups" WhatsApp, Facebook and what have you. Head down, polite smiles when you see any of them.

Just make sure your front door is double locked and your bins are back in place before they call "security"

Gumby- your ex mate sounds like an arse, but I do agree with the state of newbuilds. I live in one and DH builds them and im always shocked at the state the houses are deemed good.

Sounds like a cult, although I would literally do everything to piss em off, being sarcastic don’t help either. Hope one day I don’t find myself in a life or death situation..sarcasm could be what kills me 😂

Once again I am thrilled I don't live in a new build.

We have a nosy neighbour who watches you park. Sometimes he even opens the window to get a better look.

Honestly - my mother would be up to her neck in this IF we lived on an estate or IF she was on the FB page for our lane.

As it is we live in the oldest bit of a village down a little road where ALL the houses are biggish and owned by long term owners. No bugger comes down here unless they live here. Everybody knows everybody.

My mum seems to think we're living in the bloody Bronx!

• A BOY was looking up the drive yesterday .... he was on a bike. He looked up the drive. I made sure he saw me seeing him!

[paper boy]

• SOMEONE has been prowling round the house. I noticed the recycling bin looked crooked and the gate was open.

[me getting the cat in the night before]

• We MUST LOCK the small shed every night. If anyone gets in there and sees what we've got they'll be BACK!

[we've got gardening gloves and DHs muddy work boots]

It sounds like the "Arcadia" episode of the X Files. GET OUT NOW.