To think I live in a fucking parallel universe?

[hungryhippo90]

I moved to a new build estate. I’ve never seen ANYTHING like it.

There’s a neighbourhood watch who put letters out on people’s cars if they’re parked in the estate. In fact a few cars got covered in tomato ketchup for being left here... not even specifically outside peoples houses. Some of the neighbours go out and moan at people parked anywhere near their house.

You get letters through the door if your bins aren’t in the back garden by 3pm the day they’re emptied (I don’t know what happens when you both work till 5pm!) there are a lot of moaning posts if it’s windy and bin day. One of the residents goes out and picks up litter, which is normal I guess but I’ve never seen it before.

There’s lots of moaning that there will be council accommodation on the estate and shock horror, the house prices!!

They currently have 3 different lawsuits ongoing with the housebuilder, the maintenance company who deals with the estates grass etc and I don’t even know who else.

One of the home owners asked the other day if the estate had security because they saw someone in a security outfit (there’s still buildingwork ongoing- there is security on that site nothing to do with the residents and FWIW it’s clear. This is answered by loads of ....maybe answers, and I start to think I don’t even live in this world. It’s clear we don’t have security! Who on earth would be paying for it? .....and one person pipes up with, ask to see their ID and their credentials (he wasn’t joking!)

Oh and there are pictures on the Facebook group - which you have to send your address to join by the way!) of every person they’ve ever seen walking through the estate.

Today someone posts a picture, someone posts a picture of two people, and one of them is out patrolling the estate for those not belonging here.

Please, please tell me I just live in a weird place and everywhere is not like this.

I find it beyond odc, a few of the other residents think it is beyond hilarious, and I used to laugh but it’s starting to bewilder me how grown ups who own houses, honestly believe our bog standard estate have security provided in the evenings.

Well they do have a facbook group now but apart from that it hasn't really changed.

Perhaps there's an employment opportunity for 'bin minders' that operate a bit like doggy daycare. There's a whole new world of opportunity for someone.

Ketchup on cars could be criminal damage. It can be acidic and cause damage to the paintwork. They want to be careful pulling shit like that.

OP you have my fullest sympathies I live opposite the parking and bin police on our estate. SHES ABSOLUTELY BATSHIT!

We leave the house on bin day at 6AM and get back at 6PM she hates us. Unlike our other neighbours we keep our bins in the garage at all times so she should like us really.

Ah OP I really really want you to mess with them. Please knock up some batshit letters as suggested.

Or get a bunch of people with a boom box to do the ymca outside the ringleaders house.

Something please

I work across a large area and hate going to one estate that sounds just like yours OP.

There are a lot of rentals so I am there quite often. I get about 20 seconds to myself usually. Then I a barrage of: why is your car parked there, why are you taking photographs, who are you, if you're not the agent then who are you, they shouldn't send just anybody; what are you doing; will you be doing it long; can you do it somewhere else...

I had my one and only police call out.. I was halfway through the ground floor when the door was thumped on... I angrily threw it open to shout at whichever numpty was pissing about this time... and there was a police man, who sort of pushed past me muttering "Best get out of sight love"

It took about 2 minutes to sort out who I was etc. He even made a call to the agents who had instructed me, who have never let me forget it... The estate is now formally known as That Place Curious Got Arrested!

Oh, and it fell off a bit after the police incident, but now I have changed cars.... I haven't been since and am sort of looking forward to the next time

My next door neighbour would love that, she's not remotely batshit but by god does she love a chatgossip

Oh my days! It's out and out snobbery, isn't it.

I wouldn't want to live anywhere that had visible bins for more than a very few hours on bin collection day.

You'd hate living near us then, we and most of our neighbours keep our bins in our front yard, visible to all and sundry. The horror!

Do you have a lot of recently retired people living on your estate OP? People who clearly have time on their hands and nothing better to do. I can't imagine who else would be bothered with this sort of batshit behaviour - and I say that as someone who is at home a lot and lives on an estate.

On our street, the bins get put in eventually mostly by the end of the day but there are one or two people who never put their in - no one cares! We have ' added security' for the HA houses in that their street lights stay on all night whereas ours go off between 12.00 and 5.00 - which is daft as you have to walk through our bit of the estate to get the HA houses. Cars park all over the pavements when the driveways are full. Strangers walking through might get a cursory glance but no more - certainly don't get their picture taken.There is no residents group and no Facebook page. All is well in the world!! Your neighbours are crazy and need to get a life. Perhaps find a leaflet about volunteering somewhere and post it through their letter boxes so they can go and be busy bodies and feel important elsewhere!

A bit strange but at least you know your home will not get burgled with all the curtain twitchers.

I wish people around here would turn off their too-bright security lights. Which actually create more shadows.

And of course we pick up litter. You wouldn’t just leave it there, would you? Good luck if you think local authority services will scoop it up.

The rest sounds mad, though.

I used call to say people who live on estates must breath Persimmon air which sends them nuts. Not just Persimmon estates by the way, but everyone that lives on one round here experiences some level of the following;

The parking is ridiculous, think one space and a garage (that is full of garden stuff and toys) for a 5 bed detached. Consequently no one can park anywhere and everyone moans.

Kids everywhere, in the street, on other people's open plan fronts, leaving their bikes all over the middle of the road, balls kicked against fences.

Everyone knows everyone's business and what their OH's do for a job.

Bloody candle parties and shite like that with the neighbours.

Keeping up with the Jones. One person gets a pair of bay trees outside their door, 40 identical pairs of bay trees appear. One braves the paint pot and paints the white door black, everyone paints theirs black.

YA so definitely Not being unreasonable/

Shamelessly placemarking because I really need to hear everyone’s batshit neighbour stories. Our street is mostly nice old ladies but heaven forbid you leave your bin out! Our next door neighbour brings ours back in for us because I have a free pass due to the fact that I have 2 monsters under the age of 2. And you also have to be chatty. Every time you leave the house. For at least 20 minutes. It’s very inconvenient. I do it because I don’t want them to blacklist me like they have to the other 20 somethings (the once left their bin out for 2 whole days!!)

I wouldn't want to live anywhere that had visible bins for more than a very few hours on bin collection day.

Do none of your neighbors work?
No nurses on shift?
No teachers working late for parents evening?
No fire fighters on long call shifts?
No police officers who do unsociable hours?
Etc.

I have no idea how physically people in your area could comply with your expectations... Do they all have servants?!

Ha euphoria we replaced our windows from blue to grey when we moved in.. now 4 houses on our street have been repainted grey does that mean we are the Jones?!? How exciting

guess who got a parking ticket in their own bay? Yes!! That’s me!!

A proper one or a one issused by the neighbourhood watch.?

Those lawsuits are not unusual. We had one against the grounds maintenance people. The rest though...

I am on a Facebook group for the area where I live. To be fair, there has been an increase in break-ins for reasons that the residents are well aware of. However, some of the posts are batshit crazy...’scruffy man walking down street and peering into windows’ ‘kids in a car not from round here started laughing when I stared at them’. Bonkers! Recently, a boy of age 14 has joined the group and has been posting a lot of waffle, but he has said he is compiling a list of burglaries in the area and for people to message him with details. And people are encouraging him to do this!

Our house was built by Persimmon, too, and it's the biggest load of shite on earth. I'd never buy a new build again as long as I live. Fuck choosing the kitchen tiles if your shower breaks every time you use it and the swines haven't put an isolator in any of the ensuites.

We're on a new estate in a rural area, so it's a bit snooty and "did you realise you've got some weeds in your front garden?". Our NDN on the right is an out and out bollock and has has blazing rows in the street every weekend for the last year because the bloke over the road gets out his leaf-blower-hoover thing at 7am each Saturday and hoovers his drive and the road outside his house. He's also the Neighbourhood Watch King and loves a good snoop, so fuck knows how he finds time to work in between the letters he shoves through everyone's doors. The most recent one was "some people seem to have forgotten that twelfth night fell on 6th January and outdoor christmas lights must be taken down by that date". Of course, it was our batshit NDN who had her inflatable Santa sat outside her front door til Valentines Day, just to piss him off.

It's like the beginning of the end once you move here.

This is amazing. How do people even have the time for this shit?
A certain type of younger retired people seem to be the main culprits for this type of thing. We had a few where we live when the estate was newly built, complaining about everything e.g. complaining that a football goal had been installed on the very large and suitable ‘sports field’ clearly labelled on the plans, so obvious when they bought their houses. They got a petition up and had it removed as there were boys ‘hanging round it’ playing football
DH also stopped me returning the ‘neighbourhood news letter’ to the self-appointed writer and distributor with all the grammar and spellings corrected -after all if you are going complain about the untidiness of the front gardens in writing then at least write reasonably coherently. DH was right to stop me (but also a bit boring ) The stress obviously got to them all as there’s few of them left now, either passed away or moved on. Our front garden is still not immaculate, but is passable as it always has been.

Sounds hell. I love my neighbourhood because it feels supportive but not intrusive, though I was always aware that gossip travels like lightning here. Then the local councillor suggested I join the community email list. Fine, good idea. Day 1, notification of local street party. Day 2, news of a neighbour, info on local planning committee meeting date. Day 3, planning committee agenda. Day 4 started with someone requesting objections to one of the planning guidance items, and by evening it all kicked off, with people posting SCREAMING EMAILS at each other ecery few minutes and totally justified accusations of racism flying. Couldn't unsubscribe quickly enough.

My home town has become very odd since it got a Facebook group. It's full of people who have an aversion to cars, anyone who hasn't lived there for 175 years, buses, young people, pubs, music, dogs, traffic lights and pigeons. The embarrassing thing is my own mother has taken to posting and encouraging the insanity.

Our bin men take and put them back 😁

I think try to take the positives - busybodies can actually do some positive stuff. When we moved onto our estate (totally built from scratch everyone just bought a plot and built their own) our builders told us they were amazed that they hadn’t had any tools nicked. We had to tell them that there are four police families on the road and that apparently the first ‘dodgy scouting van’ full of dodgy looking lads that came round Was met with our 6’7” narc squad neighbour telling them that this was not a good place to be burgling 😁

Keep a polite distance, nod politely at any madness and just enjoy the Facebook page. Ours is a mix of genuine niceness (stray gloves always find their way home) and genuinely amusing batshit crazy.

It’s barmy, but you live there so just try to take the good bits and ignore the weird shit

Sounds crazy!!

We have a village facebook group but it's not this kind of stuff at all. Mostly people selling things, asking for tradesman or restaurant recommendations, local businesses advertising etc.

I would be very tempted to leave my bins out, park outside people's houses, not mow the lawn, leave my pants on the washing line, and anything else I could think of to 'lower the tone'.

I think my friend lives on your estate OP