To think that children are babied too much these days

[BlueMirror]

I think it's really sad that many children aren't allowed the independence I had when I was younger. We live on a very quiet road and while some primary age children are allowed to play outside and climb the trees in the field opposite many aren't.
I also know of 18/19 yr olds who live at home and are basically treated like young teens with their parents calling them by the minutes to check on them, restricting where they can go/who they can see. They are adults!
Aibu to think that if you aren't even allowed out of the door by yourself until you're 11 then you're not going to be fully independent by age 18 and that adolescence now seems to extend into the 20's for many young people?
Supervised 'play dates' for 10+ year olds now seem to be a thing going by threads on here! What happened to going and knocking on your friends doors and seeing who could come out?
For comparison it was normal when I was younger to walk yourself to school age 7 and children played outside from much younger. By the time you hit your teens you were expected to be responsible and behave as an adult with all the freedoms that go with that. Aibu to think that kids are generally overprotected these days?

my kids have absolutely no interest in walking in the streets with no purpose, it's hard enough to get them to walk the dogs even with their friends around

Your kids have no interest because they were never allowed out. I don't know you're trying to make 'walking around with no purpose' sound so evil. Didn't you ever just sit somewhere with your mates as a teenager talking about 'stuff'? If your kids don't ever go out, what do they do?

Not everyone lives in a sepia world of pooh sticks and rope swings. There are acid attacks all over London by teenagers on mopeds, it’s in the news all the time. As well as the stabbings and the mugging and the general discord. We had the riots outside our house when DS was a baby. It WAS school kids playing outside.

When will I let them go out in to town? We live in town, that’s the point.

Until something bad happens and the mother gets slated for not watching her pesky brats!

A local Facebook group crime report always has people writing kids doing such a such why don't theyre parents know where they are. So I think it's a loosing battle.

Not your business.

Didn't you ever just sit somewhere with your mates as a teenager talking about 'stuff'?

well, yes, my mates and I used to live in houses, with garden sheds in the summer, or family rooms with sofa/ fridges and music. Some kids even had a pool. Beats hanging out in a bus shelter if you ask me.

Why do you think that not letting kids completely unsupervised outside means they are locked in a cupboard on their own all day?

The only reason I bought a house with garden was to give a space to my kids, and they are making the most of it when they are home. I am not feeling remotely sorry for them!

Are we talking about teenagers hanging out in a shopping centre/high street or 8-9 year olds playing in the street?
Because surely posters understand that not everyone lives in an area where 8-9 year olds can play out in the street?

Why do you think that not letting kids completely unsupervised outside means they are locked in a cupboard on their own all day?

What? I never said anything like that?

well, yes, my mates and I used to live in houses, with garden sheds in the summer, or family rooms with sofa/ fridges and music. Some kids even had a pool. Beats hanging out in a bus shelter if you ask me

So you were never allowed any unsupervised time with your friends, even as a teenager? What's a bus shelter got to do with anything? I never hung out in a bus shelter. You seem to have a very warped sense of what's normal but then that's what happens when you're only allowed to hang out with friends in each others houses with adults always about.

Oooh, nice to hang out in family rooms with fridges or using friends’ pools! None of my friends had any of that gubbins and we all lived in small houses so our parent’s wouldn’t generally be overjoyed about a crowd of teens descending. Luckily for us, we lived in a large village which had a lovely park. So as teenagers, we sat in the park sharing cans of Heineken and snogging each other 😂 Some not-so-nice things happened from time to time, usually involving older boys, but overall they were very happy times.

I really feel for people who live in very small, basic accommodation, and also live in an area where it isn’t safe to let children out alone.

nice to hang out in family rooms with fridges or using friends’ pools!

HOUSES with fridges, waterlego not family rooms with fridges..
Actually, some of the family rooms did have the fridge there, because the kitchen was too small. I am older than the "open-plan" era. We were so posh we had electricity and everything. We even had running water!
And yes, some kids had a pool. They happened to be quite popular in the school in the summer months funnily enough.

Lucky you if you lived in such a fancy area where violent dogs were banned. There are frequent report of dog attacks around here, and the usual call to ban all dogs as a result. The last one was a boy who was just walking pas the park on his way back from school, it's in the local papers. But let the kids deal with that, and learn a useful life lesson when bitten by a dog shall we.

I grew up in a well-to-do, safe area in the 80s/90s. Even in this environment there was significant use of alcohol, drugs and underage sex with men in their 20s amongst my peers. If something dodgy happened, no one would have dreamed of telling their parents, it was too embarrassing. I don’t blame people for being more cautious as we can remember what it was like.

You’re right about pools Saska. I didn’t know anyone who had a pool when I was a youngster, but I have one now as an adult, and yes, we become popular in the summer holidays!

I think that groups of children together unsupervised tend to sink down to the behaviour levels of the lowest common denominator, and that's always at too low a level for me to tolerate.

None of my friends even lived in a house, never mind had the luxury of garden sheds and bloody swimming pools. Hence we often found ourselves congregating outside. Unsupervised. Funnily enough we managed to conduct ourselves pretty well.

Don’t trivialise the “man in the bushes” OP. I was in a park with a friend when I was younger. The man in the bushes was watching us and wanking whilst doing so. We ran away terrified.

A while back, all schools in my area were contacted because there had been 6 abduction attempts. Kids were aged 10-13.

I don’t let my kids out alone. Sorry if that doesn’t please you OP.

My DCs will be in a better position to grow independent as they grow up as we live in a quiet estate in school catchment with community facilities and green spaced nearby. I grew up on an A road with no local friends. DM was more protective than the average and it was frustrating. I wasn't allowed to catch the bus to school until I was 15 when she broke a bone and was unable to drive. The bus stop was 2 houses away Playing out wasn't viable, but transporting myself to school/ town was. I was sensible and capable and able to deal with adult life. My school friend who was even more mollycoddled wasn't and struggled with university.

What external independence is appropriate is very dependent on the environment.

On balance, children probably do learn less household and personal skills and later than in the past.

The curriculum is so full, "academic" and taught to the test now that schools have neither the time nor the resources to spend on softer life skills.

Home life is often rushed in a long hours working culture. Children spend less time in the home between formal childcare and planned activities. As a parent, I can find it hard to find the time and patience to let the DCs fumble around and do things for themselves.
I find volunteering with youth groups helpful for reminding me what children are and should be capable of doing. I don't want mine to be the inept ones in the group who have to be micromanaged as far as I can help it! I certainly won't be the one asking the leaders to cut the child's food for them on a residential trip We were dumbfounded at that one.

Don’t feel sorry for me living in small, basic accommodation. (I have a garden, by the way. And a historic park within walking distance) We live within minutes of a tube station and go to the museums and galleries at the weekends, for free. We’ve got bowling, cinema and festivals just round the corner from us. There’s even a Go Ape. Swings and roundabouts isn’t it? Some people want their kids out in the street, some of us don’t. I think playing in the street is unnecessarily risky, given that (as PPs keep saying) you can educate your child by talking to them any way. I’d rather discuss road accidents, flashers and street harassment with my child than have them suffer it to learn the lesson.

I was actually very nostalgic for my youth when I saw a group of kids ride past on their bikes! How lovely, I thought, they are out for a ride together!

As the stench of weed hit me and I took a closer look, I realised that these 13, maybe 14 year olds were smoking skunk, had their scarves over their faces and were eyeing up the contents of my car.

I hurried my kids in to Tesco’s. By this threads standards maybe I should have sent my eldest off to join in the wholesome street fun!

Don't want my kids out on the streets.

I was one of those kids on the streets, so I know what it's like.

Ain't no independence going to come from a street corner or dodgy park.

I knocked for friends, lived out the house most of the time. It's called not parenting. And not having a fecking clue what you're up to.

Agree gluteus I was also one of those kids on the streets.

We came in for tea and then bed. I used to get bread from the shop for my mum at aged 5. In the city.

I remember being followed by a paedophile on one of those trips out when I was six. He tried to get me to go with him. My brother started smoking age 8. Older kids were mean to us. My brothers were both in hospital at least 3 times each for stitches for bad falls. I was often bored and lonely. I did enjoy playing ball against the wall but there were not a lot of Golden famous five style memories.

There’s such a range of responses to this that I can only assume that it depends entirely on the sort of area you live in.

Which is exactly what we said pages ago, but OP and others are adamant we are damaging our children’s well-being and mental health by not encouraging them to enter a career as a drug mule at age 6, or letting them learn that near miss sexual assaults are just everyday occurances that they have to get used to before they grow up.

I wouldn’t let DD hang around the street or the park but do let her go into the town centre with friends ( they sit in Costa) I feel happier knowing she is in an area with cctv & security guards
I know the stranger danger things gets dismissed a bit in here but there have been numerous attacks on young girls walking to school in my area of London ( not urban legend, the police just arrested someone for it.) the other worry I have is knife crime, kids being mugged at knifepoint in local parks is a real issue here & not something I’m prepared to risk.

I am joking. (Only a bit though )It’s just not the done thing here and might even be considered neglectful. The rest is hyperbole.

I am in my early 20s now and we certainly knocked on and went playing in the local fields/parks etc as children. We had free reign of the village and the teens/ tweens watched out for the littles.

Most of my friends still live w parents due to the cost of buying/renting and low wages. Even graduates (especially graduates?).

We’re not aliens, kids still go outside. Your nostalgia is colouring your memories I think.

I'm just surprised at how many people live in no-go areas where kids will be made drug mules.
I haven't insisted anything. I realise there are some areas where it is unsafe to go out alone as an adult and that some people live on main roads where playing out isn't practical.
I also know a lot of the parents where I live won't let their 10 year olds out on the field opposite in case 'someone takes them'.