To think that children are babied too much these days

[BlueMirror]

I think it's really sad that many children aren't allowed the independence I had when I was younger. We live on a very quiet road and while some primary age children are allowed to play outside and climb the trees in the field opposite many aren't.
I also know of 18/19 yr olds who live at home and are basically treated like young teens with their parents calling them by the minutes to check on them, restricting where they can go/who they can see. They are adults!
Aibu to think that if you aren't even allowed out of the door by yourself until you're 11 then you're not going to be fully independent by age 18 and that adolescence now seems to extend into the 20's for many young people?
Supervised 'play dates' for 10+ year olds now seem to be a thing going by threads on here! What happened to going and knocking on your friends doors and seeing who could come out?
For comparison it was normal when I was younger to walk yourself to school age 7 and children played outside from much younger. By the time you hit your teens you were expected to be responsible and behave as an adult with all the freedoms that go with that. Aibu to think that kids are generally overprotected these days?

You have a point and I do see this with some of my sons friends- he's 13, 14 in the summer.

A few of his friends parents have commented on how much free reign I give my son for example: he's travelling down to Portsmouth on his own (3hr 45min journey) to spend the week with strangers for Air Cadets. He won't know a single person, but surely that's life skills? I trust him completely and he's very grown up completed to a lot of his friends the same age.

I'd really like the posters who say "no way would I let my child play on the streets alone" to answer the question WHEN will you "allow" it?

Because surely they aren't still confined to the garden at 18?

Therefore you must let them out at some point? So when?

Elocutioner DD 10 knows how to sensibly cross a road, but I've seen her in deep conversation with DS 6 and nearly stepping out in front of a car, that could just as easily happen with her best friend when I'm not there, even more likely on her own.

Therefore you must let them out at some point? So when?
My young teens have no interest in playing on the streets.

So the answer is never. When they are old enough, they don't need hand holding, but they are not wandering around aimlessly on the streets or in shopping malls.

So if you for instance let them go into town on the bus at 15 (which I presume you would) - how do you build up to it?

. When they are old enough, they don't need hand holdingBut thats the point,how will they be able to manage.They have never been out

You really can't see the difference between letting a kid run some errand or going to his friend's house and allowing them to run riots in the streets unsupervised?

@SaskaTchewan, that's a false dichotomy.

For example age 10, I used to love walking 15 mins into town and browsing the shops. Sometimes I'd buy stuff but mostly I'd just go window shopping. I would hardly classify that as "running round with yobbos", but it didn't exactly serve a purpose and had no destination in mind. Just what I enjoyed doing for 2 hours on a Saturday - trying on clothes in New Look 915.

Who said anyone was allowing their kid to run riot in the street unsupervised?

Why are you making things up?

So sad to see kids having some independence described as 'wandering the streets

Isn't it just. I thought we were talking about kids playing outside yet somehow it's been twisted into 'feral children', 'wandering or roaming the streets' and 'neglect'.

My child came home from school today, her friend was at the door before she was even home...she ran in got changed, the two of them ran of together, a few other kids came out...they all played together for an hour. I can see her from the window and her friends dad was out working on his car and keeping an eye on them anyway, it's hardly bloody neglect or 'wandering the streets'.

Yes I think the people talking about neglected kids wandering the streets alone they are trying desperately to justify their stance to themselves. Kids playing outside with other kids are neither wandering nor alone. But feel free to paint a picture of a dirty barefoot child with rags on and a knitted hanky on a stick if it makes you feel better!

I couldn't find DD(5) this afternoon - she had gone off to play. All perfectly safe in a safe neighbourhood.

I understand not everyone has this possibility (eg inner London) but it's a shame to think some kids do but can't use it.

lol in my teens all my friends had an unwritten rule that we'd meet outside W H Smiths on a Saturday at 2pm to wander about the mall aimlessly 😂 AND we walked there without adults! We'd have found it quite odd of our parents insisted on taking us there, or wouldn't let us out because we didn't have a "purpose".

Younger kids need to play. Teenagers need to hang out with friends. Not always be DOING something.

Exactly. Didn't realise everything we did needed to have a "purpose" JFC

So what happens when they turn 18.Open the door and fling them out.

Plus theres a middle ground between feral and kids being not allowed to do anything.Its called letting your kids grow up.

SRFT but since becoming a mother raising kids in the same area I grew up in (now a much nicer & safer part of SW London) this is something I really struggle with as Stranger Danger terrifies me. On the other hand IME children who are restricted do tend to go wild at Uni etc. I was given freedom
to go out (curfews) & was catching buses/trains to school alone in my early teens. I tried weed & cigarettes once but was not interested in it. At uni I was exposed to loads more drugs than before & seemed to be the only one who didn’t do coke (obvs this is personality too). I never just hung about in the park but went to Woolworths, cinema etc. At primary age I did play with lots of kids on the street & sometimes we would play on the street.

A young person is statistically much more likely to be abused/murdered by someone close. Online abuse is growing but a toddler is unlikely to be on the internet conversing with a pedo. Additionally it’s not like you hit 18 and your risk of a random knife attack or rape massively reduces.

I also think it is really impt for children to grow up aware of dangers & their environment. eg don’t leave your imac on the table while you pay for something, don’t walk down the street with your iphone out, don’t ride a bike in the dark wearing black and have headphones on. However adults do all these things too.

I was doing some training recently how self identity and security are really impt in teaching children resilience. Evidence suggests that even if a child has a negative experience the resilient ones cope a lot better. Surely they need freedom to develop a sense of self?

sorry bit of an essay!

Younger kids need to play. Teenagers need to hang out with friends. Not always be DOING something.

they have more than enough gardens. houses, clubs, cafes etc. to do just that. They don't need to be wandering aimlessly in the streets.
I like how some posters translate "supervised" by kids being kept in their bedrooms. When they play, they are doing something.

my kids have absolutely no interest in walking in the streets with no purpose, it's hard enough to get them to walk the dogs even with their friends around.

I see plenty of children playing out with very low levels of parental supervision.
Not my preferred approach, given the trouble they get into, but you'll be pleased to hear there are plenty of families who don't keep an eye on their kids.

I am in my 50s. I walked to school alone at 5 and was going off to the town alone at 11. Even back then one of my good friends was taken everywhere by car by her dad!

The two big differences between then and now:

1. Traffic. Very few people had cars when I was a child so you could play in the road, or take a chance crossing the main road.

2. community. People were more nosy and more inclined to get involved. I would get home and get told that Mrs So and So had seen me messing about outside school. Nothing escaped the nosy parkers. But those same people would step in if you got into trouble. Most adults would look out for children. If you went home and told your parents that Mr Bloggs had shouted at you for running across the road you'd get it in the neck from them too.

I don't have the confidence that children are looked out for the same way. You've got men who won't approach children in case they get accused of something, and other people don't interfere in fear of being attacked.

Also the freedom we had was sometimes too much for us. I can remember standing at a dark bus stop in the evening after dance class absolutely petrified. While playing over at the local creek most of us managed a near miss of some sort, and as children you don't have the maturity to cope with emergencies.

"They have more than enough gardens. houses, clubs, cafes etc. to do just that." Not everywhere - as has been pointed out from the other perspective the environments we're all raising our kids in vary - even in their lifetime. Dd has lived in inner city high rise, but we're now in a very rural area where there's sod all to do and certainly no youth clubs, cafes open of an evening for them to hang out in etc I'm very welcoming of dd having friends round listening to music, watching a film etc but not all households have the room or the personal energy (I certainly can understand if both parents been working all day and got younger ones to consider they don't want a gaggle of chatty teens descending).

Plus I am another that thinks it REALLY doesn't do them any harm to have proper free time where they're not doing something organised. They learn to have proper conversations, even discussing quite in depth topics or 😱 learning to be bored without it causing anxiety.

My children grew up independent - there were five of them and I brought them up alone, so very little 1 on 1 time with an adult, I worked so they were sometimes alone, and all learned to cook/iron/do laundry etc.

They were amazed on starting university, how few of their cohort could do simple things like plan and cook a meal, use a washing machine - my son even told me (in tones of great amusement) how one girl rang her dad because she didn't know how to change the light bulb in her room.

There's protective and there's 'protective'...

I will not let my DD ever just play out in the street. The world is a different place now with acid attacks, kids going missing and more

Where do you live that acid attacks and kids going missing are happening on a regular basis on your street? Your level of worry in quite strange.

YABU

I live in an area where the kids roam free. I thought it was pretty idyllic, and couldn’t wait to let my son play ball on the green outside.

I was soon jolted out of my innocence. It’s a nice area but two dogs are allowed to roam with the kids. Not great. Kids were mean. Random nasty kids would sometimes turn up and ask the younger ones too intrusive questions, made me nervous. My son was teased, bullied, and I realised that all this ‘freedom’ did was let the two horrible older boys bully and lead all the other ones.

My son and me both decided to not play out anymore and just invite kids around where at least they had the safety of a parent to just check those Animal Farm type instincts!

I focused on building his independence in other ways, letting him take short bus trips at 12, flights, going to the shop, being responsible, doing chores. He’s 16 now and goes out on his own no problem.