Am I being selfish?

[Sunnyshiny]

My cousin who lives abroad has invited my family (DH, DS1 and soon to be born DS2 along with my mother, father and two sisters) to his wedding in a beautiful location in the USA. Free accomodation at their home. (Potentially a fabulous holiday)

My DH and I had a major fall out with my mother last year and sadly this hasn't been fully resolved. I have put my upset and issues I have with her to one side for the sake of the whole family. I desperately don't want to lose my relationship with my mother. My DH on the other hand has said it's the final straw and doesn't want much to do with her.

My DM is happy to put things to one side for the sake of her grandchildren and is being civil and we are seeing each other and cautiously continuing our relationship.

DH has said he doesn't want to attend the wedding due to the feelings he has towards my mother and the way she has upset him. I fully understand his reasons for not coming and I am not pressuring him to come- although i have expressed if he wants to come, I would be delighted I have said that I would really like to see my cousin get married, and for my two children to meet their second cousins who they have never met and visit America.

So I have suggested that i go with my DC, mother, father and sisters (they are very willing to help me out with travelling with DC) without DH.

DH has said it isn't fair that we would be going on a lovely holiday without him and he is sad that I would want to go on such a fabulous holiday without him. He says he will miss the DC and I have upset him that I want to go without him.

It is his choice to not come. Yet I feel I am not allowed to go without him (My DM would be fine and civil with him coming. And I understand he feels uncomfortable around my family and I fully support his decision not to come because of the argument).

Am I being selfish for wanting to go to the wedding without DH?

OP your loyalties lie neither with your DH nor with your mum.
They lie with YOU

You need to do what is right with you.
Is it ok to stop seeing your mum for you?
Is it ok for you to forgo going to the wedding of your cousins, hav8ng the opportunity ith to see the wider family for you?

Atm you are putting everyone else before you. Your DH, your mum. But what about YOU, your wishes, your need (to be connected to your family, to see your mum etc...)??
Neither your DH, nor your mum should be trying to make you choose.

What they can do is decide that THEY don’t want to see xxx and act accordingly.
But they shouldn’t ask you to take sides in the way your DH is doing.

I do hope you will find a solution to that and that your DH is going to grow up (he sounds like a petulant child when he is wing8ng about the fact ‘he is not going to get a holiday in the US but you wiiiilll. It’s so unfaiiiiir’)