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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did anyone find that their child blossomed when they started secondary schoolL

38 replies

AjasLipstick · 19/02/2018 21:24

I know it's not a typical AIBU but tough! Grin

I wanted to know....because DD is 13 and we live in Australia, she began high school in January and has just grown happier and more confident.

It was the opposite for me!

I shrank!

I think she was bored in primary school and there are more challenges now....did your child blossom or were they like me?

OP posts:
TwoTeaTessie · 19/02/2018 21:32

My DS did just the same. We had long term problems with bullying in primary school.
When he moved to high school (he was the only one to go to that particular school) he bloomed and is achieving way better now

elliejjtiny · 19/02/2018 21:34

My ds1 has been loving secondary school. I was so nervous for him as he seemed so young but he loves all the clubs, facilities, bigger library etc.

DaffodilsAreMyFav · 19/02/2018 21:39

My DD has grown in confidence more than I could have imagined since starting secondary school. I feel grateful every day on account of it. The school is very supportive/nurturing.

AuntLydia · 19/02/2018 21:41

Yes mine! She's quite a quiet kid too so I was really surprised. She was in a class with some very dominant personalities in primary school I think. She ended up with a lovely bunch of kids in secondary and it's been great for her. She seems to have blossomed academically too.

OhForFrigSake · 19/02/2018 21:45

Ahhhh what a lovely thread! My DC are in primary still but nice to think that they won't be overwhelmed by the challenge of secondary when it comes time :-)

TheGrumpySquirrel · 19/02/2018 21:48

Yep my dd was painfully shy at primary, but has grown in confidence and just blossomed at secondary school Smile

yolofish · 19/02/2018 22:16

Both of mine did! I think it is because particularly towards the end of primary they are relatively big fish in small ponds, and they have outgrown the whole thing. Also in primary when you are stuck with Miss/Mr whoever all day long it gets boring and if the relationship is not great then the switch to meeting lots of different teachers/moving classrooms etc is much more interesting.

Rhubarbginmum · 19/02/2018 22:30

DS did definitely.

DD did initially and she has surprised me and has matured an awful lot but she has had a difficult time with friendship groups and it’s really knocked her confidence. So I wouldn’t realky say she had blossomed.

minionsrule · 19/02/2018 22:35

I nearly cried when ds wanted to get the bus on his own after just 1 day in high school.....he is usually such a 'maybe next time' type of boy Grin.
Unfortunately his hatred of homework hasn't subsided with high school, sigh can't win them all i suppose

nobutreally · 19/02/2018 22:35

Both of mine have: both academically and socially. Not without some struggles, but generally both of mine are enjoying secondary much more than they enjoyed the last few years of primary. I think more subjects are just taught in a more involving way, as they are being taught by specialists who genuinely enjoy their subjects. And as pp has said - never getting stuck with that one teacher who you just don't gell with for months on end....

angieloumc · 19/02/2018 22:40

My DD now 13 particularly changed when she went to high school. Her primary was very small, just one class per year group and only 24 in her form, including only 10 girls.
There was one girl who started in year 3 and latched onto DD, it wasn't a good friendship imo. I did request that they weren't in the same form at high school, don't know if my ask made a difference (probably not) but they're in different forms.
DD is now in year 9; she's confident, lots of friends and very happy. Unfortunately the other girl struggles with friendships but DD isn't responsible for that and while she feels for her doesn't want to go back to be friends with her.

BakedBeans47 · 19/02/2018 22:42

Mine hasn’t started high school yet but I did much much better in high school than primary. It suited my learning style much better.

Minestheoneinthegreen · 19/02/2018 22:52

I was petrified about mine going into secondary as primary had been so tricky. However, she's like a different child in just a term and a half. So independent, happy, embracing all opportunities and appears to have nice friends. A huge relief for me!

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 19/02/2018 22:53

Well mine aren't old enough yet but I absolutely did! In primary I was extremely shy, barely said "boo" to anybody whereas in secondary I came out of my shell and for the most part I really enjoyed school through those years. I'm sure it's a relief that she's enjoying it Op and hopefully she'll continue to blossom Smile.

Original poster
AjasLipstick · 19/02/2018 22:56

Isn't this all lovely? To hear about all these kids doing so well!

I'm so glad....I know it's early days yet but she really loves the fact that they have different teachers for different subjects and in her school they get to choose a new "fun" subject each year and the subjects are fantastic....things like jewellery making, radio and creative writing or music.

She's started a new instrument too....and made more friends. So....THANK GOODNESS! Grin

OP posts:
MrSlant · 19/02/2018 22:56

Both of my secondary children have grown and grown and done better every year in 'big school'. Now in their A level and GCSE years and I couldn't be prouder.

Posting this for the version of me on MN who has a DC in year 6 (or equivalent pre 'big school' year) and is crying with worry about it all for their soon to be secondary school child. Oh wait, that's actually me, get a grip woman Wink Grin.

NeverUseThisName · 19/02/2018 22:58

Mine had a tough 1st year in secondary. Things began improving in the second half of that year, she was put up a group in Maths, she got a part in the school show, and things just grew from there. Dd began to believe in herself. Her friendship circle grew. In Y8 she really blossomed. It has been a joy to see.

Plenty of long hard slogs in parenting, but seeing your child blossom makes it all worthwhile. Smile

Quadrangle · 19/02/2018 22:59

Yes definitely. Dd was very quiet and felt unpopular at primary. The cool kids didn't like her, but she seems very happy at her comp, with a lovely group of friends and has come out of her shell. Seems to be thriving and making the most of clubs etc. Hasn't had people be unkind to her like at primary either

yolofish · 19/02/2018 22:59

when you think about tho, primary school is so tiny and they've been with a relatively small number of kids so many years... everything gets magnified. So although moving on is scary - for us and them - they suddenly have a much bigger pool to play in, and they can move on in ways they couldnt before. so glad your girl is thriving ajas.

mumgointhroughtorture · 19/02/2018 23:00

Aww this has made me feel better about my "baby" starting high school this September. She's a happy soul anyway and seems to have changed so much since she changed schools a couple of years ago .
She's really looking forward to going .
I'm not looking forward to the realisation that both my kids are gonna be independent soon and won't need me so much sob

PancakeInMaBelly · 19/02/2018 23:03

I did. You can find your tribe in secondary. Primary was stressful socially.

PerfectlyDone · 19/02/2018 23:04

Oh gosh, yes!

DS2 had all sorts of problems in primary school, mainly related to low self-esteem and poor impulse/emotion control.
He is now in Y2 in high school and is doing so well. In fact, he started in August and by Christmas he was a different boy - funny, confident, doing ok academically and no more angry outbursts! Smile

Roomba · 19/02/2018 23:08

DS has blossomed after starting secondary in September. At primary he was mostly shunned by the other kids, bar his two best friends, for being a 'geek' (he really isn't particularly geeky, he just doesn't like football and prefers reading!). He is loving being in a school full of boys just like him and has come out of his shell a lot. He joined the detating club and has given speeches in assembly to the whole school - he'd never have done that a year ago.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 19/02/2018 23:11

Hmm, DD2 started fairly slowly at secondary school. Had a few wobblers in Y10, got it together in Y 11. But absolutely loved sixth form college and is loving uni.

My other three have been fairly consistent (loves school/tolerates school/loathes school) throughout their education. DD1 in particular has consistently been a loather. Final year of uni now and can't wait for it to be over.

JoeyMaynardssolidlump · 19/02/2018 23:12

Lovely thread op.

My kids started high school at 13 too. In the uk but we live in an area that has 3 tiers so first School Is 4/9 middle school 9/14 and then high school.

Mine all went to mixed comps and found year 9 challenging but by 10 they had settled into brilliant groups of mates. My oldest geek had chess friends and my sports mad sons had rugby mates. My artistic and dramatic dds had arty and dramatic friends to wallow in culture and books Wink

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