My husband and I have agreed today to get a divorce. It’s been a long time coming, he instigated it (I should have instigated it before now but TBH I have never had the guts). He’s going full steam ahead organising things. He has a very nasty and manipulative side and I always thought that, in the event of a split, he’d be reasonable for the sake of our 2 kids.
I was wrong.
DD is in private school. He can afford it, he earns £80k a year. I earn £14k working 3 days a week. He has said he will pull her out of school because “why should he have to pay”. Not because he can’t afford it, it’s seemingly a dig at me. He’s already emailed the school today.
He mentioned today that he wants custody of DD (4) but as DS (1) is still breastfeeding that he can’t take him just yet. I told him no way, I’m not a milkmaid there to feed his children until he’s ready to take over. At this, he threw DS’ baby walker at the wall in a rage.
He’s trying to manipulate me already, he thinks I’m stupid - for example, he told me to just live back into the flat I rent out. It’s a pokey 1 bed flat, but I think he’s doing it so that he can have some leverage in case of custody so that I have somewhere unsuitable to live for the children. I won’t be doing this, I’m looking at 3 bed rental properties through the week.
In terms of custody, he thinks him earning more money will guarantee him getting it - he can barely handle the kids for 2 hours as it is! Also he has a criminal record of violence and one DV incident towards me on my medical record. I’m squeaky clean in that respect and work PT to his 50 hours, so I think I have that in my favour.
He’s told me that I am not to try and get any of his money in the divorce 
the house we live in is in his name. That doesn’t bother me but for 4 years while he set up his own business my wage was the only money coming into the house. I supported him financially through that and will be a single mother on one income so I will be trying to get money from him to get stable.
He’s now made it clear that he’ll be paying the minimum CSA and, because he’s self employed, will be making it look to HMRC like he only earns £12k. So that means about £35 a week for 2 kids. From someone who can afford private school. I’m furious.
Also I lent him £1750 for his business out the money my dad left me and he’s promised to repay it in April. I’ve said I want this now to help with my moving costs. He said that’s fine but it means forgoing DD’s School fees for next term and her being pulled out for the summer term. Manipulative bastard.
I want to get my ducks in a row
My questions are -
⁃ what are his chances of getting custody?
⁃ What do I need to do to be smart and ensure I don’t get shafted?
⁃ Any other advice on how to make this as smooth as possible?
I have no one at all locally, only his family. I have no support, my in laws are lovely but ultimately they are going to be on his side. I need to be brave and strong.