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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To start a thread praising the good men out there

84 replies

Chocywockydodahhhhhh · 18/02/2018 11:11

It’s so depressing to read about horrible men, especially since Joe Coxes Husband has turned out to be a absolute arsehole. I would like to mention two men

My dad- an absolute gentleman who has worked hard all this life in a hard manual job and is still doing it part time at the age of 72. He adores my mum and his kids and grandchildren. He can be a bit of a grumpy sod but he is a good man.

My husband- a great husband and father. I have epilepsy and fibromyalgia and he has supported my all the way through.
He works full time and did the majority of night feeds when DS was a baby as if I get over tired I fit. He will take DS out and let me rest if I have had a fit or am in pain without complaint. He cooks tea nearly night as I can’t use the cooker in case I fit (he won’t let me)
I developed epilepsy after we had been together for six months, I told him to leave but instead he got down on one knee and proposed. He says I am beautiful every day and says he is lucky to have me. I sometimes think I am a burden but he always reassures me
He is not perfect and can be a bit sulky at times but he is a good man and I am proud of him.

OP posts:
DaisysStew · 18/02/2018 11:14

My younger brother. He’s only 21 but he’s a really good guy. Kind, considerate, helpful, loves his nephew and has endless patience with him (more than me!). He’s one of my favourite people in the world.

dinosaursandtea · 18/02/2018 11:15

My Dad is one of the absolute best. I’m delighted that my sister has married someone equally as good, and I have high hope for their young son.

Pumpkinisland89 · 18/02/2018 11:17

My husband is the most patient man I have ever met. He supports me unconditionally and always puts family first and would do everything he could to make sure we are OK.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 18/02/2018 11:17

My son-out-law. Kind, witty, hard working, a wonderful father. Also good at getting things off high shelves.

littlepill · 18/02/2018 11:18

I think this is a great idea for a thread but I am not keen on hearing about everyone’s dad/brother/husband experiences. Maybe just me feeling world weary & worn, but what about in the public eye? Who are the good men on our TV screens and in our news stories?

ilovesooty · 18/02/2018 11:21

Just about all the men I work with. They're great and there are many I'm proud to count as my friends.

UpstartCrow · 18/02/2018 11:22

3 of my uncles are the best men I have ever met. Kind, amusing, they are good company. You get the impression that they like other people, and they all have a good sense of humour.

RunningAddict · 18/02/2018 11:23

My Dad who is my best friend, an amazing father, and an amazing grandfather to my niece. Endless patience and love, he basically raised our family as our Mum was in a demanding role which involved a lot of work away from home.

My DP is also amazing. I’m so lucky to have him in my life, he obviously has is his faults but I know that he cares so much and would never hurt me. I also know he’ll make an amazing father and husband in the future.

I consider myself very lucky Smile

Fosterdog123 · 18/02/2018 11:23

My dad. He was an amazing father and husband. Worked hard all his life, loved my mum and me, was kind and gentle and never once moaned through a devastating illness and disability.

Him being a good man however doesn't mean that men as a group aren't a collective bunch of fuckwits.

Birdsgottafly · 18/02/2018 11:25

You don't know who the good men are on Television etc. You've got to live and share a bed with someone to really know them.

There's lots of Women who would sing the praises of my abusive ex. He is a great guy, until you are in a relationship with him.

The men that you know at work, are nice at work.

Blackteadrinker77 · 18/02/2018 11:28

All the men in my life.

My DH who won't let me lift a finger after having surgery 8 weeks ago.
My DSS age 18, who is just the kindest sweetest person in the world
My DSIL who is funny, kind and loving and adores my DD. I can ask him for anything and he'd do it. I'd walk over hot coals for him and it amazes me how lovely he is as he did not have an easy upbringing.
My DF who lives miles away but jumps in the car if I even mention a light bulb needs changing
My DFIL who we have now lost but he was one of the best people to ever walk this earth

Reading MN gives a false impression that most men are awful in some way, in reality I find most are lovely.

DaisysStew · 18/02/2018 11:30

Who are the good men on our TV screens and in our news stories?

I’ve never heard a bad thing about Tom Hanks, or Patrick Stewart. They seem like decent blokes.

RoseWhiteTips · 18/02/2018 11:30

Who is really going to read this thread? This is AIBU.

itsmeimcathyivecomehome · 18/02/2018 11:31

Littlepill makes a good point - i know many good fathers, husbands, bosses, friends, brothers, just as I've met a fair few misogynistic arseholes.

But in the public eye - of course it's going to be speculation because we don't know these men. E.g. Brad Pitt seemed to be the perfect father, but who knows what really happened on that plane?

Are these abuses more common because of the positions of power? Or is it just that your average arse slapper/groper doesn't get the air time?

littlepill · 18/02/2018 11:31

True, Birds but even sharing a bed with a man doesn’t mean you know him.

SersioulycanitgetWORSE · 18/02/2018 11:33

My husband is amazing in every way. Many past boyfriend have also behaved with absolute integrity even being in bed next to me at starts of relationship and never groped me or behaved inappropriately until I was ready and gave signs.

I once shared bed with creep who hours after I first met him tried to wedge his dick in my legs. He was never bf material and was given short shrift. All the ones I really liked were total gentleman.

SersioulycanitgetWORSE · 18/02/2018 11:34

Black tea it's not mn ff sake Confused Brendan Cox is not a mm made up story, the oxfam scandal is not mm made up we are simply talking about real issues on here.

NailsNeedDoing · 18/02/2018 11:37

My ex. Split up when dc were tiny (we were young when we got together and it turned out we just wanted different things out of life and a relationship) and now that they are all grown up I can truly say I couldn't have chosen a better father for my dc, or a more supportive co parent for myself. He is supportive both financially and emotionally, and while he pisses me off on a regular basis, he is a genuinely good guy.

He has another ex that would say he is a complete bastard, but really, it's her, not him. I've known him in a relationship and as an ex, I know him as well as I know myself and one woman calling him a fuckwit doesn't make it true.

Inseoir · 18/02/2018 11:37

'Many past boyfriend have also behaved with absolute integrity even being in bed next to me at starts of relationship and never groped me or behaved inappropriately until I was ready and gave signs.'

In order to qualify as good, all a man has to do is not be a sexual predator.

Need I say more?

Onlyoldontheoutside · 18/02/2018 12:33

So we're praising men for what?Being normal adults?

lookingforthecorkscrew · 18/02/2018 12:37

Slow clap for all the men who aren't monsters...

Sorry but I don't want to read about your uncle. Or your brother. They SHOULD be good men.

Birdsgottafly · 18/02/2018 12:41

Looks like.

And it shows why Women are convinced that they wont be believed.

littlepill · 18/02/2018 12:46

That’s why I asked about the men in our news stories - the one who have done extraordinary (good) things. Who are they?

OopsPardonMrsArden · 18/02/2018 12:47

David Attenborough?

Inseoir · 18/02/2018 12:49

Things like supporting someone who's ill, looking after someone who's had surgery, helping a child who needs it, these are all pretty unremarkable things really - they're just basic decency, things that women routinely do for friends or even for people they don't know very well.

My gran gave birth to 9 children by c-section (because the men of the Catholic Church said that her life and health was irrelevant in comparison to her role as a Breeding Cow for the faith) and raised all of those children to be successful adults with no money while her husband tried to drink them all out of house and home. I can't imagine any man managing that while still retaining his sense of optimism and humour like she did.

It's notable that a few posters have said that their 'good' men are grumpy and sulky - how many grumpy, sulky women would be considered to be so great? Can't they stop making other people suffer their emotions?

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