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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To start a thread praising the good men out there

84 replies

Chocywockydodahhhhhh · 18/02/2018 11:11

It’s so depressing to read about horrible men, especially since Joe Coxes Husband has turned out to be a absolute arsehole. I would like to mention two men

My dad- an absolute gentleman who has worked hard all this life in a hard manual job and is still doing it part time at the age of 72. He adores my mum and his kids and grandchildren. He can be a bit of a grumpy sod but he is a good man.

My husband- a great husband and father. I have epilepsy and fibromyalgia and he has supported my all the way through.
He works full time and did the majority of night feeds when DS was a baby as if I get over tired I fit. He will take DS out and let me rest if I have had a fit or am in pain without complaint. He cooks tea nearly night as I can’t use the cooker in case I fit (he won’t let me)
I developed epilepsy after we had been together for six months, I told him to leave but instead he got down on one knee and proposed. He says I am beautiful every day and says he is lucky to have me. I sometimes think I am a burden but he always reassures me
He is not perfect and can be a bit sulky at times but he is a good man and I am proud of him.

OP posts:
HandbagKrabby · 18/02/2018 12:50

This reminds me of the excellent relationship advice I received as a young woman that ‘He’s a good man if he doesn’t hit you.’ Hmm

There’s loads of women doing all this and more for perfectly able-bodied men because they have ‘an important job’, never mind what they do for men that actually have a need for help. Not to denigrate the niceness of people’s family members though.

littlepill · 18/02/2018 12:51

Elon Musk? Bill Gates? Or is their philanthropy egoistic?

Knittedfairies · 18/02/2018 12:53

This is all a bit depressing! Praising men for being decent, ordinary adults.

RickOShay · 18/02/2018 12:54

Nelson Mandela?

areyoubeingserviced · 18/02/2018 12:55

My dh is a good man.
He is sweet, funny ,caring and extremely loyal
He is a fantastic father and son. An all round good guy

Inseoir · 18/02/2018 12:56

We have to praise them though Knitted, otherwise they'll sulk and get grumpy! Men have to have a parade when they iron a shirt or change a nappy, it is their absolute right and due for lowering themselves to do women's work for them!!

NotWithABang · 18/02/2018 12:57

Wow, congratulations, your partner doesn't grope you and looks after you when you've had surgery.
Why are we praising men like this and putting them on a pedestal just for being normal, decent human beings? Where's the praise for the women who do all this and more? What a pathetically low bar to set men.
there is no need for a 'not all men!' response to recent events. We are all aware that not all men behave like sexual predators or are rapists or abusers. However, you can critique a class of people and be aware of the issues of male privilege whilst still loving and appreciating certain members of that class.

StealthPolarBear · 18/02/2018 12:57

Agree with the posters who've said we shouldn't be applauding men for being good. They should be assumed to be basic human beings unless they show otherwise.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 18/02/2018 12:57

I don't know much about him other than this, but here is a man who did a wonderful thing and saved dozens of lives. If you can watch this unmoved, you may be made of stone.

sallyandherarmy · 18/02/2018 12:58

Blimey.

A lovely post about the good men in OUR lives turns into a men bashing post by the usual men hating MNers.

How predictable.

Anyway, I vote my husband as being one of the most amazing men I have ever met. Won't give reasons as I know you 'orrible lot will bash my reasons.

And Jacob Rees-Mogg.

MadamMinacious · 18/02/2018 12:59

So we're praising men for what?Being normal adults?

This

Slow clap for all the men who aren't monsters...

and this ...

It kind of reminds me of when dads take their kids to the park and people coo 'isn't he a good dad' when the mother gets no praise for doing it the other 6 days of the week or 'oh isn't he good for helping with the washing up?' Hmm

You see I know a lot of good men too, quite a few of them but I'm not going to praise them for it. I know many good women as well and I'm not cheerleading them either (and I probably wouldn't be expected to).

I know some posters here think men are painted in a negative way and this is somehow unfair but the simple truth is this: If those stories were not out there to share we couldn't share them, if the men in the various relationships on the the Relationships board didn't behave that way women wouldn't be relating the stories, if the stats on male violence and prison population didn't exist we couldn't comment on them, if men didn't abuse women we wouldn't need so many women's refuges, if men didn't use women as commodities and objectify them we wouldn't have violent porn, prostitution and human trafficking but we do ... we have all those things and so as women (the majority of posters are female here) we comment on them in a place we should be able to (thank you Mumsnet team). It may seem overwhelmingly negative on occasion but then IT IS, that's the truth of the matter.

So I'm sure your husband, son, father, uncle neighbour are good men who do good things and you love them and no one can take that away from you or them. I too am fortunate enough to have several good men in my life but praising them for being pleasant, gentle, loving people suggests that this isn't the norm so in its own way this thread is highlighting all the things men (as a class) do that are problematic as we are isolating and praising a few men merely for not being violent and for being kind, honest and helpful and honestly, this should be expected from them as it is of women.

I know this will be seen as a negative post but it isn't - there are good men out there and bad women this we know but pointing to individuals and saying 'well he isn't like that' doesn't do anything to address all the men who are - in numbers that are an problem.

Bombardier25966 · 18/02/2018 12:59

Why are a few so intent on making a positive thread miserable? There's absolutely nothing wrong with sharing stories about good men, anyone that thinks otherwise needs to look at their own agenda.

My partner is pretty fab. We've not been together long but I've always been open about my mental health issues. The past few days have been particularly bad, and are generally when I realise how few people care about me. He has gone above and beyond to be thoughtful and minimise my (many) stressors. And that kindness is rare, in either sex.

MadamMinacious · 18/02/2018 13:01

A lovely post about the good men in OUR lives turns into a men bashing post by the usual men hating MNers.

If I could use an eye rolling emoticon here I would.

Men hating MNers - don't be so childish. Like I say if the issues didn't exist we couldn't comment on them.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 18/02/2018 13:01

Also, for all those saying the bar is set very low for men, I'm sure you're right, but come on, how many women are perfect? There's plenty of bad behaviour reported on MN from women too. And for the record, I too have/have had a father, grandfather, husband, brother, son, uncle, nephew and male cousins who are all very decent people. I also have/have had a mother, daughter, aunts and grandmothers who meet that description too.

Inseoir · 18/02/2018 13:01

All of the men mentioned here may not be violent or misogynistic themselves, but what do they do to stop the rampant violence and misogyny in the world? My guess is, for the most part, nothing. And if asked they'll say that they don't do it so it's not their problem and they will get highly offended by the suggestion that they should even really care about it. Men may not all be violent but in general they all just let it happen. They don't want to put time or effort into changing anything that doesn't directly benefit them - why would they? If women want change they have to do it themselves. Of course when women do try to bring about change men then start whinging about how they're all left out and women should be helping them too. The irony seems to be entirely lost on them.

StealthPolarBear · 18/02/2018 13:01

"
A lovely post about the good men in OUR lives turns into a men bashing post by the usual men hating MNers."
The vast majority of men in my life are lovely, kind, faithful family men who barely drink and see their home and children as their responsibility. That is NORMAL. this thread is making the assumption it isn't and is far more offensive to men than the posters sharing their stories of tbe wonderful men they know realise.

AssassinatedBeauty · 18/02/2018 13:02

The point is that these men are normal humans, not especially good or particularly altruistic and self sacrificing. It's not "men bashing" to point this out, that men who meet normal standards of behaviour are regarded as amazingly good.

gamerwidow · 18/02/2018 13:03

I don't think now is the time for a what about the men thread. Yes not all men are sexual predators but the behaviour we are praising on this thread is the minimum we should be expecting from our men. My husband is a 'good man' but his behaviour towards me is not any more deserving of praise than my behaviour towards him is.
Stop setting the bar so low for men that just normal respect and kindness are treated as being something special.

Knittedfairies · 18/02/2018 13:04

I'm not men-bashing, Sally. I just assume, maybe naively, that every man I meet/know is a decent human being unless I’m told otherwise.

gamerwidow · 18/02/2018 13:05

fwiw i don't hate men and am not 'men bashing' I have a great husband and wonderful male relatives but they are not doing anything special by not being twats.

hollowtree · 18/02/2018 13:06

DaisysStew I could have written this word for word! Except with niece not nephew!

😂 David Attenborough! Absolutely yes

Inseoir · 18/02/2018 13:06

It's not about being perfect, it's about showing basic decency and kindness. A man who looks after a partner after she's had surgery is not remarkable in any way - if a woman didn't look after her partner after surgery she'd be considered an unconscionable bitch. Women are just expected to get up every night with a baby, no one even takes any notice when they do it, never mind praising them for it. No one notices when a woman has no career or personal money because she does everything to suit her family's needs - there are millions of women like that.

Far from hating men, I believe they are capable of a lot more and I think it is people who expect so little of them that should be changing their attitude.

Knittedfairies · 18/02/2018 13:07

Jacob Rees-Mogg?!

StealthPolarBear · 18/02/2018 13:08

I'm hoping that was a joke :)

hollowtree · 18/02/2018 13:09

Oh I just read the second page and realised it's gone South.