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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go for lunch

129 replies

Nibblertron · 18/02/2018 09:36

We are invited for lunch at a (sort of) friend’s house today, and I can’t think of anything I would less like to do. I just said to DH I’d rather poo-pick the garden and he agreed and said there’s a hole in the wall he'd prefer to concrete in.

I just can’t cry off though, it would be too rude. Got to go, get flowers and wine, grin and bear it. Bah!

AIBU?

OP posts:
FeedtheTree · 18/02/2018 13:34

Just call back and say it would work better for you now to postpone. They've changed the plans, so you can cancel now without guilt.

SukiTheDog · 18/02/2018 13:50

Ah, apologies then OP. I didn’t realise your friends had treated you badly. Why not just let that friendship go then? Why hang on to people who you’re not really wanting in your life?

Delatron · 18/02/2018 13:53

Ooh now they're being rude! They haven't just booked the photo shoot this morning.

Think this is your opportunity to say it doesn't work for you, you already have plans.

Sounds like she doesnt want to cook you all lunch!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 18/02/2018 14:13

You could fight fire with fire - if you were that way inclined - and phone them back to say that actually, 3pm doesn't work for you after all, how about 5pm as DH is stuck into a messy job now and won't be able to leave it? Grin

TheEagle · 18/02/2018 14:19

So your real irritation is with him for not reciprocating all you’ve done for him over the years?

You can’t make people like or dislike you.

And different people react differently to having a baby.

Maybe she knows you don’t really like her and she’s more comfortable in the company of her neighbours?

Original poster
Nibblertron · 18/02/2018 14:35

So your real irritation is with him for not reciprocating all you’ve done for him over the years?. No, not at all. The lack of reciprocation is of no relevance to me; I’m pretty independent. I’m just saddened that she Isn’t very nice.

She absolutely won’t know that I find her snide and snooty because I am nothing but lovely to her. Just wanted to vent my annoyance here is all.

Also Suki, it’s not me who perpetuates the friendship, it is my friend, I am one of the very few people he has had in his life for any significant length of time, and he relies on me, only a little, in the way a younger sibling might.

Anyway, we are setting off now, just rooting round for the DC to choose a toy each to take for the baby.

OP posts:
TheEagle · 18/02/2018 14:35

And fwiw, some of my friends have partners who wouldn’t be my cup of tea but when we meet up it’s still lovely to see my friends.

Bluntness100 · 18/02/2018 14:58

Is your friend really this much of a gutless wonder? Every wrong thing he's done to you you blame his wife. He can do no wrong apparently and his poor behavuour towards you he is not responsible for. He's some form of bullied husband who does only as his wife bids.

Or you're talking shite and he's responsible for his own actions.

Wonder which it is.

LoniceraJaponica · 18/02/2018 16:28

" I am one of the very few people he has had in his life for any significant length of time, and he relies on me, only a little, in the way a younger sibling might."

I suspect that the new wife might think of you as "competition" and she feels that she needs to put you down to feel superior to you. She might find the fact that you and your friend go back a long way a little intimidating.

RandomMess · 18/02/2018 16:33

Perhaps motherhood will help his wife mellow towards you. I wondered if she found your 2 DC a bit full on and off putting at earlier meet ups?

Sparkletastic · 18/02/2018 16:42

3pm is so not lunch. How rude of them. Can't imagine photo taking was either unexpected or an emergency.

pollythedolly · 18/02/2018 17:04

So? What's happening?

iMatter · 18/02/2018 19:04

I hope you are off your face in a pile of roast potatoes and having a fab time OP

NancyJoan · 18/02/2018 19:10

He’s not a friend anymore, OP

crocodarl · 18/02/2018 19:17

How was it, then?

Original poster
Nibblertron · 18/02/2018 20:29

Bluntness what are you on about??

Grin @iMatter

Crocodarl It was mixed. On the plus side, I guzzled half a bottle of buck’s fizz to hasten a squiffy coping strategy, and she had made a lovely cheese pie.
She was upstairs for the first hour and a half with baby, then came down by herself, yet baby was not asleep Confused
She barely glanced at our profferings, and I think she asked one question of us in our entire time there (we stayed 3 hours).

At one point, my friend wondered aloud how we had managed with twins in the early days with no support, but she kindly explained to him it was no more effort than having one child, apparently it just means that each child gets less cuddle time. Hmm
To which I smiled and nodded. Friend seemed delighted with proceedings and suggested doing it all again soon.

She apparently is off to her home country without him for 7 weeks in the summer. And also for a fortnight at Easter it seems. Which I thought a bit odd.

I am so relishing sittng on my own sofa now though.

OP posts:
TheEagle · 18/02/2018 20:35

I’m a mum of twins as well and people make those comments all the time.

Is this woman from a different culture to yours?

Cheese pie and home to your own couch sounds like an OK result though.

TheEagle · 18/02/2018 20:36

Twins rear each other anyway, isn’t that right OP Wink Grin

Original poster
Nibblertron · 18/02/2018 20:41

explained to him it was no more effort than having one child, apparently it just means that each child gets less cuddle time.

As I sit here, I’m getting more annoyed by this. When she said it, my first reaction was slight surprise and GUILT! I felt guilty that I probably didn’t / couldn’t cuddle my DC as much as I could have when they were small compared to if I’d only had one.

What a bizarre thing to say. Now I’m cross that I feel guilty!

OP posts:
Original poster
Nibblertron · 18/02/2018 20:44

Eagle, only a slightly different culture, she is Greek.

OP posts:
TheEagle · 18/02/2018 20:48

Listen, don’t give it a second thought! I know I cuddled my twins less than my singleton but I’m only one person and I only have 2 arms.

Maybe there’s a language barrier as well (not excusing the twins comment)? On the upside she’s off for 7 weeks Smile

RandomMess · 18/02/2018 20:50

She's a bit of a cow, ignore!!!

Tottyandmarchpane1 · 18/02/2018 20:52

Well he doesn’t really sound worth bothering with if you have been close and he couldn’t be bothered to let you know his baby had been born. Having a neighbour pop in for a quick cuppa is not the same as entertaining so I wouldn’t be offended about that. I’m sure she isn’t that bad - most people aren’t - maybe you are over sensitive as having played a role in his life which isn’t there anymore. Either way I wouldn’t bother again as he is not treating you well. She is not your friend so she has no responsibility to.

Aliasgrace1 · 18/02/2018 20:59

I'm a mum of twins too, okay maybe when they were tiny they got less cuddles, however, she will never get to experience how amazing double cuddles are Grin my two are 6 now, it goes so fast!

She sounds like a dick OP, sod her Wine

FeedtheTree · 19/02/2018 08:18

she kindly explained to him it was no more effort than having one child, apparently it just means that each child gets less cuddle time.

OP, I remember seething at the woman who informed me that my twins were no more wor than one baby. I could barely speak to her. Bumped into her again years later and she's lovely but at the time I thought she was the stupidest, most unempathetic person I'd ever met.