To not want to go for lunch

[Nibblertron]

We are invited for lunch at a (sort of) friend’s house today, and I can’t think of anything I would less like to do. I just said to DH I’d rather poo-pick the garden and he agreed and said there’s a hole in the wall he'd prefer to concrete in.

I just can’t cry off though, it would be too rude. Got to go, get flowers and wine, grin and bear it. Bah!

AIBU?

Maybe it’s 30 days Brutus. I forget now. Where the new mother just takes it easy and people help and bring food etc.

Except in our case it meant we weren’t allowed to visit, even though my friend wanted us to, yet their new next door neighbours that they had known for only a few weeks were invited by her. I’ve yet to work that one out.

Considering over the years I have only ever assisted my friend, and we are in no way hard work, I thought this a deliberate snub. I think we’re invited for lunch now because he’s pushed for it and she has no excuses left.

I love Arctic Roll.

Maybe just casually mention you were sad not to see the baby sooner? Just to clear the air.
The not being invited after the baby thing is in danger of becoming an elephant in the room. You really seem to be festering over that in particular!

It's rude to cancel at this late stage. You should have said 'no' in the first place or cancelled earlier in the week.

Well, I just got a call asking to push it back to 3pm. They are having baby photos taken apparently. How is that lunch? I have two 3 year olds. I will have to make them lunch here now. FFS.

If I knew that someone I’d invited to dinner, didn’t want to actually come so much that they’d consult social media in the way that you have, I’d tell you to FUCK OFF and never speak to you again.

Yabu. Shame on you....who needs friends like you, anyway?

I would send you friend a light hearted message back "get the feeling we're not really welcome LOL" see you at 3pm for cake and a cuppa as our DC will have had to have lunch before we come"

Breeze in And breeze back out..

Actually that now sounds like a total ball ache.

I'd say that 3pm doesn't really work for you due to the little ones and that you'll have to rearrange soon...

That’s weird. They must have known about the photos —if that’s true which I doubt—.

They had a massive row and she’s stormed off. He’s now got to cook and is panicking.

Safest thing is to text, ‘no worries, perhaps you’d like to postpone? Have to feed kids so please don’t cook for us now.’

Re the neighbours, they probably bumped into them and thought it polite to show who was waking them up every night and screaming all through Eastenders.

Maybe they’re making excuses too. Perhaps they got up this morning and we’re each saying “I’d rather plait fog than have him, her and their two kids over...”. Then took advice from social media.

I hardly ever make arrangements far in advance because I've got to know myself well over the years and know when the time comes I won't want coffee with x or to go on a big walk with y eye etc.

Why didn't your friend tell you the baby had been born?

She’s read this thread and is messing with your mind

In light of the update I would just tell them that 3pm doesn't work for you. I don't believe that this photo shoot was only arranged an hour ago.

Well that's annoying. And weird. Surely no one has an impromptu baby shoot on a Sunday that trumps a planned lunch?

I agree with pps, grab this chance to change it to a quick coffee and flowers handover.
Unfortunately I think she doesn't want to be friends with you and dh, she doesn't like her husband's friends. Which is a shame for him.

They've given you a get-out-of-lunch card; as someone said unthread, breeze in for tea and cake at 3 pm.

I once heard a quote, can't remember who said it, probably Oscar Wilde or someone like that -

"Never have lunch with anyone you don't want to have lunch with. They won't be nearly as disappointed as you're imagining."

So I would go with that if I was you.

If I knew that someone I’d invited to dinner, didn’t want to actually come so much that they’d consult social media in the way that you have, I’d tell you to FUCK OFF and never speak to you again.

Well, Suki, that makes you and I very different people, because I would be mortified and wonder what I’d done to make someone feel like that, and how I could fix it.

I like that quote crocodarl and I’m sure she would be delighted if I said we couldn’t make it. I probably should have seized the opportunity on the phone to say we couldn’t make 3pm, but I’m too obliging. More fool me I guess.

I think you should have jumped on that opportunity with both feet and said "Oh I'm sorry, my twins can't wait that long for lunch, let's do it another time since you already have something going on".

Apart from anything else, how VERY fucking rude of them to book the photographer at the time you were expected for lunch - she's really showing you where you sit in her priority list, isn't she?!

disappearingninepatch

I don’t know. I mean, who waits 6 weeks to tell someone a baby is born? Tme did tick on and I did wonder when it was due, but my life is quite busy and I just assumed it wasn’t yet born.

Especially when this is someone who, over the years, I have given somewhere to live, had them to dinner multiple times, looked after all their stuff for 10 years while they worked abroad, used to work with, provided a recent job reference for, and more I could waffle on about.

I can only assume he was silenced by his new wife.

Sorry, when I say their I mean him / his. I only met her perhaps a year ago.

Give her a chance. She might just be shy.

Thumbwitches yes, I’m kicking myself now. When the phone rang I was almost sure it was him and there was going to be a cancellation. I should have apologetically said no to the postponement.

Now we have to sit around waiting. I wanted to do other stuff today. DH is currently unblocking a drain outside the front window. He actually looks rather cheerful about it.

She might just be shy.

She’s not shy. First time she came here she asked to be shown round the house in the first few minutes.

He's not unblocking a drain. He's planning to get stuck in there so he can't go.