Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dp waking me up every weekend day

93 replies

taekwondo · 18/02/2018 06:00

We've just had a really big row at 5:30 on a Sunday!

Yesterday morning Dp woke me up by endlessly pestering for sex. This was about 5am!

He was supposed to work this morning so would be getting up at 5am. He woke at 5:30 and saw to ds (6) who is unwell, bearing in mind id already got up to see to him and gave him a drink about an hour earlier.

When dp came back to bed he put the laptop on and was watching a video. I said "what time is it" was ignored, checked the time, "it's 5:30, can you not turn that off?"

He wouldn't. I was getting more and more fed up and it's turned into an argument. Where he slammed the laptop closed, got up and turned on the light and started to work on his computer.

The argument went with him calling me nuts because I get up all week at 4:30 and wake him up as I leave the room. Bearing in mind he wakes at 5 to get up. And because I wake him at 4:30 all week it's perfectly acceptable that he's up at 5:30 on a fucking Sunday playing videos on and turning the light on!!!

I'm lazy for wanting to sleep for a little bit longer and lazy because he saw to ds who apparently I left in pain but he wasn't showing signs of discomfort when I saw to him.

Dp threw things at me, told me I'm a nuts and got so angry about me calling him selfish for his behaviour.

Aibu. It's 5:30 on a SUNDAY!! Every day of the weekend he wakes me up. I'm usually quiet about it, but he's so god dam selfish! But makes out it's ok because I'm up early all week. To me that's a reason to want to sleep in on at least one of the days!!

OP posts:
Original poster
taekwondo · 18/02/2018 06:04

For context dp isn't working today as he's not allowed, but is using it as a reason why it's perfectly fine to wake me because he'd have got up for work any way

OP posts:
NovemberWitch · 18/02/2018 06:05

I wake up that early most days, which is why I’m pottering about silently downstairs. If I need sounds, I use headphones. He’s a selfish arse, but it seems like there’s more going on in your relationship than a problem with early waking.

Original poster
taekwondo · 18/02/2018 06:06

@NovemberWitch it's all the time. That's the problem. It's a problem because I feel disrespected and undervalued and anything about me doesn't matter.

OP posts:
NovemberWitch · 18/02/2018 06:08

Sounds like you need to make that clear to him and how you need things to change if the relationship is going to continue.

Maatsuyker · 18/02/2018 06:10

Time for seperate bedrooms if he can't let you have a rest. Or put a mattress next to DS.

NovemberWitch · 18/02/2018 06:11

My children are adult, and OH often comes home late after concerts. We have to be mutually considerate, or the dynamics of the household would combust. You are not asking anything unreasonable, be awake, watch a dvd but Elsewhere. Not where he wakes you up.

NovemberWitch · 18/02/2018 06:12

Endlessly pestering for sex isn’t ok either. No is no, go back to sleep. How long have you been together?

DukeOfBurgundy · 18/02/2018 06:13

Waking you up is bad enough but he threw things? That's really not right.

Original poster
taekwondo · 18/02/2018 06:14

@NovemberWitch we've been together 7 years! I'm just tired and grumpy now. My Dbro is supposed to be visiting today as well and now dp is trying to "punish" me by saying he isn't welcome! I'm fed up and tired! Obviously dbro will still be coming, it's my home too!

OP posts:
Original poster
taekwondo · 18/02/2018 06:14

@DukeOfBurgundy yup, first a few socks and then a water bottle that narrowly missed my head! He was so angry!

OP posts:
NovemberWitch · 18/02/2018 06:18

Do you want to stay in the relationship? Because if things didn’t change radically after one conversation, I’d be dumping his arse. Yelling and aggressively throwing stuff is not acceptable in an adult.

Original poster
taekwondo · 18/02/2018 06:21

@NovemberWitch I am not sure. I love him but this selfishness is just a joke, I never wake and lay next to him watching things loudly and calling him nuts if he doesn't like it. I'm kind of sick of his behaviours at the moment, any argument we have I'm called "idiot, moron, psycho" before he finally gets to "this is why we can't be together because you disagree with x y z"

So anytime I disagree, we argue, I'm called names and then told he's leaving. I'm bored of it.

OP posts:
bastardkitty · 18/02/2018 06:22

Your partner is abusive.

SleepingInYourFlowerbed · 18/02/2018 06:29

That's not normal behaviour. He's controlling and abusive.

Canwejustrelaxnow · 18/02/2018 06:30

What a vile man. He actually threw things at you. That is not normal. I'm an early waker and I creep downstairs with my tablet and headphones. I would be looking to get out of this relationship. He is abusive.

NovemberWitch · 18/02/2018 06:34

He’s leaving? Good. Who owns the house, or rents it? Work out the finances and wave him goodbye. He’s acting like a stroppy teenager.

Maatsuyker · 18/02/2018 06:40

I think you should seriously reconsider the relationship. He doesn't respect you.

daisychain01 · 18/02/2018 06:41

any argument we have I'm called "idiot, moron, psycho" before he finally gets to "this is why we can't be together because you disagree with x y z". NO NO NO!! He shouldn't call you things like that, not only because it's nasty and spiteful, but calling anyone a moron nowadays just shows a complete lack of awareness about what is acceptable.

You deserve better. I cannot say LTB now, because i know it isn't that simple for you, but think long term whether you can break free. Start planning now because it won't get any better, and you'll wish you freed yourself up from his oppression sooner.

NancyJoan · 18/02/2018 06:43

He sounds hateful.

1ndig0 · 18/02/2018 06:45

The 5.30am waking is one thing, but I would be far more concerned that he sees fit to throw a water bottle at you. Does he often throw things at you?

gottachangethename1 · 18/02/2018 06:46

It’s a form of control and totally unacceptable. Ground rules need to be established, you are not asking for anything out of the ordinary.

ijustwannadance · 18/02/2018 06:46

Sounds to me like he was purposely trying to cause a fight. He could of used laptop somewhere else.

Is he looking for an excuse to leave and make it your fault? Is he always this abusive?

Averyyounggrandmaofsix · 18/02/2018 06:50

Slightly off topic but do you have neighbours? They must love the early wake up row too. Back on topic he's a selfish arse!

noodlezoodle · 18/02/2018 06:51

He wakes you up, calls you names, throws things at you and pesters you for sex? OP this doesn't sound like a safe or happy place for you to be.

Original poster
taekwondo · 18/02/2018 06:55

@Averyyounggrandmaofsix we do! It's never happened before thank fully.

And to other posters, there's little things in the relationship, like choosing a film at night, he'll choose 100% of the time because my suggestions are nullified.

Think this morning just added to my feeling of only he matters in the relationship.

When we first got together he was abusive, but won't admit to it as there are no lasting marks so "I never actually hurt you"

That hasn't happened for many years. But hasn't happened since, the throwing this morning was the first showing of it in about 5 years

OP posts:
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.