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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To let dd cry it out

81 replies

Gigimoll · 17/02/2018 20:46

Not sure what category to put this in.
It's my dd bedtime and I'm wondering if my last resort should be for me to be next to her always but let her cry it out. When she's tired she fights and she's sorted for nappy, food, teeth etc she's all good, there's nothing wrong, got enough comfort, she just won't settle off to sleep :( I'd never leave her side. I've tried white noise etc everything :(

OP posts:

Original poster

Gigimoll · 17/02/2018 20:47

She's 10 months and always fought sleep until she's passed out

OP posts:

Flipflopflipflap · 17/02/2018 20:52

I have no idea but don’t want to read and ignore. I assume their would be no harm in trying it? If it works it’s brilliant and if not you can stop anytime and change.

& for you op. It sounds tough x

skippykips · 17/02/2018 20:53

I would go in every 5/10 mins to try to calm her down, I think 10 months is quite young to let her cry it out for a long period of time.

Handsfull13 · 17/02/2018 20:53

We do cry it out with our twins and I see no harm in it if you know they don't need anything but sleep.
You can always try controlled crying
Good luck hope she sleeps

kaytee87 · 17/02/2018 20:55

If you're beside her (shushing and patting possibly too) then she's not actually crying it out as she's not being left alone to cry.

Does she have a dummy or comforter? How does she nap during the day? Usually getting the naps right really helps night time sleep.

Grilledaubergines · 17/02/2018 20:55

I would pop in her room every 5 mins or so to give reassurance, but then step away and close the door.

Original poster

Gigimoll · 17/02/2018 20:55

I'll always stay with her. She works herself up so much and gets so frustrated and frightened. I couldn't leave her. I'm just not sure what to do with her to make her happy at bedtime. She's so alert and wanting to get going all the time. She's my first and I've never known a baby like it but perhaps this is like all babies? I never want to dim her fire. But her sleep pattern worries me. She needs to grow and be healthy but she's more concerned with what's going on with DP cooking downstairs

OP posts:

Whowhatwhy · 17/02/2018 20:55

Hideous. Poor child.

throwcushions · 17/02/2018 20:55

What kind of cry is it? Hard crying?

Tistheseason17 · 17/02/2018 20:56

If you do it, please do properly.
Try 1 then 2, 4, 6, 8, 10 mins to a max of 12 mins each time.
Don't talk. Just rest your hand reassuringly on her tummy then leave the room.
Did it at 6mths with mine and both good within a week. It is hard, though. My heart ached x

Original poster

Gigimoll · 17/02/2018 20:57

She has both, she has a dummy and a little soft toy lamb that she loves and has always but for naps it's a constant fight. Despite her rubbing her eyes etc. I get the nap signal early and after 10 mins she drops off but its always this time. Proper sleep she just doesn't have any of it. 2 naps a day 2 hours long one in the late morning and another around 3pm

OP posts:

kaytee87 · 17/02/2018 20:57

@Whowhatwhy did you actually read the op or did you just want to be an arsehole to a struggling first time mother?
Op said she doesn't plan to leave the baby alone.

Original poster

Gigimoll · 17/02/2018 20:58

Why is this hideous? You say it like I'm abusing her I'm not leaving her side but just wondering what else I can do for her. I've done the routine etc and she's so tired now, I won't read her another book as I think it'll overstimulate her

OP posts:

kaytee87 · 17/02/2018 20:59

Could you try changing your bedtime routine a bit? Maybe she needs some wind down time in her room with the lights dimmed, you singing or reading a story?

ElphabaTheGreen · 17/02/2018 20:59

What does get her to sleep? If there's nothing else that will, then YANBU, as long as you stay with her. But if there is something that does reliably get her to sleep that you're trying to get rid of (e.g. feeding, rocking, co-sleeping etc) then YABU - she's too young.

I tried CC and CIO with DS1 - several times at different stages and it never worked, BTW. I fully regret ever doing it because I'm sure it's why he can still be clingy and afraid of the dark now at 5yo. Supported DS2 to sleep as long as he needed it and I don't regret it at all - he's now the more independent and better sleeper of the two.

Original poster

Gigimoll · 17/02/2018 21:00

Not hard crying. She would be if I left. We've tried before out of sight but never out the room. Just crying :( I just wish I could make her happy and settle

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Zintox · 17/02/2018 21:01

Ah both of mine were like that. I used a sling, breastfeeding to sleep, and daddy rocking them as ways to induce sleep. Mine just didn't like to sleep much at night and would do 11 hours in 24 including a nap. They just didn't need more. And fought it! They still do to be honest but once they get to 5 I can leave mine to go to sleep alone.
This too shall pass.

Original poster

Gigimoll · 17/02/2018 21:01

Literally nothing. Rocking doesn't help, feeding etc nothing. Tried singing gently, you name it. She likes to be cuddled to sleep which I've done but recently she's started to really hate it and slap me away etc and fight me :( she's not a cuddly baby at all

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fruityb · 17/02/2018 21:02

I too would leave her for short intervals and make the time longer between visits. I would step out myself as my DS never settled for a sleep if I was there as he’d just want to play!

You have my sympathy - my son has never napped well but he does sleep at night. He has been left to cry for short bursts when napping and it seems to have helped. It can become obsessive trying to get them to sleep so you have my absolute sympathy.

If she has all she needs and isn’t crying sounding like she wants to puke then I’d do it.

kaytee87 · 17/02/2018 21:02

How much time is there between the end of her last nap and bedtime? Could she be overtired? Can make them hyper at that age. Anymore than 3/4 hours might be pushing it at this age.

pastabest · 17/02/2018 21:03

What time are you actually putting her to bed?

At 10 months old my DD was still (just and so) on 3 naps a day but they totalled about 3.5 hours altogether, with the latest nap finishing no later than 4pm. Bed time was 6.30pm, any later and she became overtired and 'wired'.

Original poster

Gigimoll · 17/02/2018 21:04

The night waking doesn't bother me so much. I have no heating upstairs and our room is big enough for her to still be in. We're too uncomfortable to have her in her own room yet anyway, we like to check on her and have her close always. But in the night she needs comfort and me and dp are very happy to give her whatever she needs. She likes cuddles then so she comes into our bed. She loves nestling into dp and he stays awake or I will if she wants me and let her drift off again. It's just always this time and I don't know why. Im starting to think maybe it's a bit of separation anxiety with DP as I love this time with her. But she can't stand it when we aren't in the same room together with her

OP posts:

NauseousNancy · 17/02/2018 21:04

Is she sleeping well during the day? My 8 month old used to really really fight sleep but after some advise I realised she was hugely overtired as she wasn’t getting enough sleep. I roughly follow the 2/3/4 nap schedule and other than when she is unwell she goes down fine. Staying asleep is another matter....

I understand how soul destroying it is. It’s such hard work when you have a baby who doesn’t sleep, I completely sympathise and understand you wanting to give it a try. However, she is just a little baby and I think too young for any kind of controlled crying. If she is just unsettled you could try a kind of gradual retreat - but that won’t work if she is screaming and inconsolable. It’ll be hugely stressful for you too.

I have also tried everything. Two different white noise machines, music, nightlights, you name it, I’ve tried it. The only thing that has worked is sorting her naps, and having a consistent routine for going to bed.

Good luck x

Lindah1 · 17/02/2018 21:05

We've just done the ferber method controlled crying with our 7 month old. She was only sleeping for 3/4 hours a night. It took 2 nights. Go for it but do it properly

kaytee87 · 17/02/2018 21:05

@pastabest I'm sure my ds still had 3 naps totalling 3 hours at that age too. I always thought he was on the older side when dropping his naps though. He's 18 months and has only just dropped down to 1 nap now.

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