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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To let dd cry it out

81 replies

Gigimoll · 17/02/2018 20:46

Not sure what category to put this in.
It's my dd bedtime and I'm wondering if my last resort should be for me to be next to her always but let her cry it out. When she's tired she fights and she's sorted for nappy, food, teeth etc she's all good, there's nothing wrong, got enough comfort, she just won't settle off to sleep :( I'd never leave her side. I've tried white noise etc everything :(

OP posts:

kaytee87 · 17/02/2018 21:21

@Gigimoll this too shall pass
My ds is 18mo and the amount of phases we've been through, I can't even count. It always seems never ending at the time.

If it comes to it, just go to bed with her so you're both getting some sleep.

SaucyJack · 17/02/2018 21:22

I was just gonna say that she might be overtired.

But if you're doing all you can.... then you're doing all you can

This thing about sleeping like babies is bollocks. Some of them will always take a fist fight to the death to go down.

Original poster

Gigimoll · 17/02/2018 21:22

She's slowly falling asleep in DP's arms doing the same I was. I just don't think she wanted me :(

OP posts:

silkpyjamasallday · 17/02/2018 21:23

She sounds very like my DD, she always fought sleep and it was particularly bad around the 10 month mark for whatever reason. She started sleeping much better once she started walking at 11 months as she got more physically tired. To be honest she still isn't a great sleeper at 17 months (currently marauding around downstairs with us) but we are getting through it just about. If you are staying with her and comforting her it sounds like you can't do much else, maybe a longer period of winding down time before bed? It's hard OP, but everything with babies is just a phase and will eventually pass

silkpyjamasallday · 17/02/2018 21:24

Dd also went through a long period of favouring her daddy, it hurts a little bit I know OP, but try not to take it personally.

kaytee87 · 17/02/2018 21:24

@Gigimoll it's totally ok that she 'didn't want' you, it's because she's so secure in your love for her. You're doing a great job mama.

Nyetimber · 17/02/2018 21:24

Being beside her when sleep training might make it harder for both of you. She’ll see you and be confused and cross and carry on for longer. It would be better to sit outside the room with the door shut. It takes about three nights for it to transform sleep patterns.

Original poster

Gigimoll · 17/02/2018 21:28

Thank you I think this is the fussy stage isn't it and the growth spurt. But she's always been for him, she's a proper daddies girl. But she looks to me in a different way I think, for comfort where as he will play with her more etc I play with her with her toys etc but he makes her laugh etc. Because I work and he's at home he realises now what makes her happy whereas I'm at work away from her which I hate :( ill be happy when the roles reverse there. But she is getting I think separation anxiety when me and dp are apart. It's constant screaming, crying until we're together again. Is that normal?

OP posts:

kaytee87 · 17/02/2018 21:32

Totally normal! My ds is different with my dh and I too. It's really good for them to form different relationships with different people and also express their preferences for who they want at that moment (even if it stings), shows she's growing into her own person.

fruityb · 17/02/2018 21:32

The 2,3,4 people have mentioned worked for me at that age. He occasionally had a power nap at about 5 for twenty to thirty minutes! I’d just gone back to work at just shy of ten months and he had it till he was about one.

jesuislepp · 17/02/2018 21:32

Every baby is different but maybe she is undertired at bedtime? Napping until 4-5 is quite late imo. I follow the 2/3/4 routine and it works for my baby.

for you. It’s so tough!

pastabest · 17/02/2018 21:34

Very normal at this age Gigimol. They are starting to realise that people go away and can leave them but they aren't old enough to understand that generally they also eventually come back!

She will probably change again in a few weeks. They are growing and changing and developing really quickly and complexly at this age. It's also really really normal for them to have a sleep regression between 8-10 months too.

Samewitches · 17/02/2018 21:35

My dd was like this, she didn't want holding and rocking, she started fighting me away, she was thoroughly pissed off with me going back into her room every 5 minutes. She NEEDED to be left alone to sleep, the first time I did it out of anger really, knew she was tired but wouldn't settle despite me trying everything for months on end. I was angry so I walked away and within 15 mins or so she was asleep! So I left the next night and the next and she wanted it, even now at 4yrs even if she's feeling unwell or we're away from home in a strange environment she needs me to put her to bed and leave her. She can't sleep on the sofa or in my bed next to me (although she always has been able to if she wakes in the night, she'll get in with us or get put on the sofa if she's ill and will happily go straight back to sleep). Some kids need to be left alone to sleep, I wish I'd realised that was the case for dd much sooner!

frigginell · 17/02/2018 21:35

YABU. The appropriate response to a crying child that age is contact comfort from a primary caregiver.

Pinkponiesrock · 17/02/2018 21:35

My DD was the same, didn’t want fed, cuddles, rocked or anything, it was more like she wanted to be asleep already and got grumpy up waiting for it come.
I used to sit beside her cot patting out a heartbeat rhythm on her back, boomboom, boomboom, boomboom
That seemed to help settle her a bit and calm her enough to drift off.

Mummaofboys · 17/02/2018 21:35

I wouldn’t control cry, when a child learns through the controlled crying route all they think is ‘no point crying nobody will come’ it’s not good for their self esteem as they grow older knowing their needs are not met. I know lots won’t agree but as you asked people’s opinions this is mine. I would feed to sleep and use white noise but very loudly, white noise needs to be so loud it muffles every other sound. My first son was a nightmare he didn’t sleep u till 18months so I know how you feel. You know what feels right for your family, trust your instincts.

PassiveAggressivePamela · 17/02/2018 21:35

Another one sending support, my DS (now 3.5) was a truly awful sleeper. Bad naps, bad night sleep. He never napped at all unless he was moving - he fought sleep constantly, I’d have to push him in the buggy in the kitchen for 20 minutes and he’d nap for 20, and wake up clearly still tired. At night, he was up every 45 mins to an hour. It was truly horrible being yanked out of sleep time and time again.

Have you got the Wonder Weeks app? It’s helpful in telling you when these ‘leaps’ take place.

PassiveAggressivePamela · 17/02/2018 21:37

^^forgot to say - I never let him CIO though, personally I just couldn’t, I was so tired though I wouldn’t judge those who give one of the more gentle types a go.

seven201 · 17/02/2018 21:38

We did controlled crying from about 8 months. My presence made my dd worse and she would cry for hours if I was there. For us cc was a saviour and I wish I'd done it sooner. I never wanted to do cc but it was the only solution that worked for us. I bought so many sodding books about how to get her to sleep and tried everything (and consistently) and she was just so angry with whatever I tried. Every child is different so you need to find something that works for you both.

Original poster

Gigimoll · 17/02/2018 21:39

I feel like people didn't read it properly.. I'm trying to comfort her. But I'm at wits end for what to do now she's sorted and needs sleep. Not leaving her and not comforting her.

OP posts:

annieannietomjoe · 17/02/2018 21:40

My DS has always been a terrible sleeper...at 10 months I did CC (leave for 2 mins, 4 mins...up to 10) - took 3 or 4 nights and he could be put in his cot and fall asleep on his own (only at night, not naps). This worked for a few months but after travelling at xmas this has stopped working - don't have it in me to do it again so trying gradual retreat method and it seems to be working...there is still some tears and it is not as fast as CC but we seem to be getting there. Now at the door so not many more steps to go. Sleeping has always been one of the most challenging part of motherhood - not my sleep but getting DS to sleep - you have to do what you feel comfortable with. Good luck!

WonderTweek · 17/02/2018 21:41

I do feel for you. It's tough isn't it? I think there's a thing called the 8/9/10 month sleep regression too which may be keeping your little one up too? We had a horrible time from about 7 months until 10-ish months. Baby would not sleep, woke up 10 times a night and didn't nap. It coincided with learning to stand as well so baby was constantly standing in his cot instead of sleeping, despite being exhausted. It did pass in the end though, and I'm sure it will get easier for you too.

We considered controlled crying but I ended up crying myself whenever baby cried. I read about the disappearing chair/gradual retreat technique and ended up doing a variation of it for three nights until baby settled and got the hang of bedtime. There was barely any crying and nights have got significantly better. I'm not sure how much of this is down to the gentle sleep training that I did or whether it was just "time" to our baby to start sleeping better but it certainly didn't hurt us and we didn't have to resort to crying it out. Good luck to whatever you choose to do! Sleep problems are awful and tend to take over your life.

stellenbosch · 17/02/2018 21:44

Does she have reflux?

Abetes · 17/02/2018 21:45

I think that nap times might be the problem. At that age my dd would wake at 7am, nap at 9am for 45 mins, nap at 12.30 for 1.5 or 2 hours (always woken by 2.30 if she wasn’t awake) and then bed at 7/7.30pm. So she had a long time to get tired between end of last nap and bed. I think two long naps at the times you are doing then mean that she is not tired enough to sleep all the way through the night.

Original poster

Gigimoll · 17/02/2018 21:48

Oh gosh yes, I forgot about the sleep regression at this point. :( I will look into that app :)

OP posts:

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