To let dd cry it out

[Gigimoll]

Not sure what category to put this in.
It's my dd bedtime and I'm wondering if my last resort should be for me to be next to her always but let her cry it out. When she's tired she fights and she's sorted for nappy, food, teeth etc she's all good, there's nothing wrong, got enough comfort, she just won't settle off to sleep :( I'd never leave her side. I've tried white noise etc everything :(

It doesn't sound like enough daytime naps, IIRC, so, yes, over-tired at bedtime therefore wired. Naps should be two to 2.5 hours after waking at this age, I think? Should be three naps a day based on that. I think they drop to two naps at 9-10mo (I'm getting hazy on this, though).

If you can't get her to sleep in the cot at the times she should be napping, then go for a drive in the car or walk in the pram to see if that knocks her out at the right point, just to set her nap times.

Maybe a later bedtime if she isn’t tired yet?

My boys were always in bed for 7 but dd is 16 months and doesn’t ever tire before midnight. Just how she is.

Definitely don’t cry it out without googling the damage it causes and being happy to proceed. However, sitting with her and letting her cry whilst you pat her and reassure her isn’t CIO.

She wakes up around 4 half 4 in the afternoon sometimes 5. But then I'll leave dinner half hour later. But always in bed around 8pm after a bath, gentle baby massage and a book and bottle etc. If I put her any earlier she wakes at 11 til 2

Op could you try dh doing bedtime for a week to see if it helps? Or even both of you?

My DS used to always cry a little bit before going to sleep - he grew out of it, I would say around 12-18m.
I couldn't always rock him as he is a twin so I had two babies to settle at once (I was always in the room but not always next to his cot).
So, yes OP I would try your idea.

I thought it was still crying it out if you were next to them, just not speaking etc? I'm comforting but not giving her too much interaction so she knows its bedtime.

I'd never leave the room for her to cio. Personally I think it's so damaging. Especially with her, she would be in such a state

Years ago (10) now but I did the gradual in the room sitting quietly & gradually moving closer to the door not, silent pick up & settle down.

To the judgemental 'hideous' poster-do you have any idea how important proper sleep is to a baby's development? I suppose you think that a screaming hysterical overtired baby is better, as long as you can smugly pat yourself on the back. Do fuck off with your nasty unkind remarks and perhaps try some sympathetic support to a desperate first time mum. I'm so sick of judgemental narrow minded crap from people who think a baby's entire wellbeing depends on never crying, regardless if they are chronically, desperately sleep deprived.

Rant over.

CIO definitely worked for both my dds, far younger than ten months.
I would put them down to sleep, making sure then needed nothing, first day five mins crying, second three, third none.
Slept through ever since.
Cumatively far less crying than a child who's never left to cry. And a good nights sleep for everyone.

It doesn't work for all though.

OP, have strength, you will get there I know it's so hard, but we (speaking as another first time mum with a baby who just won't sleep...!) will get there one day.

Echoing what Tistheseason has said, try controlled crying but with the comforting at the proper intervals without talking or picking up.

I'm on night two of doing with this my 6 month old and it's bloody hard, I won't lie, but I've exhausted all other means to get my LO to sleep and this seems to be a tried and tested method that I've had recommended that does get babies off to sleep. Last night was the most sleep my LO has had since she was born, and whilst it was horrendous listening to her cry, with the regular comforting intervals like the PP has described, she did learn to sooth herself to sleep.

Either way I hope you find a solution that works for you xx

Thing is she just doesn't nap. Only those times twice. She's just too alert and there's so much fight. Which I don't want to dim at all, I'm glad she's so determined etc. But this, sleep is important and for the life of me I can't understand why.

I need to have around 4 hours between last nap and bedtime for my little one. Her nap schedule is roughly:

7am wake
9-10 nap
1-3 nap
7 bedtime

This is fairly fluid - but roughly always the same time scale. I don’t let her nap past 3.30. I know this wouldn’t work for all babies, but it does for mine.

CIO is leaving the room and never going in.

You're describing the first stage of gradual withdrawal if you're sitting next to her.

There is no cry-free sleep training method, so they could all be called 'cry it out' on that basis, really.

Miserable time. Reason #4776534 why I stopped at two DCs.

Yeah Kaytee it was around 11 - 12 months when she routinely dropped to two naps of 1.5 hours each. Bedtime remains 6.30pm though.

Was going to suggest Pick Up Put Down as a kinder alternative, but for that to work you need them to be falling asleep in your arms.
Your DD sounds like my DS. He would and still does fight sleep for all he was worth. In the end I found sitting in a rocking chair was the only thing. It was wicker and made a huge creaking noise - so blocked out all other sounds. He would sit up away from me but the rocking motion would force him to relax onto me. These things combined would get him off to sleep.

It was my emergency method of getting him to sleep until he was a little older and happy with falling asleep to a bedtime story.

Read the book Sleeping Through the Night. It changed our lives. It basically says to put them to bed then leave and go back in after 5, 10, 15 minutes etc. It's hard to do but after 4 nights my DS understood it was bedtime and stopped crying and just fell asleep. We did it at 12 months because I couldn't co-sleep anymore (he was waking up constantly) and so far it's been much better. He will wake in the night sometimes but usually goes back to sleep without us intervening.
I know some people think it's horrible but it's easy to judge others when it's not your problem. Good luck OP.

Thank you @amatree
I was actually really offended by it

What time are you putting her down to bed OP? At 10 months if she is having 2 good naps in the day could it be that she's just not quite tired enough to go to sleep yet? This happened to both of mine around this age until they were ready to transition to 1 nap (a few months later). The classic sign of them not being tired enough was them kicking off at bedtime. Just adjusting it by 30 mins might make all the difference.

Or perhaps she is going through some developmental leaps - there's a big one around 9 months & this can disrupt sleep for a while. Maybe worth posting on the sleep boards for more advice.

If these possibilities are also ruled out, then what you are doing - staying to comfort your dd while she settles is in no way cry it out - so please don't think it is. CIO is leaving a baby to cry for long periods until it gives up crying because it learns that no-one will come. This is not what you have described.

OP you sound like you genuinely have your baby's best interests at heart and what you're suggesting isn't CIO as others have said. You are her mum, she knows you love her and you aren't suggesting just abandoning her. You sound like an amazing mum doing her best with a very hard situation.

She usually wakes half 4 and I'll put her to bed at 8pm. The thing is, her eyes roll back, she rubs her eyes etc she just won't allow herself too.

My son did the same thing at 9 months. Suddenly he couldn't self settle. I used the Brazelton method. First night you go in every 5 minutes, don't speak, just pat, pat, pat them with a quiet Shhh shhh for 5 minutes then quietly walk out. Two nights later extend it to 10minutes out, 5 minutes in. Two nights then 15 out/5 in. You get the drift. We never got past 15 minutes before he started soothing himself to sleep.

Now he'd been a good sleeper before, so for him it was just remembering how. If your DD has never been a good sleeper you may need to adjust the schedule to make it longer between upping the time alone.

Controlled crying and gradual retreat do work! Try singing to her too. I've been there, twice.

I would try an early morning nap (8.30ish) , a lunchtime nap (12 ish) and a later afternoon nap (3pm ish) and a 7pm bedtime op. I suspect from what you are saying her naps are possibly too far apart during the day and she's getting overtired to the point of wired at bedtime.

It seems odd for an adult but more frequent rest during the day at that age often leads to better sleep at night.

If she still wakes up at 11pm that's the time to shush her and try your gradual withdrawal method.

Look up the 2,3,4 method. Really worked for us, my little one is one but been doing this since 6months. She needs to be going down for her afternoon nap earlier so awake by 3, then you should be able to get her down for 7. Could you just sit in the room with her, maybe some white noise until she goes off. Good luck!

Have you tried putting her down earlier, before you see tired signals, and leaving the room? Not just being out of sight but actually leave and shut the door?

My oldest who is now 3 was like this. I got all the hideous, CIO is cruelty comments etc. But what actually ended up being the truth is that he is an extrovert and with anyone around he can't calm himself down. He needs 5 minutes of crying and alone time to wind down and sleep. Some days he full on has a full alarm screaming fit and others he has a bit of a whinge. It depends on how his day has been. I go in after 5 minutes if he's not calming and do hugs and kisses, then leave. If I stayed he would still be up at midnight.

At that age I'd put him in the cot with toys about half an hour early, he'd play, cry for 5 minutes because he did still want to party on, and then he'd calm down and go to sleep. He has a nightlight and now 2 years on its still the same toys and play in bed, cry a bit because he doesn't want to sleep and then he sleeps all night. Even his baby sister crying doesn't wake him.

People judge what they don't understand but not every kid is the same.