Bloody dh, aibu?

[FlopsyMcDoodle]

Staying with my dm at the moment - 2 dc’s 5yo and 2yo, both obsessed with trains. My dm doesn’t really have any kids stuff around and her house is very much an adults house - lots of ornaments, breakables, lovely furniture, generally just fairly stressful with 2 young dc.

She dug ou a few toys that my siblings and I had left - dolls house, bit of brio and my dbro’s old electric trainset. Dc2 has been loving the trains from the electric trainset but keeps getting cross because they don’t connect properly. They’re only really designed to stay together on the proper track which is too fiddly for dc2. He kept getting cross so I said I’d put it away and get it out again when he’s older. I haven’t seen it for a couple of days so assumed either dh or dm had put it back in the loft. Dm asked me where it was today, I said I didn’t know, dh said ‘oh I threw it in the bin.’ Dm then went rummaging through the bins but bins collected yesterday and looks like they’re gone .

Dh hasn’t apologised and doesn’t see what the problem is. He thinks it’s just junk so he threw it away. Dm is upset but wouldn’t say anything. Aibu to think dh has been really fucking rude? You don’t just chuck away other people’s stuff because it’s annoying your kid. I’m bloody mortified and think he needs to apologise and replace it.

[GummyGoddess]

Of course he'd say that you're making it worse, probably because it's dawning on him that he's been a complete idiot and he doesn't want to think about it.

[Canadalife]

I am shocked. It was not his property. He has been so so rude. I am amazed at the situation. I would be so upset if someone did that and throw away so many memories that are not his to dispose of....appalling...

[KateGrey]

Even if he feels it’s stupid it’s important to you and your mum and he should feel awful that he’s upset. I’d be chucking something out of his and not give a shit and see how he likes it. Insensitive not to mention rude bastard.

[mumonashoestring]

Simply put - it doesn't matter if he understands attachment or not, he's been repeatedly told that others form sentimental attachments to items. It's common for items from childhood to be retained because they have sentimental value. And the things he disposed of were not his to dispose of. The world is not arranged to suit him. He needs to apologise and put more effort into considering others in the future.

[AnnieAnoniMouse]

Seriously, that level of disrespect, belligerence and stupidity would be the end of my marriage. There’s no way I’d put up with that.

[rascallyrascal]

If you are reading this husband- you were a fool and utterly awful. Apologise now and do something nice for your mother in law.

[justforthisnow]

Has he used the phrase "banging on about it"?
Fn hate that.
Make him search the recycle centre for them. That's awful, and beyond rude.
How very dare he.

[Qvar]

OP seriously, you CAN do better. Your poor mum.

[VladmirsPoutine]

Don't show him the thread. You never know when you might be in need of other type of advice.

[ChasedByBees]

What was he thinking? He wouldn’t do that to his boss or a friend. It’s hugely disrespectful. I hope you’ve spoken to your mum.

[Katedotness1963]

Unbelievably selfish! It wasn't his to throw away, it wasn't even in his bloody house. What a twat.

[Qvar]

Oh btw, we'll all be bitch harpy fat lesbians according to your delight of a husband, because he will not want you to listen to anything we say. His narrative of "you're making it worse, shut up" will be the only narrative he wants taken seriously"

because someone controlling enough to bin someone else's sentimental item and then blame YOU for "making it wirse" is also controlling enough to attempt to stop you listening to everyone else telling you he's a shit.

[kaytee87]

@VladmirsPoutine op can name change

[kaytee87]

@Qvar exactly. I can just imagine he'll say 'they're all moany women though'.
Ops DH, just to clarify, my husband thinks you're a dick too.

[SundaysFunday]

Your DM has kept toys her children played with for all these years, and he's thrown away your brothers train-set.

Why would he do that? Your poor DM.

I really hope this is a wind up, if not your DH is a knob.

[PragmaticWench]

If be deeply concerned on two levels.
Firstly that he doesn't know that you don't throw away other people's possessions.

Secondly, he doesn't have or (more worryingly) understand attachment. That second point is disturbing.

[Amatree]

What a horrible, horrible thing to do. Your poor mum
I honestly think you should be asking your husband to leave your mums house. She is being a saint not to have chucked him out herself, obviously biting her tongue for your benefit. You can't undo what your vile husband has done but you can make a clear stand now.
And telling you not to go on about it...wow. Unless this is far enough from him normal personality for you to ge frantic with worry, I would be seriously reconsidering spending the rest of my life with someone so cold and nasty.

[SteamTrainsRealAleandOpenFires]

Mr Flopsy...YOU'RE AN ARSE!

[CheeseGirl4]

OK, giving him the benefit of the doubt for a minute...even if for some reason he thought it was no longer wanted and it could be thrown away, you have pointed out to him that was not the case. He KNOWS your Mum is upset and he STILL refuses to acknowledge he's made a mistake and should apologise? That is a sign of great emotional immaturity, amd honestly, it worries me. His views do not take precedence to someone elses just because he did not mean to cause upset.

[ScrommidgeClaryAndSpunt]

Bang out of order. You don't just chuck other people's stuff out. It doesn't matter whether you "get" sentimentality or not. You just don't do it.

[SundaysFunday]

I've just run this by my DH (in case I'm just being a sentimental woman) and he thinks your DH is an arse.

[Bluelady]

My husband is incandescent on your behalf. He says he's an arse.

[heyhosilver]

That is SO rude! Can't believe he thinks it's ok to throw out someone else's possessions?!

[ReanimatedSGB]

It's time to have a serious think about remaining married to this shitty, spiteful, selfish man. He is all of those things. I bet it won't take you very long to compile a list of times he has destroyed, lost or damaged other people's property and either mocked or criticized them for complaining. I bet he's been brutally rude to people on several occasions and told them it's just him being honest.
I bet he always has to have his own way, be obeyed, be deferred to, be accepted when he's hurting other people's feelings because 'that's just the way I am.'

He's a bully. He's going to get worse as DC get bigger. Your poor DS is going to feel that the loss of the trains is his fault, as well.