To get so angry I smashed crockery?

[Ultrasonica]

Name changed for this. DH unilaterally decides to play "professional" poker instead of getting a job to pay me back the £250k he owes me. He wants to turn it into a loan instead. We've been backwards and forwards on trying to find to an agreement for weeks. He had no idea how angry I was as I have been trying to discuss it all calmly. I lost it just now and smashed a lot of crockery. AIBU?

We don't have joint finances. We are married. There is no "family money". He has his. I have mine. Lots of marriages operate this way.

What is his profession that he could guarantee being able to get a mortgage for 250k?
Also how long do you have to be employed for before anyone will give you a mortgage?
Isn't it a couple of years?

JUST sell the house
Quite simple really
Oh and leave your dp

Think the house needs to go on the market.

But OP that’s my point. The house is bought now. You can’t phone the bank up and ask for the offer back after it’s purchased. Their offer was for the purchase.

I recently remortgaged and borrowed some extra (not a huge amount, about £50k) got renovations. That wasn’t straight forward but the company did allow it. They don’t give you a mortgage for equity release nowadays

Bluelady the law would see your assets as joint if you separated, though. It does not matter who pays what in the marriage, you both own assets and debts jointly.

Get the house signed over to you. Make sure you are legally covered.

Make sure he can’t access any of your money.

Personally I’d be ending the relationship because it doesn’t sound anything like a partnership but if you are staying together make sure you cover yourself legally.

Get proper legal advice I’d have him pay rent so that he cannot claim on the house later. This is not a man to be trusted with money.

Is he one the deeds!!???

Op. I wasn't suggesting you get a mortgage, I said why don't you borrow against the house.

So you can take a business loan out and use thr house an security as you have enough equity in it.

In addition as he was made redundant he would have to be in new employment for some considerable time before he got another mortgage offer. And he'd have to find a job, start it etc. So it wasn't happening any time soon anyway.

So you spent £500k renovating a house that’s going to be fully yours. Finish with him, sell the house, save your plates.

My suggestion. Is because uou don't want to sell. You don't have to.

Cherrycoke
Of course you can raise a mortgage against an unmortgaged property! You don’t just get them to buy a house!

Be nice to him. Very nice.
Do what you initially agreed. That the mortgage goes into your sole name.
Be sure that his name isn’t in the deeds.
Then LTB.

Because otherwise, you will have paid for everything and he will get half of the house. Just like this, wo lifting a finger.
No wonder he is happy playing poker instead of finding a job!

Ours only lent for renovations Yorkshire. OP has said he had an agreement in principle before the house was purchased. Obviously you could get a loan secured against the house for anything, but that’s unlikely to be available for so much money

Get the paperwork done so house is undoubtedly and indisputably yours and yours alone and nothing to do with Fuckwit. Then tell Fuckwit to go and play professional poker in a bedsit of his choice.

Get house signed over, kick him out, sell it.
I'd have smashed the plates over his head, useless twat

Does the house already have a mortgage on it? Because the mortgage company may have something to say about trying to change the joint ownership into a solo ownership - the OP said they couldn't get a mortgage on their own?

Did you mention this previously OP, the poker playing sounds familiar.

You are in an incredibly vulnerable position right now. I think you are currently too angry to see just how vulnerable.

The house needs signing over to you ASAP. Before anything else happens. Please don’t argue anymore.

Don’t do anything else to deteriorate your relationship from his perspective. He needs to feel enough of a bond with you not to betray you more than he just has.

You need him off the house ownership. Before it gets nasty/ nastier. Don’t trust him on this. Don’t trust his word. Nicely and politely get his signature.

(But smash all the crockery you like in private).

OP, well done for being so strong.

I'd suggest asking him to go somewhere else for the weekend whilst you think. This is a huge decision to make.

You either have two choices. Keep him or bin him.

If you want to keep, you have to show him you mean business. He's out until he finds a job - simple. You're not his Mummy anymore and he's riding fucking first class aboard the Gravy Train. I'm bloody pissed off for you.

Bin him - tell him to pack his bags, sign his name over and get the fuck out of your life. Look into taking money out against the house, maybe 50 to start with? See how that goes. Worst comes to worst, sell up?

The commonly-held view that parties to a marriage no longer have separate finances is a myth.

YANBU to be furious. I remember your thread about this. Your supposed 'd'p is taking advantage here and is demonstrating exactly how not to work as a team.

How attached to the house are you? Would you sell it once it's been transferred over? If not, is he going to be paying any rent?

I personally would be selling this house, buying one outright in your name only and either ending the relationship or taking it back a step so he's not living in my house