Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get so angry I smashed crockery?

111 replies

Ultrasonica · 16/02/2018 21:32

Name changed for this. DH unilaterally decides to play "professional" poker instead of getting a job to pay me back the £250k he owes me. He wants to turn it into a loan instead. We've been backwards and forwards on trying to find to an agreement for weeks. He had no idea how angry I was as I have been trying to discuss it all calmly. I lost it just now and smashed a lot of crockery. AIBU?

OP posts:
RemainOptimistic · 16/02/2018 21:53

Still doesn't make sense. What was in it for DP in the original arrangement? Why would he go into debt of 250k to renovate a house that he doesn't own? It makes no sense.

Foodylicious · 16/02/2018 21:53

Why is he not working already?
Or did he do the work on the house himself?

You say 'our house' so do you already have a joint mortgage or do you both or one of you own it outright?

Original poster
Ultrasonica · 16/02/2018 21:54

Pengggwn sorry, trying to explain, still pretty angry. Hope it's all clearer now.

OP posts:
stickytoffeevodka · 16/02/2018 21:56

Well, if he's signing the house over to you, surely he doesn't owe you anything?

You've just paid 250k to buy and renovate your own place haven't you?

Whatshallidonowpeople · 16/02/2018 21:57

Why would you buy a house in joint names if he hadn't put any money in?

GreenTulips · 16/02/2018 21:57

Smashing c rockery is good for your sole - perfectly acceptable!

When he signs the house over - use it as capital to find a business

Original poster
Ultrasonica · 16/02/2018 21:57

Foodylicious

He had a job, got made redundant unexpectedly during the 6 month renovations. He didn't do any of the work personally, we hired a builder to do that. We bought the house in joint names but using solely my cash because the plan was that he would get a mortgage to pay for his half once the work was completed and the house had been valued. He had been pre-approved on his salary for a 250k mortgage.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 16/02/2018 21:58

He's giving uou his share of the house back, I'm not sure of the issue either?

EmyRoo · 16/02/2018 21:58

Could he ever have afforded £250k renovations himself? It’s madness.

Original poster
Ultrasonica · 16/02/2018 22:00

Whatshallidonowpeople

Why would you buy a house in joint names if he hadn't put any money in?

Because we planned to mortgage it once it was renovated and I couldn't get a mortgage in my sole name. He has agreed to transfer the house back into my sole name so that isn't the issue, it's the fact that my capitol is now locked up in the house.

OP posts:
EmyRoo · 16/02/2018 22:00

X-post, if he is offering to sign the house to sole ownership by you, there is no problem then?

Original poster
Ultrasonica · 16/02/2018 22:01

Bluntness100 the issue is that although I will own up the whole house I cannot get access to my £250,000 to run my business unless I sell the house, whereas the original plan was he would get a mortgage and pay me the £250,000.

OP posts:
EmyRoo · 16/02/2018 22:02

X-post again. So he was going to mortgage so you could have a renovated house and capital for your business? Bank loan for the business?

mumspice · 16/02/2018 22:03

I think I get it

OP bought a house but put it in joint names with her H.
DH is supposed to get a job and a mortgage to pay for half the house.
Gets job, gets approved for mortgage, loses job...

...and has now decided to play "professional poker" as a job instead, so will lose mortgage offer and , lets face it, never pay any money towards the house.

Snowysky20009 · 16/02/2018 22:03

Can you even do it that way- buy, do the work, then get a mortgage for half of it? I've never heard of that?

Bluntness100 · 16/02/2018 22:04

Why can't uou borrow against the house for your business?

Original poster
Ultrasonica · 16/02/2018 22:04

Foodylicious he didn't want to move out. Wants the cake of a freshly renovated house and to eat it by playing poker instead of getting a job. Part of the reason I'm so angry is that he broke my trust by not looking for another job.

OP posts:
Cherrycokewinning · 16/02/2018 22:04

What would the mortgage before though? What would he tell the mortgage company? I need £250k for a house already paid for? They don’t let you mortgage a house for anything.

So if he’s signed the house back to you what you’re saying is you don’t want the house, you want the cash back? Seems fair enough. Still not
Convinced he ever would’ve got the mortgage though?

Original poster
Ultrasonica · 16/02/2018 22:04

Bluntness100 I work freelance and my salary isn't regular enough to qualify for a mortgage.

OP posts:
Cherrycokewinning · 16/02/2018 22:05

Bluntness think OP said she can’t get a mortgage

GreenSeededGrape · 16/02/2018 22:05

I think the issue is clear as you stated in your second post.

Would you consider selling and dumping dp?

mumspice · 16/02/2018 22:05

First things first OP. Get the house signed over to you. Iron clad.

Then see if you can get any money released in any other way other than selling. How much collateral will you have?

WineAndTiramisu · 16/02/2018 22:05

Bluntness100 because then she'd be paying it back, and her DP would be paying nothing...

I'd leave him, sell the house, buy one for 250k, and use the rest for your business?

Pengggwn · 16/02/2018 22:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Ultrasonica · 16/02/2018 22:07

Cherrycokewinning. I wouldn't have used all of my money to buy and renovate the house. I only did it on the basis that when the project was finished he would pay for half of it. The bank had already approved the mortgage and he was on £80K a year so there was no problem in him borrowing £250k to buy a £500k house.

OP posts: