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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU re: wedding venue

89 replies

pizzaandcoke · 16/02/2018 14:12

Hi

Need some advice on if Im being unreasonable

Myself and my fiance booked our wedding venue a few weeks ago. The owners of the venue are selling it on next year and so they are offering good discounts on weddings held this year. We have visited several venues and even booked a different one, but when I viewed this one I just fell in love. It is perfect, unique, charming and like I said, an excellent price.

We booked it on a Saturday and I came into work the following Monday and told my work colleagues about it and showed them some photos. The next weekend a woman who I work with got engaged. She hasn't worked with us long but we get on well.

Anyway, to cut a long story short she has now booked our wedding venue for her own wedding after I told her where we were getting married. She went to look at it (and didnt tell me she was going to) and then came into work and said they had 'provisionally' booked in. I dont know what that means because I know the venue takes a £500 deposit that is non refundable but whatever. She asked if I was okay with it and I didn't really know what to say, I said I wasn't in a position to tell her where to have her wedding. She said not to worry as they were going to look at more venues anyway.

Now they have properly booked it and not only that, they have booked it literally a week before our wedding. This is obviously going to cause problems with having annual leave as we aren't allowed to have two people off at once in our office (although I requested mine first), not only that but we are both inviting our work colleagues to our weddings meaning they are going to have to make a three hour journey to the venue twice in the space of one week.

AIBU? I was so excited for this venue and now I just feel deflated.

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 16/02/2018 14:15

I've been to a few weddings at the same venues. Wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

expatinscotland · 16/02/2018 14:17

So get stuck in and book your leave now. You don't own the venue. No one cares if they go there more than once.

Original poster
pizzaandcoke · 16/02/2018 14:19

I never said I owned the venue.

I feel bad that my colleagues are going to have to do a three hour drive to come to my wedding when they have done the same thing literally the week before.

It's not so much about the venue as the fact that the two dates are so close.

But maybe I am being unreasonable in feeling this way.

OP posts:
44PumpLane · 16/02/2018 14:20

Best mate does it YANBU

New random work colleague YABU

Badwifey · 16/02/2018 14:21

Bit precious if you ask me. If you've already had your leave booked then just get over it. Surely this is something she considered before booking herself.

piratequeenio · 16/02/2018 14:22

As a guest is be far more pissedoff at back g to travel for hours. Just book somewhere local . Guests just want drink, food and a boogie. They don't give a shiny about the actual venue.

Lucie8881 · 16/02/2018 14:23

Just try and keep in mind that it's just the reception venue that's the same, all the other details of both weddings will be different. Only your work colleagues will be heading there twice, family and friends will only be attending your wedding.

I booked my wedding reception at a venue after attending a friends reception there and loving the look of the place,

Original poster
pizzaandcoke · 16/02/2018 14:23

Thanks. Im not going to choose a different venue, this is the one I want. I'll just stop feeling sad about it and get on with planning my wedding.

OP posts:
KateGrey · 16/02/2018 14:25

If she’s new a lot might not want to go. Get your invites to them in first.

BewareOfDragons · 16/02/2018 14:26

I can understand your disappointment if you think your colleagues won't travel to both weddings.

Your family and friends will be there for you. If some or all of your colleagues choose not to come, they may well not have come anyway.

Make sure your leave is secure and don't give it another thought.

FizzyGreenWater · 16/02/2018 14:28

Can you 1. rebook for say two weeks before hers, b. get your invitations out asap?

Failing that KILL HER

mydietstartsmonday · 16/02/2018 14:29

Just plan your own wedding and make sure you get the leave you have requested.

LaurieMarlow · 16/02/2018 14:29

I feel bad that my colleagues are going to have to do a three hour drive to come to my wedding when they have done the same thing literally the week before.

You didn't feel bad in the first place about subjecting them to a 3 hour drive, so I don't think you've much grounds to be annoyed now. Just get your own ducks in a row. You can't dictate to her when/where she gets married.

Justmuddlingalong · 16/02/2018 14:29

Is the 3 hour journey to the venue one way or return?

CocoLoco87 · 16/02/2018 14:29

I would find this frustrating too. Get your invites our to work colleagues quickly. Presumably if you've been there longer, they will make more of an effort to go to your wedding? Also, don't share ANY more plans with her!!

CakeNinja · 16/02/2018 14:33

As someone else said, it’s only a few colleagues that will have to make the decision, unless you’re inviting the entire department?! And it’s their decision.
If I got married, I’d only be inviting 5 or 6 of my colleagues and in the great scheme of things, ie, a wedding congregation of 100 or so, a few faces missing isn’t going to ruin your wedding if they decide against making the journey twice. It would be sad not to see some of my best familiar work friends there but I would totally understand the predicament. Just go with what you were planning.

cansu · 16/02/2018 14:34

you are being a bit ridiculous. Obviously all your work colleagues wouldn't come anyway unless they are particular friends. Just enjoy your wedding. You told her it was a great venue and a good deal. She remembered when she got engaged and booked it. She hasn't done anything wrong.

vandrew4 · 16/02/2018 14:34

How come it's 3 hours away?

TheDailyMailIsADisgustingRag · 16/02/2018 14:35

Good for you op (re your last post). I think it’s easy to get a bit wound up, (and maybe a wee bit precious), when you’re planning a wedding. It really doesn’t matter. She’s a random work colleague. She had the decency to ask you if you were ok with it and surely she isn’t going to have that many guests in common with you, if she’s only started work with you and you don’t know each other otherwise?

I blame the wedding industry. There is so much pressure to have the ‘perfect’ day, perfect venue blah blah. The best weddings I’ve ever been to have been very imperfect. Just loads of fun.

gimmesomeapachepizza · 16/02/2018 14:36

AIBU? I was so excited for this venue and now I just feel deflated

you can't have been that excited if someone else using it bothers you so much. Did you think yours would be the only wedding ever held there?

scrappysquirrel · 16/02/2018 14:36

I really don't see the problem. It's a wedding venue...many people will get married there. It's not like she's a close relative and literally 50% of the guests will go there the week before. Plus she may have picked that date for a reason.

Sorry, but I definitely think it's over the top to get annoyed about this! As you've said, she's new and hardly knows you!

Angrybird345 · 16/02/2018 14:36

Get your annual leave in NOW! Stop telling her what you are doing as she will copy you. Dont tell her about table designs etc. And make sure you give the venue a password to provide to discuss any details in case she calls them for info.

bluesouper · 16/02/2018 14:36

The day will be fantastic and it'll only be a small proportion of guests from work right? Hurry up and get your invites out!!!

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 16/02/2018 14:38

I'm not a fan of people who can't come up with thier own ideas so on that basis alone I think YANBU.
Chuck it in the fuck it bucket though & enjoy planning your wedding-at least you got your leave in first Wink

MyKingdomForBrie · 16/02/2018 14:39

I can’t see this as a problem to be honest, if I fell in love with a venue I wouldn’t want to miss out on it just because a random colleague had booked it first. If your leave is already requested then she’ll be the one with the leave issue not you.

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