Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

AIBU re: wedding venue

89 replies

pizzaandcoke · 16/02/2018 14:12

Need some advice on if Im being unreasonable

Myself and my fiance booked our wedding venue a few weeks ago. The owners of the venue are selling it on next year and so they are offering good discounts on weddings held this year. We have visited several venues and even booked a different one, but when I viewed this one I just fell in love. It is perfect, unique, charming and like I said, an excellent price.

We booked it on a Saturday and I came into work the following Monday and told my work colleagues about it and showed them some photos. The next weekend a woman who I work with got engaged. She hasn't worked with us long but we get on well.

Anyway, to cut a long story short she has now booked our wedding venue for her own wedding after I told her where we were getting married. She went to look at it (and didnt tell me she was going to) and then came into work and said they had 'provisionally' booked in. I dont know what that means because I know the venue takes a £500 deposit that is non refundable but whatever. She asked if I was okay with it and I didn't really know what to say, I said I wasn't in a position to tell her where to have her wedding. She said not to worry as they were going to look at more venues anyway.

Now they have properly booked it and not only that, they have booked it literally a week before our wedding. This is obviously going to cause problems with having annual leave as we aren't allowed to have two people off at once in our office (although I requested mine first), not only that but we are both inviting our work colleagues to our weddings meaning they are going to have to make a three hour journey to the venue twice in the space of one week.

AIBU? I was so excited for this venue and now I just feel deflated.

OP posts:

itsgoodtobehome · 16/02/2018 14:39

My sister and I both used the same wedding venue (not at the same time!!). She got married there first, and I was a bit worried that the guests we had in common would be comparing hers to mine. However, our weddings were so completely different that most of them completely forgot that it was at the same place. Admittedly the weddings were 2 years apart, so not quite the same situation as yours, but a wedding is all about the people and what you arrange, not so much about the venue. I would just get on with planning your ideal wedding and forget about hers. Good luck.

McTufty · 16/02/2018 14:40

I wouldn’t be that thrilled either OP - no one I know takes the MN view of “so what it’s only a wedding no one notices the venue and aren’t you ridiculous for wanting the day to be special” - however you probably won’t be sharing that many guests, and there really is nothing you can do, except maybe change your own venue which you have said you don’t want to.

So I think getting your leave booked in and forgetting about her, as suggested in your recent post, is the way forward!

Trinity66 · 16/02/2018 14:41

*44PumpLane
Best mate does it YANBU

New random work colleague YABU*

This really, I mean she's new there, how many of the same people are you even going to to invite anyway? If I'd just started a new job I probably wouldn't be inviting any of them to my wedding

VladmirsPoutine · 16/02/2018 14:42

Is she planning to invite colleagues if she's only been there a short while?

Whilst I don't think you are being necessarily unreasonable you are straying into bridezilla territory.

Justmuddlingalong · 16/02/2018 14:43

If the only overlap of guests is some workmates, I wouldn't get my knickers in a twist. You're closest workmates might make the effort to travel that far, those not so close probably wouldn't bother TBH.

mindutopia · 16/02/2018 14:43

Enjoy your wedding and don't worry about her. So what if they booked the same venue. You may be inviting work colleagues, but she doesn't sound like a close friend? It would be different if she was like your sister or your best friend. Then yes, unreasonable. Just make sure you sort out your annual leave NOW. And I wouldn't be shy about telling people you booked it first, just so they don't think you stole the idea from her. I also frankly wouldn't attend her wedding. I don't know if you'd be invited, but if you are, focus on your own. You don't want to have a preview the weekend before and you'll have enough going on. Otherwise, let her have her day and you have yours. It's bit cheeky, but not unreasonable, as long as it doesn't affect your annual leave and you sort that out right away.

shinysinkredemption · 16/02/2018 14:45

That is a really weird thing to do, I'd be upset if there'll be much guest overlap. Keep all the wedding planning details, your honeymoon destination etc to yourself. Some people are just odd.

ChikiTIKI · 16/02/2018 14:45

I would think about using it as an excuse not to invite the work people and would probably thank the other bride for saving me the bother! :)

Xmasbaby11 · 16/02/2018 14:46

Yanbu. Seems so odd you've both chosen somewhere so far away! 3 hours away is massive. Does she have a connection with the place? I guess she must really really want it if she's happy to travel so far AND have the same venue as a colleague. Nothing you can do, but I'd find it so strange!

Aridane · 16/02/2018 14:47

Yes, that does sound a bit frustrating

Aliasgrace1 · 16/02/2018 14:49

Why shouldn't she get a beautiful venue for a good price? It's not your venue. 🙄

SilverySurfer · 16/02/2018 14:52

I think you need to forget about her wedding and concentrate on yours. If she has only just joined the company she may not even invite anyone from there.

If you think she's the sort to steal your ideas on other aspects of the wedding, eg table decorations, either tell her you haven't decided yet or lie and tell her you're going with a Willy Wonka Chocolate Factory theme, or something else equally stupid.

BoomBoomsCousin · 16/02/2018 14:52

You are making this into a far bigger deal than anyone else. If you are actually concerned about your colleagues driving three hours, don’t book a wedding venue so far away or factor a coach into your budget. And yes, there may be colleagues who don’t want to go to the same place twice one week after the other, but they’re colleagues. If they choose hers over yours (especially when she’s only just started), that’s probably not a big loss to your big day.

troodiedoo · 16/02/2018 14:53

I went to a funeral wake at my wedding venue two weeks before I got married. Didn't hold it against them though, and was reassured by the nice buffet tbh.

unfortunateevents · 16/02/2018 14:53

Your work colleagues don't "have" to do anything. some of them may not feel like making the three hour journey once, never mind twice! The decision is entirely up to them. you are also assuming that your colleague is going to invite work colleagues. As she is new, she may decide not to, or she may have a huge family and not have space, or she may not have budget to invite work people.

As for the leave issue, presumably you requested yours some time ago when you set the date. Why has it not been approved already? If it has, then it's her problem to sort out her time off - although why you would do something as huge as booking a wedding venue and presumably start to book photographer, band etc without being certain you could have the time off is beyond me!

Thistlebelle · 16/02/2018 14:53

Given that she’s new how many people are realistically going to go to her wedding?

You’re overthinking this, she’s a colleague not a friend or a family member.

What will happen if that some people will go to hers and not yours and vice versa. it’s just colleagues.

The people you are really good friends with will choose your wedding.

Windowgazer123 · 16/02/2018 14:55

I loved having a venue that no one had been to before and enjoyed seeing people's faces as they first entered. So I would be a bit put out.
But if I'm frank the people I would care less about at my wedding are my work colleagues so although I'd be bit annoyed I wouldn't say anything and would just swallow it.

Littlechocola · 16/02/2018 14:55

I’m not sure that I would drive 3 hours for a colleagues wedding!

MrsHathaway · 16/02/2018 14:56

I wouldn't drive three hours for a colleague's wedding unless she was also a good friend. I doubt there will be much overlap in the actual attendees. And all the most important people in your life will only go to yours.

I'm glad you've found your perfect venue. I hope you have a brilliant day and a very happy marriage.

FlyingElbows · 16/02/2018 14:57

Op weddings are just like new babies, those having them think they're the first and most special thing ever. Those invited to celebrate are very happy for you but don't actually care about the details. Don't waste your energy on wanting exclusivity of a publicly rented venue and just get on with enjoying your special event.

Chugalug · 16/02/2018 14:59

I wouldn't drive 3 hours for a wedding...how would you be able to have a drink ,then drive back? So would that involve staying over somewhere? More expense...yeah it's a problem if she's inviting the same people as you,before your wedding...it's all money and it all adds up

Original poster

pizzaandcoke · 16/02/2018 15:06

sorry just to clear a few things up

There are five of us in the office including myself and its TINY. We are all really close and good friends. We spend a lot of time together in a small space and my colleague who has booked the same venue has definitely become 'one of us'. My colleagues have all said they cant wait for my wedding and I know they will be there. So Im just a bit worried they now may not come if they've already been the week before.

Also for the second time - I NEVER SAID I OWN THE VENUE.

I maybe wont attend her wedding (i am invited) as I probably will be too stressed with my own. Its just a shame as we are all close in the office.

Not trying to be a brideszilla at all either. I think i was just excited about the venue and im a little bit disappointed that our weddings are so close together.

Thanks for all the advice :)

OP posts:

Whoville · 16/02/2018 15:06

Hmmm, not really a problem booking the same place as she's just a work colleague but a bit thoughtless on her part about your other colleagues.
If you've already requested your holiday then she's not going to have much of a honeymoon but maybe they only wanted/could afford a few days away, either way not your problem.
Send your colleagues the save the dates/invites, while a few collegies might prioritise one wedding over another your good freinds from work will make it to yours regardless so that's all that matters.
I can see why you're annoyed but you know you need to get over it, so don't let it take the shine off your day and get excited again! Best of luck and congratulations :)

ACurlyWurly · 16/02/2018 15:07

the same thing happened to me! as it turned out we both had very different days with very different decor and entertainment. Also the majority of the guests were family and friends outside of work so it was only a small number from work who went to both.
It took the shine off a little to start with but then reality kicked in and I realised it was about celebrating my love for my OH with the people important to me, the venue would still be beautiful and the decor would be ours and the photos would be our wedding with our people in them.
It will be fine, just carry on with the plans, get the invites out and enjoy it!
(I agree with not sharing any more plans though!!!)

mommybunny · 16/02/2018 15:08

YANBU for feeling a little deflated - you felt excited about finding the "perfect" venue that would thrill all your guests as it has thrilled you. The fact that someone, whose guest list may have some overlap with yours, has "gotten there first" - and at your suggestion! - feels a little galling, no doubt about it.

YWBU if you let this completely reasonable irritation ruin your own plans for your big day, or your relationship with this colleague.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread