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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU re: wedding venue

89 replies

pizzaandcoke · 16/02/2018 14:12

Need some advice on if Im being unreasonable

Myself and my fiance booked our wedding venue a few weeks ago. The owners of the venue are selling it on next year and so they are offering good discounts on weddings held this year. We have visited several venues and even booked a different one, but when I viewed this one I just fell in love. It is perfect, unique, charming and like I said, an excellent price.

We booked it on a Saturday and I came into work the following Monday and told my work colleagues about it and showed them some photos. The next weekend a woman who I work with got engaged. She hasn't worked with us long but we get on well.

Anyway, to cut a long story short she has now booked our wedding venue for her own wedding after I told her where we were getting married. She went to look at it (and didnt tell me she was going to) and then came into work and said they had 'provisionally' booked in. I dont know what that means because I know the venue takes a £500 deposit that is non refundable but whatever. She asked if I was okay with it and I didn't really know what to say, I said I wasn't in a position to tell her where to have her wedding. She said not to worry as they were going to look at more venues anyway.

Now they have properly booked it and not only that, they have booked it literally a week before our wedding. This is obviously going to cause problems with having annual leave as we aren't allowed to have two people off at once in our office (although I requested mine first), not only that but we are both inviting our work colleagues to our weddings meaning they are going to have to make a three hour journey to the venue twice in the space of one week.

AIBU? I was so excited for this venue and now I just feel deflated.

OP posts:

Original poster

pizzaandcoke · 16/02/2018 15:08

thanks so much @ACurlyWurly thats really helpful advice :) i know our weddings wont be the same and theres only going to be four of the same guests. thanks again

OP posts:

Whoville · 16/02/2018 15:09

Ah sorry x -post, well as it's such a small team then your colleague might have to accept that a few of you really won't want to go up twice in two weeks, personally I'd go to the one who booked it first i.e. you. If you can all make it up for her wedding as well that would be lovely but that might not be realistic esp if it involves hotel stays etc. £££

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 16/02/2018 15:10

I think you don't go to her wedding - as you said you will probably be stressed about your own and still have lots to do.

Likewise, she doesn't come to yours (am assuming she will be honeymoon then?)

The other 3 can do what they like - well, they have already said they are coming to yours, right? If they go to hers too, that's up to them.

Agree it is an unthoughtful thing for her to do so close to yours, but some people are just like that.

Don't let it stress you, I hope you enjoy your day and have a wonderful wedding.

alotalotalot · 16/02/2018 15:11

How will she get the time off?

mommybunny · 16/02/2018 15:13

And just think OP, your marriage will (hopefully!) last for the rest of your lives, and this one tiny wrinkle around the day that started it all will be completely forgotten.

rothbury · 16/02/2018 15:15

I am a bit confused here.

You have a booked a wedding venue 3 hours drive away? So hundreds of miles? Why would you do that? I would imagine quite a few people won't attend either wedding.

carefreeeee · 16/02/2018 15:15

Some of them might take a week off and have a holiday there. In any case it doesn't matter whether your work colleagues go to your wedding. Also they won't go to hers rather than yours just because it's first. More likely they will go to the one that was arranged first, unless they are closer to her in which case it's up to them

Original poster

pizzaandcoke · 16/02/2018 15:16

@rothbury my partner's family live in this location.

OP posts:

HotelEuphoria · 16/02/2018 15:23

YANBU.

Certainly don't disclose a single thing else about yours now, and make yours better. I think she is being very unfair.

Anyway, what if she doesn't get the leave?

SilverySurfer · 16/02/2018 15:23

I've just had a thought - if it's 3 miles away does that mean they will have the added expense of booking a hotel? If not I'm wondering how many of your guests will be happy to attend knowing they can't drink alcohol and a number of them needing to disappear mid evening for the three hour drive home?

Trinity66 · 16/02/2018 15:25

It is kind of odd that she would book the same venue that's that far away actually, is she a bit stalkerish? :/

deadringer · 16/02/2018 15:27

There is nothing wrong with feeling a bit disappointed, I think if people were honest most of them would feel that way too. But I agree with a pp who said that the wedding industry puts a lot of pressure on people to have the perfect expensive day. I got married years ago and our venue was one of our local hotels. Lots of other people I know got married there too. No one cared. As for wanting something a bit different, imo weddings are all the same. I have been to lots in the last few years and while the venue, food, favours, flowers, and entertainment were probably all very different, when I look back on them I can't remember which was which.

viques · 16/02/2018 15:31

to be honest, I wouldn't go to a work colleagues wedding unless it was local, so no way would I travel that far unless they were also extremely close and longstanding friends, and I suspect many others wouldn't either. By all means invite your colleagues, but don't be surprised if they bail out.

as for the annual leave if you have already asked for it then you should be the one to get it so I would get that nailed down in writing.

Chugalug · 16/02/2018 15:37

I just read yr update....5 in the office..small team....she's been a bitch...nasty .millions of places she could of booked..has she got form for copying you?

UrsulaPandress · 16/02/2018 15:42

Does she have family ties to the location as well?

And I wouldn't drive three hours to a colleagues wedding.

ShatnersWig · 16/02/2018 15:44

This crops up surprisingly often on MN.

Never cease to understand why people just don't keep the venue to themselves until the invites go out if they would be pissed off at someone else stealing their thunder/venue.

Missingstreetlife · 16/02/2018 15:47

Why do people share these personal details? Time enough to find out when they get the invite surely?

alotalotalot · 16/02/2018 15:49

The others probably think its a bit odd TBH. You come out of it looking fine. Her not so much. If I watched a colleague book the same venue as another in a small team, and so close to the other one, I'd think they were a fruit loop.

FaithEverPresent · 16/02/2018 15:52

I can understand you feeling a bit upset, especially given it’s such a small team. However, it may well be she can’t get the leave anyway and will have to move the date. I would be somewhat cautious about giving any details of my wedding plans to someone who booked the same venue within such a short time of me booking it though...or I’d do elaborate lies to see what she copied... Oh yes, it’s a Simpsons themed wedding..I’m getting my hair dyed blue for the big day

thecatsthecats · 16/02/2018 15:53

I am going to a wedding at the same venue a different friend in the same group used last year. Said friend is already separated from her husband! I'm thinking she'll quietly decline this one...

choli · 16/02/2018 16:05

I wouldn't drive 3 hours for a wedding unless it was a close family member. I suspect some of your mutual guests will be relieved to have an excuse to give both weddings a miss.

Original poster

pizzaandcoke · 16/02/2018 16:11

Like I said, we are a small and very close team and my colleagues actually all insisted they were invited to the wedding because they love to party. Also they have all worked with my partner before too so they are close to us as a couple. Anyway I hope they still come to mine, i really want them there.

OP posts:

FaithEverPresent · 16/02/2018 16:59

OP can you clarify if this is 3 hours travelling in total or 1.5 hours each way so 3 hours there and back?

Iloveacurry · 16/02/2018 17:09

I would be a bit peed off with her booking the same venue. Your work colleagues know you booked yours first right? Also book your holiday off work ASAP.

tumblrpigeon · 16/02/2018 17:13

I’d be a bit pissed off too. But it will all be fine !
Congratulations

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