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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To reuse my wedding ring?!

104 replies

ImMissHannigan · 15/02/2018 13:35

Just that really. I had a really short lived marriage about 5 years ago. Still have the lovely platinum wedding band. I paid a lot of money for it at the time but when it came to sell, it only had scrap value of about £60 so I kept hold of it. No emotional attachment to it whatsoever.
I'm getting married again this year and have been looking at wedding bands. The OH doesn't want to wear a ring as he doesn't wear jewellery. So it's just for me. I'm looking at paying the same all over again for a ring that I already have in the drawer. WIBU to send it away to be polished and to reuse it? Part of me says absolutely not and the other part says it's just a piece of metal. So wise ladies of Mumsnet, what do you think? If it's of any relevance, we are over budget by about £2k at the moment so could do with cutting corners where we can.

OP posts:
SpacePenguin · 15/02/2018 15:44

I'd have no problem with reusing it. I don't have any sort of attachment to mine -
hardly wear it, and really don't consider it an important part of my marriage.

My DH always wears his, and its got importance to him as a symbol. But I don't think he'd be upset if he had to replace it at any stage - it's not that particular ring he's attached to, but the symbol of a ring.

I say reuse it as long as your DP is comfortable with it. I would let him have the final say.

Lweji · 15/02/2018 15:46

It's metal. And it's just a band. I think it's a good idea to polish it and engrave it to make it special.

No point in selling it and buying another ring of metal for a much higher price just for the sake of being a bunch of different atoms.

It would be different if it was particularly decorated or with stones.

Having said that, the wedding ring is something that a spouse gives the other to show their commitment. Not sure if it would have the same meaning to reuse something given by another spouse.

Maybe for the sake of meaning, give it to your DD and she can give it to your new husband to be. :)

easterholidays · 15/02/2018 15:49

It wasn't given by another spouse, though - OP paid for it herself.

Crunched · 15/02/2018 15:50

Doesn't your fiancé want to buy you a wedding ring?
If he is totally unbothered, and you see a ring as insignificant as an expression of commitment to a certain person, I would agree with other posters who advise going 'ringless'.

catbasilio · 15/02/2018 15:58

I reused and my second marriage failed. Coincidence or not? Hmm

alotalotalot · 15/02/2018 16:00

If you paid for it then why not. Personalise it with an engraved message.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 15/02/2018 16:03

I wouldn't. I also wouldn't have been happy if DH had announced he was going to wear his ring from his first marriage. It would have found its way to the bottom of the river if he'd suggested it!

sirlee66 · 15/02/2018 16:03

Personally, I wouldn't. To me, wedding rings have a lot of meaning - it's a circle that has no beginning or end and is therefore a symbol of infinity. It is endless, eternal, just the way love should be. I wouldn't want to share that symbolism from my first marriage in my second marriage and so I would sell the ring and put the money towards a new one.

That's just me though, for you, your ring may not be such a symbol and so if you're both comfortable in re-using it then why not.

Congratulations on your wedding! I hope you have a lovely day!

GinDoll · 15/02/2018 16:05

My wedding ring is miscellaneous metal which cost about 3 euros 😆 I like it. Am not that emotionally attached to it because it is a symbol it is not my marriage. I really only wear it because DH is traditional like that. I'd have no problem reusing a ring.

KalaLaka · 15/02/2018 16:05

No no no! Get a cheap second hand one from someone else... swap it with someone... buy one at Argos. Anything but this! I'm usually fairly pragmatic, but this is an awful idea.

Cleanermaidcook · 15/02/2018 16:06

I couldn't. It would remind me of my first marriage every time I looked at it.
I gave mine to my daughter.

KalaLaka · 15/02/2018 16:07

ginDoll
it is a symbol
Exactly. It means something. Reusing one from your own previous marriage has a significance in this symbolism.

Melamin · 15/02/2018 16:08

If you bought it in the first place, it makes no sense to sell it and buy another one. So I would reuse.

But then if your H2B is ringless and you aren't bothered, ringless is a way forward. I know people who are old gimmers like me who do not wear rings because their DH does not, so they don't see why they should.

Another way is if you like rings, is to use this one for now to save money and get a nice eternity ring when funds allow.

I tried getting a platinum ring engraved and it was not successful - apparently it is really hard so does not engrave well. If you go down this route, then find someone who had done it before and knows what they are doing (if it can actually be done).

mumpoints · 15/02/2018 16:09

The people that are saying don't do it, are you superstitious?

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 15/02/2018 16:12

I’m a second wife, and tbh I’d be uncomfortable with this. I’m not normally a sentimental type.

Ok if you have it melted down, but not as is.

VladmirsPoutine · 15/02/2018 16:13

No, I'm not superstitious and not woo in the slightest @mumpoints but I think it takes away and detracts from the union at hand. Either no rings or new rings. I don't even think wedding rings should never come off, I used to take mine off or not wear it depending on how I felt that day. But fundamentally it just doesn't sit right when all things are considered.

SayNoToCarrots · 15/02/2018 16:13

Reuse it.

billybagpuss · 15/02/2018 16:14

Not superstitious as such but I do see the wedding ring as a symbol so couldn't reuse it for a second relationship. However the OP clearly has no such attachment to it so for her is very different and she can clearly take a more pragmatic approach.

I was also surprised when Prince William gave Diana's engagement ring to Kate. To me that ring would have unhappy symbolism, but I guess to him it was giving his future wife something of his mums.

FancyNewBeesly · 15/02/2018 16:21

My wedding ring had to be made to fit around my engagement ring and I had five teeny diamonds set into it - each cost about £15 so not expensive but changes the look of it

MaryShelley1818 · 15/02/2018 16:23

I’d definitely reuse it! Totally wasteful to buy a new one when you have one there not being used that you like.
I was married for 10yrs, exDH bought me a new beautiful diamond wedding ring as a replacement for the cheap ones we married with less than a year before we split. I’ll be using it when me and current DP marry.
It’s a ring, a piece of jewellery. Far more important factors in a marriage.

Heatherjayne1972 · 15/02/2018 16:29

So you bought the ring originally and
It doesn’t have emotions attached to it
I’d have it polished. And engraved with the date inside
And never ever tell anyone

SharonMott · 15/02/2018 16:35

No. Seriously? I can't believe anyone thinks this is OK. I would rather have a £15 ring that that. I would also be concerned if my future DH was meh either way FFS. Grim as.

RoboticSealpup · 15/02/2018 16:41

If you don't think the ring symbolism is important and your DH-to-be isn't going to wear one, I don't really see why you would want one at all. You don't mention an engagement ring - do you have one?

KalaLaka · 15/02/2018 16:48

mumpoints no, this isn't based on superstition. If the ring is a symbol, it needs to be respected as such.

milliemolliemou · 15/02/2018 16:49

Why have a ring at all?

Agree with others generally - remake it somehow. Or swop it. Totally in favour of reusing but not with a wedding significance.

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